Everything In Life Is A Choice - Nancy's Story
As hurricanes pound down on us and the political landscape is it’s own tornado, I find it challenging to stay focused
There’s a lot going on right now that is unprecedented. And it’s all going on at the same time
I’ll leave it up to you to connect your own dots
I’ve got my own connections. My own dots
I’m leaning into a few concepts to get me through
But there’s one concept that eludes me more than I would like but has been a great lesson that I apparently need to relearn over and over
Everything in life is a choice
We can’t control much, but we can control that. Our outlook. How we respond to things
Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you
When I was a young technical recruiter back in the 90's, I was working a permanent placement desk, which meant that I communicated with both the client and the candidate. We called it a "full" desk
Working a full desk had its pluses and minuses
Minus was it was more responsibility
Plus was you were in complete control of the communication. No intermediary
This one particular Friday, I had prepared for a celebratory weekend. I had closed a big deal (verbally) and was packing up my desk to head home and have a few beers by the pool.
Not my pool, my shitty studio apartment had a pool and my beer of choice was Anheuser Busch Natural Light (drop in a lime and you had a Corona)
I was still working my way up from the bottom, so closing a 20k deal was life changing
I think it was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and my phone rang
I looked at it for 3 rings. I thought, fuck it, I'll return the call on Monday. Then a little voice inside said...pick it up...who do you think you are?...you need every call you can get
So I answered
It was Nancy (I remember her last name to this day but will keep that to myself)
Nancy was my verbal deal
She was crying (oh shit)
Long story short, Nancy's husband had just told her he was leaving her
Nancy was a lovely, talented, substantially overweight sweetheart with very low self esteem
She said she couldn't possibly change anything else in her life right now. She said she was sorry, but was going to have to turn the offer down.
Gut punch
Scrambling but sincerely, I said, "I'm so sorry Nancy...but might this be the perfect opportunity to start over? I think I can get you a delayed start date so you can let some time go by, but then, new job, higher pay, fresh beginning...leave the past behind"
I didn't pressure her, I was simply trying to interject some objectivity into a very emotional situation
She just couldn't even wrap her arms around things
She was extremely apologetic. Heartbroken
I told her it was ok and that she should call me when she able. Not to worry. Things would work. I'd be there when she called back
I hung up. Despondent. It was time for that Corona
But again...a little voice in my head. Fuck this. I can do something about this.
I took a breath and thought about my options
I hadn't even thought to ask Nancy who she might know
I called her back and asked her. "If you could help me out Nanc, I sure would appreciate it. I already told them you were coming based on our last discussion..."
She thought for a second and then had an epiphany (I could hear her gasp)
She gave me the number of a trusted colleague. And since Nancy had interviewed and accepted the job with my client, she knew EXACTLY what they needed
I called this woman and said Nancy had referred me. We had a great chat and she was very interested
I asked her if she could take a call. She said yes
I called the client and shared everything. Full transparency, divorce and all. Nancy's recommendation and all.
They talked 15 minutes later. She was able to go in that day around 5. They made her an offer and she took it!
BAM!
My takeaways...
Amor fati is a Latin phrase that means "love of fate" or "love of one's fate" (This is at least correct enough).
It infers that we see everything that happens to us, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary.
Stoic principles are of keen interest to me
In the Christian faith it is said that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”
When I’ve been most challenged, it’s been my savior
You take a combo of The Big Guy and Everything Is A Choice and you have what you can AND can’t control covered
Then it becomes a matter of consistency and persistence
Just don’t quit. Keep going
I get this wrong all the time.?
If you miss a day, start over
Forgive yourself and move on
Don’t wallow. We all wallow. Knock it off
It’s very easy to get consumed with distraction, fear, anxiety and confusion
But, in my experience, if you can separate what you can’t control from what you can, focus on what’s in your control, and accept that things happen for you, life gets a little easier
Worry ratchets down and hope ratchets up
Just sayin
If I can help, let me know. Reach out https://calendly.com/7pillarsglobal/30min
.