Is everything up for redefinition?

You may not know that I've been working for almost 30 years across more than 60 countries with women, their empowerment and integrated, authentic leadership. I've written a couple of books, led small and huge transformational projects, and with my consultancy About People, collaborated with multi-national organisations, their leadership, and change programmes offering strategies that arose out of the feminine way. (I'll expand on this another time.)

About 5 years ago I began to be concerned about the impact that this massive systemic transformation with women and the emergent feminine way was having on my 'brothers'. Books like The End of Men (and the rise of women) by Hanna Rosin underscored a movement toward an economy that was more suited to the natural tendencies of women.

As women, we generally have the conditioning, capacity, and networks for sharing/collaborating and cooperating. (When we're not set up within competitive eco-systems like corporate.) We work stuff out together. We laugh, celebrate, commiserate, grieve, and cry together. Not so with men. I started interviewing men and yes, it turned out that it is undeniably a very challenging time, but most men and women are completely unconscious of the fact that something 'invisible' is moving, pushing, pulling, and prodding the underbelly of identity. It feels uncomfortable and overwhelming at times, confusing and paralysing at others; and the results are often very damaging for everyone involved.

This is a potent situation in our current world. It is not personal at all, yet if you ask any man who can't find where the goalposts have moved to, who isn't sure who or how to be on the new playing field, who is face to face with accepting that life promised to offer more happiness but isn't... he'll tell you it feels VERY personal. Then again, he may not because men it seems don't normally share this kind of thing....and therein lies a significant challenge.

In one of my many conversations during these past 5 years with men from many cultures and countries, one person said: "Caroline what you don't understand is that we - men - are lonely lions."

Culture and conditioning in our world are responsible for limiting all of us in our self-expression and ability to live fully and wholeheartedly. The good news? If human beings created culture and conditioning, then as human beings, we get to say when and why it's not working anymore and then we get to change it.

I vote for the 'then' bit being 'now'.

The following is a cut and paste from the Black Dog Institute site and although we're just looking at stats and not the deep research that sits behind them, they are certainly telling.

Current facts

• Every year:
• Over 65,000 Australians make a suicide attempt
• More than 3,000 Australians died by suicide in 2017 (1)
• Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians between 15 and 44 years of age (2)
• Young Australians are more likely to take their own life than die in motor vehicle accidents
• In 2017, about 75% of people who died by suicide were males and 25% were females (1)
• In 2017, the suicide rate among Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people was approximately twice that of non-Indigenous Australians (1)

Causes of suicide

The causes of suicide are complex. Factors that may contribute to suicide include:

• stressful life events
• trauma
• mental illness
• physical illness
• drug or alcohol abuse
• poor living circumstances

By contrast, there are protective factors that make us more resilient and can reduce suicidal behaviour, such as:

• supportive social relationships
• a sense of control
• a sense of purpose
• family harmony
• effective help-seeking
• positive connections to good health services available

References

1. ‘Causes of Death’, 26 Sep 2018, Australian Bureau of Statistics, https://www.abs.gov.au/Causes-of-Death
2. ‘Causes of Death’, 27 Sep 2017, Australian Bureau of Statistics, https://www.abs.gov.au/Causes-of-Death

During COVID

The Victorian government last month reported a 33% increase in people being treated at emergency departments for intentional self-harm, and calls to support lines such as Lifeline and Beyond Blue have doubled.

Spend on alcohol has gone through the roof and domestic violence and femicide have increased.

The conversation on life, meaning, and joy is long overdue. As Tyson Yunkaporta and Megan Kelleher said in our recent Optimist Heart conversation, sustainability is no longer relevant; what's the point in sustaining something that is not nourishing our humanity or our connection to the earth, ourselves, or each other?

It's time for Regenerative practices, economies, communities...but that means learning because so far we only know what we've done already. Learning means humility and being a bit incompetent on the way to discovering. Learning means surrender. Learning means trust. Learning means co-creation, care, and courage. And much more. But learning is a natural instinct of human beings when we strip away the egoic structures of posturing and pretending. So that is really good news. It's actually a relief. When performance, power or position are no longer the focus, then learning is the natural default. Learning together is even more natural.

Is it too much of a stretch to think we can do it? I think we ARE doing it in certain sectors and segments. Maybe we need to ramp up the focus a little...simplify our lives somewhat... work out what's really important...put the focus on happy first and having after? COVID has certainly given us the opportunity to go there if that's what we want. Perhaps it's just finding the right question, you know, the one that allows us to pinpoint the answer that is just aching to fly free from our truest nature? If that is true, what might your liberation question be?

So as you can see, this is not really an article as such, rather a meandering amble (or ramble) of intersecting and overlapping ideas. I think meandering is a worthwhile past-time. Do you?