Everyone Needs a STFU Person

One of the things I like most about the?Friends of Dave?community is the variety of the engaged readers of the newsletter.

It’s made up of executives, middle managers, individual contributors, consultants, professional investors and stay at home parents. We have old people, young people, rich people, retired people and unemployed people. All from countries all over the world.

It can sometimes make it challenging to write something here that resonates with most people every week, but I like it.

This week,?Friends, I have something that I am confident will resonate with every single one of you.

Every. Single. One. Guaranteed…..ready for it?

No matter who you are, where you are from or what you have accomplished in life, we all have had people support us along the way. You know, the coaches, teachers, bosses, mentors and parents who have provided guidance and encouragement at every critical juncture of life.

Think about them for second….Think how different your life would be without them.

Makes you feel grateful, right?

I’ll submit that the most?accomplished?people among us have another, more special element in their sphere of influence.

There is a key type of person (and if they are really lucky it is?‘people’?plural) that every single one of them share that has been a difference maker in their lives.

That secret weapon is?the STFU Person (as in, Shut the F*** Up).

What is a STFU Person, you may ask?

The STFU Person is the person in your life that can look you in the eye at any time you say something off the wall or you have gone off track and say:

“Hey <insert your name here>, just STFU.”

And you listen.

No matter who you are, what you do, how successful you are or the money you have made.

Let’s face it — we all walk around lost in our own heads most of the time. We have random thoughts, feelings, ideas and delusions of grandeur that fill our empty space.

When we start to achieve some success, we can begin believing our own press and think we are better than we are. When we are down, we start to ruminate on negative thoughts that trap us in a dark place.

The vast majority of the people in our daily lives are absolutely no help to us when this happens.?Many are enablers at best, and at worst, they really don’t give two sh*ts about us because they are more focused on their own lives and their own BS.

We inherently know this and, as a result, condition ourselves to just tune them out.

That’s why the STFU Person is so critical.

The STFU Person listens to your BS. Over and over and over.

They let you pontificate.

They let you ruminate.

They stand by you through thick and thin.

They cheer you on when you need cheering. They console you when you need cheering up.

And then, in those moments when you may cross the line and do or say something SO batsh*t crazy or obnoxious or come up with the most ridiculous idea or point of view, the STFU Person shines.

In those moments, the STFU Person will just look you straight in the eye without any hesitation or emotion and say (not always literally, but in their own way):

“Hey <insert your name here>, STFU.”

Now when an average person tells you to “STFU”, thems usually fighting words.

You hear that and things will definitely be said, feelings will be hurt, managers are called, someone ends up getting fired, unfriending might or might not occur and in some cases there is even a possibility fists may be thrown.

But when the STFU Person says it?

It makes you stop in your tracks, wake up, and come back to reality.

Sure feathers might get temporarily ruffled, but the STFU Person?knows the “real” you, not the one everyone thinks is the real you. And, more importantly,?you know they know you?and?how you can be your own worst enemy sometimes.

You trust them and their opinion of you. So you listen.

Think about that for a second…Forget what you have done with your life, any titles you may have or how much money you have made up to this point.

Do you have a STFU Person in your life right now??If you don’t, you’re not as successful as you think you are.

Not sure? A good STFU Person has the following characteristics:

• They are loyal to you as a person first, not what you do for them
• They are not afraid to take on and help you deal with your BS even amongst their own
• They are willing to appreciate even the craziest of your ideas or thoughts because they are stakeholders in your success
• They need to have seen you both at your most vulnerable worst and best
• They consistently exhibit radical candor with you and, equally important, with themselves

Now I think many people might want to quickly point to a spouse or partner for this important role, but in some cases that might be a cop out. I don’t think that it has to always be that your spouse/partner is your STFU Person. It is possible to also have different or multiple STFU People in your life during different stages.

Regardless, if you want to maximize your potential both personally and professionally, I am convinced you do need at least one person close to you that forces you to stay grounded and show some humility from time to time.

You know, someone that can say “STFU” and you won’t get offended. And?you listen to them.

Find that person (or people) and hold on tight to them. Be sure to thank them for telling you to STFU every now and then. If they haven’t already, I guarantee they will prove to be a difference maker in your life.

Have a good one,?Friends!

XOXO

Dave

This was adapted from the July 8, 2023 intro to my weekly "Friends of Dave" newsletter, which is accompanied by interesting links I curate each week. If you would like to see past full issues, please click here (note: NOW ON?Substack )>>>?https://friendsofdave.substack.com/