Not Everyone Wants to Talk About Their Emotions at Work

Mental health challenges in the workplace are getting worse, not better. Employees' mental well-being took a dramatic dip during the Covid pandemic?and is still at risk due to ongoing stressors such as global political unrest, diversity and inclusion challenges, return to office initiatives, and economic uncertainty.

Half of the global population will develop a mental health disorder in their lifetimes, according to a large-scale study co-led by researchers from Harvard Medical School and the University of Queensland .?

The widely accepted approach is to increase mental health resources in the workplace, including employee assistance programs, access to support groups, and manager training on how to talk about mental health at work.?

I know this firsthand since I've spent the better part of the past three years leading programs on this very topic. Within these widely accepted approaches is the recommendation that managers invite people to talk about their emotions at work. I suggest that people leaders ask "How are you feeling?" early and often, to set the expectation that talking about feelings at work is not just acceptable, but helpful. And once you've asked, then you should listen to the answer, with empathy and compassion--and without judgment. After all, emotions are just data.

And yet, the more I encourage leaders to have these conversations, the more I hear this concern: "What if they don't want to talk about their emotions at work?"

For each of us who will willingly volunteer that we're feeling scared about world events or sad about the lack of inclusion in our workplaces, countless employees do not want to discuss how they're feeling at work.

Why?

• Self-awareness: On average, most people?can only name three emotions : happiness, anger, and sadness. So asking someone to share how they're feeling might be like asking them to speak a foreign language.
• Cultural differences:?Emotions may be universal but expressing them isn't. In Japanese culture, for example, it's less customary to?show strong negative emotions ?in front of others compared to American culture.
• Lack of psychological safety: When people aren't sure whether revealing their emotional states will be used against them, they're unlikely to speak up.
• Compartmentalizing: Many employees feel that talking about emotions is for their personal lives --?and not for the workplace.
• Self-management: For some, their feelings are so strong that they fear discussing them at work could lead to a loss of emotional control.

So, what are we supposed to do to reap the benefits of discussing mental well-being at work without forcing people to talk about something that might feel unnatural, unknown, or culturally inappropriate?

1.?Shift the conversation from feeling to thinking.?

Rather than asking, "How are you feeling?" change your language to make it easier and perhaps?less vulnerable ?for people to answer:

• What are your thoughts?
• How do you see this?
• What are your instincts?
• What's this like for you?
• What do you wish people knew?
• What would you like to see happen?

2.?Learn to?read body language.?

You may not get a clear answer from your employees on how they're feeling, but you might notice that they're frowning more than usual or not making much eye contact. Check in with them about what you see--keeping in mind that body language, like spoken language?also has global differences.

3.?Talk about your own emotions at work--without being overly emotionally expressive.?

Many people conflate expressing emotions?with being melodramatic or losing control. You can model a more reserved approach for employees who are less emotionally expressive by letting them know that you're sad, frustrated or angry without crying or yelling.?

4.?Ask about cultural norms.?

Rather than make assumptions, get curious about your employees' backgrounds and experiences with emotional expressiveness. You can start by sharing how your culture and upbringing contributed to how you discuss feelings at work--and then ask them the same.?

5.?Respect their preferences.?

Being inclusive means honoring and celebrating cultural,?cognitive, and emotional diversity.?While it might feel important to you to know how everyone on your team is feeling, it may feel just as important for some of your employees not to have to talk about their feelings at work.?

If you ask me how I'm feeling, I'm going to tell you directly, openly, and honestly--perhaps with more detail than you were looking for. But if I ask you how you're feeling at work, and you say "fine,"?I might need to try a different approach--including respecting that "fine" may be a fine enough answer.

Originally posted on Inc .

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, Kraft Heinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times. Visit her online at www.deborahgraysonriegel.com .