Not Everyone Likes You, And That's Fine

When I first started to work in the tech world at Google, I was excited and eager to make my mark.

In my first month, I was asked to develop a course on end-user compliance policies that I believed could benefit everyone from internal employees to Google customers.

Enthusiastically, with the blessing of my boss, I pitched it to HR, marketing, and sales teams, trying to stretch its appeal across all these varied groups.?

To everyone, I spoke about driving engagement, speculated on potential revenue impacts, and the ways it could align internal teams on-the-job compliance.

My attempt for this course to be everything to everyone was a disaster. The pitch fell flat, leaving me feeling like I’d missed the mark completely (which I did). It was a tough lesson in the importance of understanding that not everyone will like you—or your ideas.

This unfortunately outcome was a quick turning point for me, as it highlighted a critical realization:?

To communicate effectively, I needed to resonate not just broadly, but deeply. This wasn't about crafting a universal message but about understanding and aligning with the specific values and needs of those I want to persuade.

Tailoring Your Message: A Strategy for Clarity

The shift came when I started tailoring my message to the person across from me.

Whether it was during interviews, team meetings, or pitches, I made it a point to do my homework. I’d scour LinkedIn profiles, read articles they’d written, and try to get a sense of who they were and what they valued.

This preparation didn’t just make me more informed; it transformed my interactions from generic broadcasts into meaningful conversations.

For example, in one interview for an instructional design role, I focused on the interviewer’s interest in innovative, scenario-based learning design methods, which I knew from an article he had recently published on LinkedIn.

We discussed how my previous work leveraged technology and scenarios to enhance learning—a point that struck a chord. The interview felt more like a dialogue than an interrogation, and it wasn’t long before I received a job offer.

Learning that not everyone will like you is freeing. It allows you to stop trying to please everyone and start focusing on what makes your message unique. In doing so, you attract the right people—the ones who are aligned with your vision and values.

These are the people who will appreciate what you bring to the table, offering not just approval but engagement and support.

Finding Your Tribe

The beauty of embracing your specific audience is discovering your tribe.

These are the folks who get what you’re about, who nod along when you speak because they’re already on the same wavelength. Finding your tribe is about more than just being liked—it’s about being understood and valued.

For anyone struggling with the fear of not being liked, remember: it’s not about the quantity of people who appreciate you, but the quality of those connections. Focus on those who resonate with your message. They are your true audience, and they are worth speaking directly to.

Understanding that not everyone will like you is not a sign of failure but a strategy for more authentic and effective communication. It encourages you to hone in on what you truly want to say and to whom you want to say it.

This clarity doesn’t just improve your chances of success—it enriches the connections you make, making them more meaningful and impactful.

How can you start? First, you need to get clear about what your values are. After this, you can find commonality with those you are speaking with, but not before then.?

To help you with this, I’ve created a free Values Assessment Tool . Getting clear on who you are will help you find likeminded people and opportunities.?