EVOLVING. IN REVERSE.

There is a beauty in silence.?

A peace in internal solitude.

A quiet reckoning with life.

I’m thinking about disappearing.

Shutting down all of my platforms.

Sitting in silence.

Listening for my God.

I don’t know for how long.

I feel blessed.

Beloved.

As I wait.

I listening for the whispers.

The guidance.

The wisdom.

The grace.

To live in the presence of Glory.

I anticipate something beyond ANY prayer I have ever prayed.

A version of me is manifesting.

A me I have never known.

A me created eons before my torrid conception.

What if every accomplishment, tether to a wound, where no more?

What if everything I identified as myself, disappeared?

Everything.

Race.

Gender.

Sexuality.

Class.

Streets.

Stanford.

Seven-figure.

Philosopher.

Survivor.

Accomplished.

Bad.

Wrong.

Queer.

Kind.

Sub.

Bottom.

Aggressive fem.

Political.

God-guided.

Believer.

Subversive.

Strategic. Teacher.

Mentor.

Professor.

Thought-leader.

Author.

Artist.

Writer.

Good.

Kind.

Authentic.

ALL I have identified as “me.”

Where would “I” exist?

Who would “I” be?

What could I become?

I don’t know.

I can’t fathom.

What I do know is this:

I. Love. God.

That knowing turns the crucifixion of all my “selves” from quiet grieving into a gentle grace.

So I go within.

I retreat into myself.

To dismantle myself.

I make home in God.

Not the “mes” I identify as who I am.

But rather with the “me” that was created.

Before I was born.

There is a me before the pain of being birthed.

A me before “I” began.

Before consciousness and language.

Beyond space and time.

There is a me that is not my body.

There is no “me” at all.

Just a series of survival-based behaviors that are socially rewarded, mentally exhausting, spiritually depleting, or emotionally punished.

Me, myself, and I do not exist.

So I go within.

To evolve into that which was created before I was in my mother’s womb.

Evolving. In reverse.

Back to Source.

Embraced by “I am.”

Simply put: I’m going home.

(And I’m taking Happy with me. )