Banishing Bert from the basement.

Imagine how you would feel, you go to see a doctor for a routine check, expecting to be given either the red or the blue pill, only to be given a critical cancer diagnosis (aka Bert) leading to chemotherapy treatment starting in 6 days ? Welcome to my journey which started in 2022, the one where you feel you’re drinking from a firehose, suffering information overload, your future uncertain, constant overthinking and with every specialist appointment asking “what exactly does that mean”?

Travel plans were put on hold. Social engagements were cancelled. Difficult conversations had, and many tears shed while trying not to frighten the kids - I’m not going to sugar-coat it, challenging doesn’t even begin to describe the situation.

I’ll cut to the chase to let you know after 12 months of intensive treatment, multiple chemotherapy and radiotherapy sessions, what seems like a thousand MRI, CT and PET scans, many small procedures and a massive 10 hour surgery I am in a much better place, but sadly more has to be done – that said, I am one of the luckier ones and I’m of course very conscious writing this post, as I know not every story has a positive ending.?

With that backdrop, I wanted to share what helped me and my family, so that it may help you or a loved one if you’re presented with a serious health challenge.

HERE ARE THE KEY THINGS THAT MADE A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE:

PRIORITIZING MY HEALTH - "Be kind to yourself”

On the surface prioritizing MY health might sound selfish, but it was a great decision and one I had to be reminded of constantly by family and friends, as going from 100% to what I could sustain was exceptionally hard. Know this though, it’s absolutely OK to say no and to place your health at the forefront of everything you do.

Embedded within this prioritizing MY health it is key to "be kind to yourself” - treatment is a massive deal, and everyone’s journey is different as our bodies will all react differently, so my encouragement is on taking your time as you’ll have your fair share of ups and downs on the roller coaster ride where you can feel like you’re a petri dish in a huge experiment.

CELEBRATE YOUR GOOD DAYS.

Simply put, when I felt good, I did things and took advantage of the time, be-it a quick lunch out with family or friends, taking the kids to sport or school, or on really great days, a short trip to the beach - it really doesn’t matter what it is though, as long it gets you out doing what you love within your current limitations.

On one of the weeks, my wife and I took a chance with the family and booked a trip up north, a place right on the beach. Whilst I didn’t move all that much, great memories were made.

Of course, when I didn’t feel great through “Bert” deciding to fight back, I’d curl up on the couch and watch program reruns, read books and listened to podcasts, quite often comforted by our Labrador “Lexi”.

All of the above are closely linked to prioritizing MY health, and of course being kind to myself.

EXPERIENCING HOW AMAZING HUMANS CAN BE - “It takes a village”

Family, friends and work colleagues came out of the woodwork to offer support - I’m talking about cooking meals, providing food vouchers (for example Dinner ladies), mowing lawns, trimming hedges, planting the garden, walking “Lexi” our 18 month old Labrador or taking the kids to school or sport …..

First of all family, there is no limit to what they have done in this last twelve months to support me. This goes from being by my side every minute they could, driving me everywhere, be that for scans, medical appointments or in ICU. For example my wife bringing me home-cooked lasagna at 10pm to the hospital ward (after I dropped the first portion on the floor), not to mention an endless supply of gummy snakes, soups, salads, ect.

Then, there were also frantic calls at 2am when I was so high on the meds in ICU, I was convinced the nurses were having a dance party, doing drugs and going to kill me (no jokes). I shared with my wife "this is serious, people could die but I don't know who to talk too as they may be in on the charade"- She of course assured me otherwise. Equally, there were less stressful times, like my wife bringing the kids to hospital so we could have dinner together to try to bring some "normality" to our crazy situation.

Humor, we found is critical during these difficult times, and we still joke about a famous "foot massage" I "apparently" received from my sister-in-law which for the life of me I cannot remember, again courtesy of the ICU meds.

Also, multiple WhatsApp calls with the UK and Spain keeping my folks updated and sharing everything is OK, but mostly talking about different topics (non-Bert) and injecting humor in every conversation - these may seem like simple acts but all play a part of the support provided ………

[SIDEBAR] ......... There is a "carer" element here too which needs consideration, as the stress and strain of the situation is felt equally by the family, given they keep everything together, and look after you, the patient. While they are providing all the physical and mental support, it is key to check in and see how they are doing, given the instrumental role they play.

Outside of family, one of the most impactful conversations was with a friend of many years who shared her sons personal journey with leukemia, what they had endured and learned, a true inspiration and example of resilience from which we can all learn.

Of course, having friends sit with me in intensive care, despite their distain for hospitals and almost passing out during the visit only to be told by the nurse – “I’m not looking after you mate”. Another example is those spending time with me at home watching footie games, eating meat pies or those who travelled specifically from overseas, looking after me when my wife took my daughter to an interstate dance festival, one I was determined they both went on as an “escape” from the craziness being experienced at home. Also, being sent well-considered goodies from another long-time friend within KPMG, like thought provoking reading material, Socceroo and Matilda football memorabilia during the recent world cups, which simply cannot be measured.

You may be surprised that some people don’t respond or reach out, this does not mean they don’t care or are not interested, they may simply not know how to respond or would like to give you some space to breathe. Don’t despair, In their own time they will rally around you.

All of this said, there are amazing humans in the world - too many to list, I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation but know that whatever life throws at us, those in the village will stand tall and will provide you the comfort and support you need. My advice is grab the support with both hands !

A PERIOD OF REFLECTION AND GROWTH - “Reasons not to worry”

Nothing, and I mean nothing can quite prepare you for your journey ahead, most are without symptoms and hit you from left field. I have found looking at what I can learn from my experience, like how I manage my character, how I react and respond to others to be key.

One of my work colleagues put me onto a book recently about “reasons not to worry” as it highlights how little we really control, other than our character and how we respond to others, which forces you to put your energy into what you truly can effect change in - yes, easy to say, hard to do but like evicting “Bert”, it too is a process.

AVOID DR GOOGLE ………

In my oncologists office is one of the best coffee mugs I’ve seen -it reads “don’t confuse your google research with my medical degree” – trust me, the online research available can confuse you more than anything and the referenced studies and journeys won’t mirror your own, especially given how much has changed, given clinical research and trials, over the last 10-15 years.

I’d suggest you avoid the urge to conduct any online research otherwise you’ll fall into the trap mentioned above about "control" vs. leaving the outcomes to the professionals and focus’s your energy on getting better.

SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED ?

My journey is not over, but by taking one step at a time, trusting the specialists with each step taken, and learning from one of the most challenging growth experiences of my life, has been fundamentally life changing.

The role of family has been, and still is critical on this journey, especially as my folks are overseas and unable to travel, so leaning on my wife (my Rock) and having her family here, all bending over backwards, doing everything they can no matter how crazy my requests are, is simply immeasurable and highlights the value of family, which can often be taken for granted.

Outside of family, there are many other lessons, If I was to share my learnings over the last 12 months they would be, prioritizing MY health, celebrating small wins, leveraging support from your village, focusing on reasons not to worry and avoiding Dr Google.

No matter what is going on in your life, my hope is that through my hardship and recent experience, that my lessons can alleviate some tension and provide a reference for your journey.