Evolution of Self-Care on Mother's Day : A Ritual Idea

First, let it be known that I score unprecedented high on the “self care" monitor.? Most women, particularly mothers, do not. It hasn't always been that way. For me, after having kids, self-care became a matter of survival (a little dramatic but true!).

So, Mother’s Day is here again. It's this weekend for those who are still half asleep with little ones. I wanted to share my journey of self-care as related to Mother's Day and mental health through the years.

I spent my first many Mother’s Days full of disappointment, I didn’t have words to express what I needed. Maybe I didn't feel worthy of the title. At the time, I couldn't think straight and had a hard time with the most simple activities that were not child-focused, like putting on a clean outfit. Also, my partner wasn't raised to celebrate such things and I was too tired to tell him. Shouldn't he just know?

My glass was empty.

As I pulled myself out of the darkness, with my partner's help, I started to focus on self-care. I soon determined that self-care looked like time away from the kids on Mother's Day. Why did I not want to spend time with my kids all the time? Why was everybody enjoying perfect little family adventures? Guilt and shame took over but I took the time anyways. I loved my kids more than life itself, but time apart became essential to my mental health. I started to embrace the idea that I could write my own equation for family happiness.

Yet my glass felt half empty.

The kids are now nearing the end of elementary school. The past years have been so beautiful. And Hard. And Messy. These days, I want nothing more than to use Mother's Day or any special occasion as an excuse to spend time with my kiddos while they are still willing. I use it as an excuse to make memories as a family. To push them outside their limits and to explore creative spaces and force them to take silly pictures in colorful places.

My glass is finally half full. And it's still hard.

To all you mamas who are struggling or who just want to celebrate your way. Have you heard of Festivus? That is the Seinfeld holiday right before Christmas that is the anti-holiday. Why not create a ritual before/ after Mother's Day so you can truly do and have everything you want?

What would you do? Write it in comments and let's share and start a trend. I truly believe that the more we fill our own tank, the more we have to give. This comes from my heart, my experience, my soul. Let's reframe self-care as a necessity and a priority.