Everyone's Doing It

Do you remember anyone saying something like, “C’mon, everyone's doing it!”?

The purpose of statements like that one is usually to normalize some behavior, to transform it from unacceptable to acceptable.

Step one is to make this happen with a small group and then over time to recruit more people to your way of thinking.

I call this 'ethics creep'; inch by inch the bar of acceptability gets lowered.

As you probably learned as a kid in school and are reminded even today, it’s not easy work to call B.S. when you see this happening.

I have succeeded at making myself unpopular on many, many occasions by being unwilling to yield over what most at the time felt were just “minor” issues.

But when it comes to the erosion of values and the downward creep of ethics, there are no “minor” issues.

“Minor” steps are exactly how it happens.

“Everyone” speaks up when the issue is major, so the devil in us take “minor” steps.

You and I are witnessing the mainstream normalization of behavior that was UNIMAGINABLE just a decade ago.

The “Fakeout” is that very often the “minor” step is so well packaged that we allow ourselves to think that we’re actually doing something healthy, wholesome, and intelligent - when in fact we are accomplices in the crime of lowering standards.

For parents, the pressure to let your kids do what the other kids are doing is intense.

It may feel easy to say yes now and avoid the fight, but from where I sit as someone viewing young adults trying to launch, it’s a case of winning the battles and losing the war.

Even the so-called “best” kids are struggling mightily without a firm grasp on pretty much anything.

You’re probably as pissed as I am about what’s going on these days, but we’re pissed because at some level we know that have been part of the problem.

Have a conversation with your spouse about boundaries for your children, write them down, and defend each other for the sake of your kids.

Believe it or not, kids secretly want their parents to establish boundaries and look out for them.

Saying yes too often is not love, it’s avoiding love.

God Bless,

Toby LaVigne, Guide and Outfitter: Hunting 4 Purpose