Examining My Own Racism

I have been feeling for weeks that COVID-19 will give us enough time unplugged that we can re-establish our priorities and it set ourselves up to make lasting change. Everyone working for a sustainable future realizes that eliminating racism is essential if we are to find our way there.  As expressed in a recent New York Times article, “Racism makes it impossible to live sustainably.” I want to offer my reflections about what I need to do in order to help shape the world I want to see. 

When I grew up, I knew four brown people….my mother’s cleaning lady, my grandmother’s cleaning lady, and the two pediatricians that my mother took me to for medical care. Mom recognized that they, a husband and wife team, were better doctors than the other choices in our town. They were both Yale graduates, she noted, and they were both light-skinned, another fact she noted. I sensed that Mom felt quite progressive in her decision. It wasn’t till college that I was exposed in any significant way to black people. I moved to inner city Baltimore, lived off campus, and in the heart of a largely black neighborhood. That was when I first began to realize how much racial injustice there was.  And poverty, I saw poverty up close and in person.  I worked as an aid to a Parole Officer for Juvenile Delinquent children.  I saw inequity and injustice all around me all the time. After college I moved to neighborhoods that didn’t force me to see view, this uncomfortable reality every day. I felt sorry for black people, but I didn’t want to be around what was “their” depressing reality.  I felt sorry for what I thought was “their” issue. (My daughter recently challenged me with, “Does that mean sexism is a woman’s issue?”) I didn’t understand how my own inaction and distancing were part of the problem. Later in life I knew several mixed-race couples and I saw their struggle. I counseled my daughter to avoid dating black men because it looked so hard. To be judged instantly before you opened your mouth, to be questioned about your love and your union at every turn in everyday life… I didn’t want that for her. But that was before I realized that we all need to be the change we want to see. On gazing into the face of my friend’s beautiful biracial baby I reflected with profound embarrassment and was mortified by what I realized was my own racism.  

I am far from being enlightened about race and have only recently begun to understand the meaning of white privilege. I am way behind the curve. But I know one thing. If some police officer killed my family member by kneeling on their neck while others looked on impassively, and that act of violence was a consistent pattern of violence against my community, I might feel like burning the entire city down. How can we let the police do this to our fellow citizens, they are there to protect all of us? No, I don’t condone violence, but we need to focus on the injustice of these killings, the injustice of our system, and the injustice of the actions of the police against the protestors and our citizens every day, and not simply the destruction of property. Concentrating on looting and damage perpetrated by just a few blurs our focus; a convenient distraction from the real issues.

I get angry when I watch our senators  and elected officials make no move to stop the current autocratic administration in its decimation of democracy.  They are complicit in their inaction, clinging to power.

But doesn’t that same logic make me complicit in the current racial injustice if I am inactive in trying to stop it? I am embarrassed to say the answer is yes. OUR CULTURE BELONGS TO US. IF WE DON’T SHAPE IT, WHO WILL?  George Floyd’s death was a senseless atrocity, an expression of the worst of humanity. I am hoping to honor him and the others who have died on our watch by remaining open to learning, listening, and actively participating in creating change. I promise to listen to black voices and their experiences, to help uplift them, to speak out when I hear injustice, and to educate myself on the issues. 

I have studied psychology and the environment my whole life, those are two subjects that I am not behind the curve on.  I believe that three behaviors lead cultures to have the ability to act in their own best interest They are….

1.   The ability to be introspective to understand how you might contribute to the dynamic that you are experiencing at any given moment.

How am I contributing to systemic racism against people of color, have I been complicit in their oppression?

2.   To avoid reactivity to other people’s actions. We cannot plot the course we want to take, if our life is a series of reactions to others, we need to stay focused on where we want to go, our own path.

Am I only outraged when someone is senselessly killed but am I  working at other times for a change?

3.   To refrain from projecting our own fears onto others. This is the hardest one to accomplish. It is much easier to project our fears onto others, seeing them as against because they are different from us, rather than confronting our own deepest fears.

To understand that this violence against black people is a white man’s problem. Injustice is our responsibility; it belongs to us.

I will need to use all three of these strategies as I look at the issues of systemic racism that I have retreated from for so long. I wish I had something more meaningful to offer, but at this moment I can only promise to stop being absent, to realize my own part in this, and to try showing up. There is so much more to learn. I will put in the time; this is a promise. Engaging in this discussion and taking action are the first steps that I am taking as a more responsible citizen. Hopefully we can all take steps toward a future of inclusion rather than division, and at a minimum, a world where we really are all equal under the law.  

A dear colleague of mine sent me this to consider white privilege and help me open my eyes.  We have been given a great gift. The gift of stopping the world as we knew it. Let’s not rush back to the what was- let’s reshape the world into one that is more just, more equitable, and sustainable. 

Subject: After MN, Black Lives and White Privilege...

I have privilege as a white person because I can do all of these things without thinking twice:

I can go birding (#ChristianCooper)

I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery)

I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson)

I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride)

I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark)

I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards)

I can play loud music (#JordanDavis)

I can sell CDs (#AltonSterling)

I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)

I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown)

I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice)

I can go to church (#Charleston9)

I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin)

I can hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell)

I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant)

I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland)

I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile)

I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones)

I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford)

I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher)

I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott)

I can be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover)

I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese)

I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans)

I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood)

I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo)

I can run (#WalterScott)

I can breathe (#EricGarner)

I can live (#FreddieGray)

I CAN BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED (#GeorgeFloyd)

White privilege is real. Take a minute to consider a Black person’s experience today.

BLACK LIVES MATTER