Evolving Together: The Art of Adapting as a Couple

Empty nest came sooner than I thought.

Oh, I knew the date. It had loomed on the horizon for our daughter's entire Senior year.?

After our middle son left for college, Hannah was like having an only child. She is a bit of an old soul, happy to talk with adults and bored by the typical teenage drama. The thought of her leaving was more than the end of an era; it was saying goodbye to someone whose company I enjoyed tremendously and who would no longer be part of our daily life.

Intentional shifts

As the end of summer approached, I knew coming home to an empty house would be the most challenging part of this transition. So, we made plans.?

After getting her settled in her dorm and saying our tearful goodbyes (which, let me say, I was holding it together until I observed a dad break down and sob when hugging his daughter goodbye!) on that steamy Texas day, we headed to Austin for a weekend together.?

This short getaway provided a buffer to celebrate this big transition before walking into that empty house. Next to becoming parents for the first time, the empty nest is the most significant transition for couples with children. It deserves a healthy acknowledgment. We did a lot of reminiscing but also talked about our plans now that we would have more time and freedom.

Head West!

What we cooked up was our "empty nest trip" to explore more of the mountain west in the fall. We had a small RV, our GSP (German Shorthair Pointer), and a burning desire to explore more of the mountain west. We set our direction to the Tetons and Yellowstone, ending up in Montana for some bird hunting.?

It was a wonderful time as we lingered when we wanted to or pulled off on a side road to capture a sunset in the Tetons.

We had many conversations about our dreams for this season that continued long after the trip. While I may not capture the exact questions we discussed, here are some to get you going if you find yourself in this empty nest season.

Questions to explore when nearing the empty nest season:

1. How do you envision our day-to-day life changing once the last kid leaves? (This is a great question to ask periodically in the 1-2 years leading up to an empty nest.)

2. What personal goals or dreams have you put on hold that you'd like to pursue now?

3. How can we support each other emotionally through this transition?

4. How can we reinvest the time and energy we've been dedicating to parenting?

5. How might our roles within the relationship shift, and how do we feel about that??

6. What new activities or hobbies would you like us to explore together?

7. How can we maintain meaningful connections with our adult children as they launch their individual lives?

8. What aspects of our relationship do you think need the most attention or nurturing? (I wrote another article addressing this one.)

9. Is downsizing or potentially relocating something you think about?

10. What financial adjustments should we consider making as we enter this new phase?

Hopefully, this will provide a starting place to navigate this transition. It's a big one. Don't let the opportunity to refocus on your relationship pass by without giving it the attention it deserves. And above all--enjoy!