Examples in Leading

To some of you this may not seem like a big deal…. The girls are only in 5th grade.. ages 10 or 11. But as I watched them play tonight, I had a deep appreciation for the growth that each of them experienced this season. As players, as kids, as girls, and as a team.?

These girls have developed an intrinsic motivation at each game to perform. An internal drive that leaders in business only wish that each team member could have when they show up to work. Mind you, that motivation didn’t show up at every game for every girl, much like our own motivation doesn’t always surface when we show up to work, but as I watched them play I asked myself what was different about them versus the team they were playing against.??

The other girls weren’t bad, but their spirit was different. About half way through the game I listened as the parents from the other team complained about a call on the field where the coaches exchanged some questions. Was it an out? Maybe, but this parent? didn’t agree with the call. This wasn’t your typical bad call frustration though, it seemed to be less about the call and more directed at how their team was losing. “Oh sure, let’s argue about this call when your girls already have 6 runs.? As if you need another.” The next inning, a very close “safe” call for our team sparked another snarky comment “Oh of course she’s safe, why wouldn’t she be? She’s on the other team.”?

As parents we are enthusiastic cheerleaders, coaches, and often umpire critics… I felt my irritation rising as I listened quietly. I became irritated at the example this parent was setting for the 23 girls on the field, irritated at the excuses she was making for their team, and irritated at the dismissal of how well our team was playing, my thoughts were soon interrupted by another play. This time one of our girls was called out on second base.? While the other opposing parents cheered, our noise maker passively aggressively stated “Are you sure she’s not safe?”?

I said out loud with a sigh, “Man, it’s a 4th grade softball game.” One of our girls' fathers audibly said behind me “I know, right?” I looked at the score, by then we were up, 9-0.? I surveyed the teams. Ours was buzzing, cheering each other on, hyped up, their coaches watching intently. Why were they doing so well? Why is it that our team is undefeated this year? Why are they performing like a well oiled machine, while the other team looks as if they’re playing a game early in the season? Why are these other parents so worked up over this end of the year 4th grade softball make-up regular season game???

Am I looking at this from the winning side?? Sure it’s easy to shrug it all off when you’re winning. Is that it? No… we’re undefeated this year and in this league, but it doesn’t mean we haven’t had hard games or been the underdog. THIS team is undefeated but our tournament team isn’t. Our girls got stomped at our last tournament and as parents we didn’t act like that. The girls may get down but they continue to stay motivated and amp up their teammates. Even when its hard, these girls play with spirit! So what is it that’s different? And then it hit me.??

We don’t act like that as parents or players because our leaders don’t act like that. Our coaches set an example for all of the people involved with our team. As fathers, they set an example for every parent in the stands, as coaches they lead our girls by example, focusing on what each person on the team can control, not on bad calls or the bases the other teams steal, or the mistakes we make here and there.

I’m the usual score keeper and I remember at one game the other team’s lineup was off, it appeared their last out was number 8 and their first up in the next inning was number 8 (the last out ended up being number 9 and I had written it wrong, but that’s not the point here.) I hadn’t run into this before so I took it to the coach after the inning and asked if wanted me to say something next time. His response was not what I expected.??

What I expected was “For sure! That’s against the rules and so we want to catch that next time in case they try to cheat again.” Instead what I got was “For sure! They don’t have a lot of players so we want to make sure their girls are rested when they can be. It was probably a mix up but we want to let their coach know next time as she may not have caught it.” I remember feeling slightly ashamed at the assumption I had made on how he would respond, and also feeling taken aback by his dedication to a good, fair, safe, and FUN game for everyone.??

So as I sat the other night, watching our girls, I felt awfully foolish for even asking why they stood apart from others when my career field is in leadership. Our girls perform the way they do because of their coaches. Aaron Hickey, our head coach, genuinely enjoys what he does, to the point that he even drops tips for the other teams’ players.?

He compliments the other team on good plays and he even praises the other team for the? same behaviors that he rewards our girls for. This is not a job, not a must, it’s a type of passion for him and honestly, I don’t know if he does these things consciously or if this is just his personality, but either way, there is no question in my mind that our girls won their game 12-0 tonight in an undefeated season because of him.?

All great coaches impact their teams…. and while I see in every coach an amazing gift for building confidence and fostering real life skills, our coach is the reason our girls excel, I’ll give you some brief insight. On every opposing team we have faced this year, I have watched a coach get frustrated and raise their voice (I’m not talking about your typical attempt to be heard over the sounds of the field, but that exasperation of knowing your team could be doing better.) I won’t go so far as to say any of the other coaches get angry, but I can tell when they are frustrated. This is normal and natural, but I don’t remember our coaches ever getting visibly frustrated, especially not Aaron. I’ve seen him hype them up, I’ve seen him tell the team that? it’s okay when they’re having a hard time, he encourages them to fail from time to time, but I’ve never seen him display frustration in front of the girls. Has he been frustrated?? I’m positive he has! Who wouldn’t be frustrated coaching a team of 10 year old girls?? But his composure even at times when the rest of us, including the girls, are justifiably frustrated is commendable.

For him, his assistant coaches, and his team, it’s about having fun. The girls get to rotate to any position they want to play, for the experience and the confidence to try new things. Coach may reward a good play or a good hit, but above all he focuses his rewards on attitude, behavior, leadership, teamwork,? and energy. He actively teaches the girls about how their behavior affects their team and their own game play. These are behaviors that I work to teach CEOs and politicians.

When our season started, Aaron told the girls that he would not be giving out game balls like he did last year due to the fact that we didn’t have as many players this time.? Two weeks in, my daughter comes away from her game with a game ball.??

“I thought the coach wasn’t giving out game balls this year.”?

“He’s not, he made an exception.”?

“Ohhh!? Well, what did you do that deserved this exception?”??

“Coach said I was the one girl he heard on the field every inning. He said I cheered them on and told the team where the plays were so often that he didn’t have to.”?

I came away beaming, of course! As a leadership development specialist, it’s affirming even when your kids get a leadership award and a teaching moment on leading by example. Tonight though, I realized it wasn’t just me who was helping my daughter to set herself up for greatness, it’s not just her dads or even her teachers. Of course all of us have a hand in it, I won’t sell myself or those other leadership figures? short, but Aaron Hickey displays superb leadership EVERY time he steps on the field with our girls.?

Our girls’ intrinsic motivation around their softball games comes from the respect and the love they receive from their coach and watch him display to everyone around him.? They are proud to call? Aaron Hickey “coach”, and as a mother, I am proud to call him coach too!