Evolving beyond Mars and Venus

Twenty-something years ago, when I was a young adult, I recall thinking that most published nonfiction books I picked up had merit. That was until I read John Gray’s "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus".

My boyfriend at the time had picked the book up and devoured it in a couple of sittings. He raved about how accurate it was, and how validated he felt. (That relationship didn't last long.)

A few chapters in I was so triggered by the book that I threw it across the room and never finished it.

In a recent article by Chief , "How the Mars vs. Venus Myth Continues to Cost Women ," sociologist Jessica Calarco sheds light on how outdated stereotypes about men and women continue to hold us back.

In Gray's book he pushed the idea that men and women are fundamentally different and should stick to their “natural” roles. Despite how dated this concept seems, it's still influencing how we view gender roles today.

Calarco has been studying family and education inequalities for years, and her insights became especially relevant during the pandemic. She noted that, in the absence of a robust social safety net, it was women who bore the brunt of scaling back their careers to take care of children.

As someone who's lived in countries like Germany, Japan and Canada, I've seen first hand the social safety nets that other countries put in place to benefit BOTH men and women — paid family leave, affordable childcare and worker protections. Calarco shares, "Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women."

"Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women." - Jessica Calarco

Her new book, Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net, explores why the U.S. lags behind other countries. She uses the example of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, who recently praised his wife for giving up her career to focus on being a wife and mother, to illustrate how these outdated ideas are still celebrated. This kind of thinking suggests that men and women are naturally suited to different roles – men as breadwinners and women as caregivers.

But modern research contradicts this. Studies show that men and women aren’t as different as these stereotypes suggest. For instance, both men and women experience a drop in testosterone when they care for children, making them more sensitive to their needs. This means caregiving isn’t a natural fit for women alone; men can be just as nurturing if given the opportunity.

Caregiving isn’t a natural fit for women alone; men can be just as nurturing if given the opportunity.

The Mars/Venus myth keeps men and women in rigid boxes, limiting their potential. It makes it easy for men to justify not sharing household responsibilities, believing that women are better suited for this work. This leaves women with the double burden of managing home and career, often setting them back professionally.

At People at the Center?, we see the impacts of these outdated beliefs in our work every day. As we coach leaders and organizations, we emphasize the importance of human-centered leadership – recognizing and breaking down these stereotypes to create more inclusive environments. Our World Changing Women? coaching program is designed to empower women and help them thrive, both in their professional careers and in their home life.

The Mars/Venus myth doesn’t just harm women; it hurts men as well. The pressure to be the ideal worker affects men’s mental health and relationships too! By debunking these myths and advocating for policies like paid family leave and affordable childcare, we can create a more equitable society where everyone benefits.

Dismantling these outdated gender roles is not just a women’s issue – it’s a leadership issue, a family issue, and a societal issue. Isn't it time we move beyond Mars and Venus and work towards a future where all genders can thrive equally?

About Kim Carpenter

Kim Carpenter is a global speaker, author, coach and founder of People at the Center?, a coaching and talent development consultancy working with purpose-driven companies to retain top talent and develop leadership cultures that honor the human and boost the bottom line. Book a complimentary Momentum Session with Kim and discover what's holding you back and your next action to take.

People at the Center offers one-on-one executive coaching, team training and company offsite experiences in Connected Communication, Aligned Teamwork and People-Centric Leadership. Find more about our programs at www.peopleatthecenter.com .