Everyone would be better off if you were not here!

This was me talking to myself when I was 22 years old. This thought process went on for a few months until I gave in and decided to plan on how I could end all the pain.

My rugby career was ended through injury, my girlfriend at the time was being abused by her employer, I was in debt, I turned to alcohol for an escape which effected my relationship with my family and friends, and I wasn’t performing well at work.

I became at peace with my plan and had a feeling of relief that soon it would all be over.

I was lucky, many are not. After 3 days in hospital I knew I needed change and this meant that I would have to seek help and more importantly, talk.

I find this time of year hard as do so many others. Dark and cold days, the aftermath of the festive period and the longest month between pay days and illnesses.

I have been through more difficult situations since my suicide attempt, but this doesn’t take anything away from how I was feeling at the time. I have learned new coping mechanisms and aware of my triggers so I can acknowledge when I need support and support comes in several forms. There are services like ours, friends, family and even yourself. I learned to cope better once I learned to talk to myself more.

I am fortunate to be able to tell my story and do the work I do daily to prevent this from happening to others.

The message I want to get over today is that you matter, your feelings and pain are valid, feeling like this doesn’t mean you’re weak, you don’t have to feel guilty you are not a burden and if you are a suicide attempt survivor, you are not alone and it’s a great thing that you survived!

I can’t say talking will fix everything and heal the pain but it’s the start towards it.

I am grateful to be able to share my story and thank you for taking the time to read it.

If you or someone you know are thinking of suicide you can always call one of the numbers below.

National suicide prevention helpline UK- 0800 689 5652

Samaritans- 116 123

Shout- If you prefer not to talk then text- SHOUT to 85258?

Matt Witts - Head In The Game Director