Examining Financial Enmeshment In Black Communities

I'll never forget the near violent reaction my mother had to me informing her that a bill collector had called and told me that if my mom didn't call them back she would be in big trouble.

They got what they wanted alright. A returned phone call that sounded on my end something like "If you EVER call here and threaten my child" followed by expletives.

While this particular instance isn't an example of financial enmeshment (also referred to as financial incest) there are cases of parents intentionally using their children to screen phone calls from bill collectors or otherwise adultifying or parentifying children in matters of family finances before they are cognitively or emotionally ready to deal with the information they're being exposed to.

A Cultural Norm

"Financial enmeshment occurs when parents involve their children in adult financial matters before the children are cognitively and emotionally ready to cope with the information. Financial enmeshment may have a negative effect on the child’s development." - Kemnitz, R., Klontz, B., & Archuleta, K. L. (2016). Financial Enmeshment: Untangling the Web.Journal of Financial Therapy, 6 (2) 4

In my 2019 TEDx talk I describe a period where I carried the food stamps (EBT card) on my person and helped my mom with the administration of household finances. Where I would walk cash or a money order over to our property management office to pay rent. In adulthood, I've uncovered limiting beliefs I've had related to money by way of quality and experiences because as a child I trained myself (or was subconsciously trained) to be conscious of price over value.

But my experience is not unique to me.

In an examination of cultural nuances in Black and Brown communities, financial enmeshment takes on different shapes in response to the needs of the greater interplay between family and cultural norms vs societal ideals and privilege. That is to say that Black and Brown communities have historically operated in a value system that prioritizes communalism vs individualism - values that can and have been weaponized against certain individuals within that community via such phenomena as "The Black Tax ".

Generational Attitudes Are Changing

In addressing the issue of financial enmeshment across cultures and generations it can be challenging to pinpoint where the individual's values start and cultural or familial expectations end as millennials and Gen Z'ers seem to embrace individualistic lifestyles rather than being tethered to the traditions and expectations of old. Without examining the cultural and systemic nuances that prompted the enmeshment as a function of survival for parents within these communities in the first place, I'm curious how highlighting it's occurrence as a "negative" rather than a necessary function of a moment in time can create resentment or rejection towards the family and family values not related to money.

Your Thoughts?

I'm curious on how you reconcile the tug of war between family values and individualism related to money and how early money experiences shape your behaviors with money later in life. Do you have appropriate boundaries? Do you feel obligated to give? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.