Everyone's (Not) Talking About Mental Health

TW: Depression, Suicide

I have written about a lot of things over the last month (all those links are at the bottom of this newsletter), but none generated more responses than a post where I talked about my mental health. I'm doing much better now, but over the last four months, I had this gray cloud of depression hanging over my head.

You won't see me posting about it on LinkedIn when I'm in the depths of that darkness. But once I start to see light again, I try to just say the hard thing out loud. To say "I'm depressed" without shame or guilt. To let other folks know they aren't alone.

I didn't understand just how rare that is until I got over 75 private messages about other people's mental health. These confessions came from people - gay and straight, of all colors of skin, from every background, and from different countries. There was so much shame. Fear. Confessions of feeling like a failure.

Alternatively, I also felt this collective sense of relief from them. Not because everything was fine and perfect in their lives, but freedom from feeling like they needed to keep a big secret. The relief of realizing they weren't alone.

That's the thing about depression. It'll convince you you're the only one, that no one cares, and it'll never end. Add in a dimension of diversity that makes you feel like an "only" in the room and those symptoms only increase. That's not conjecture, that's the truth. For example, white heterosexual people report a 23% rate of depression. For the LGBT+ community, that number jumps to 50%. National Health Institute data shows that rates of all three suicide-related behaviors — thoughts, plans, attempts — were generally higher among lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults than among heterosexual adults.

Here's the thing. No matter who you are, what you look like, who your parents were, or who you love, the depression feels the same. It makes people ask the same hard questions. The hardest of all being, "Does it even matter if I'm here?"

I want to tell you with no uncertainty that it does matter if you're here. Please stay with us.

Because if my dark days have taught me anything? It's that if today feels awful, tomorrow has to be a little better. If it's not? Well, at least it's not today. Oh, and if you're willing to be vulnerable and share? You can save yourself and someone else.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, please use the resources available to us including this free suicide hotline: https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

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