Everyone Could Embrace These Lessons for Better Communication (So Give Them a Try!)

I have a unique job. My career requires me to get strangers (also known as clients) to work with me, even though they don't really know me, maybe don't trust me, and sometimes are downright hostile. In other words, my job is to help people, usually in stressful situations, in a high state of protective behavior, calm down and accept help.

Of course, I'm not the only one who does this for a living. It's what all therapists and social workers do. We apply our extensive training to build rapport and establish trust with clients in order to work together towards a common goal. So much of coursework and training is focused on learning strategies to successfully convince others to work with us to address some of life's most volatile challenges: social and emotional issues, mental health concerns, and economic hardships.

All therapists and social workers become experts at building relationships, engaging in active listening, and demonstrating empathy and understanding. In other words, we learn to communicate effectively in a range of situations. And sometimes, we must do that with individuals who are unsure, unstable, afraid, or even opposed to our intervention.

While many of these strategies and lessons were developed for the helping professions, they also apply to almost any human interaction. All of us occasionally find ourselves in need of alliances or wanting to create trusting relationships with strangers. These lessons can help.

Lesson 1: Let It Slide Off You

It's hard not to take anger, mean remarks, or rudeness personally. Especially when it comes out of nowhere. But it happens all the time and is rarely personal (even when it feels like it is). In fact, few people have escaped being the recipient of irrational rudeness or unwarranted anger.

Therapists and social workers are taught to recognize that such adverse or hostile responses often reflect a client's struggles and challenges. We are trained to depersonalize such reactions. We know that the anger is not about us; we just happen to be there when it appears.

I remember this old TV commercial for a toy that could be thrown at a wall, and it would stick for a moment and then slowly ooze down the wall. I often use this analogy when training new employees that work with some of our more challenging clients. I say, “It's our job to be the wall. Everything a client says to us when they are angry is just the slime. Let the words just slide off of you. It is not about you and not yours to hang onto.

Sounds easy, but we all know this kind of calm reaction takes practice and determination.

Lesson 2: Actively Listen

In therapy and social work, we spend a lot of time listening. It's a skill that serves us well in all walks of life. We practice active listening, which involves hearing the words and understanding the emotions and underlying concerns driving behavior.

Active listening requires us to be present and attentive. We learn how to listen in silence, without prompts or interruptions. It is helpful to let the information soak in, think about what is said, and analyze why they say it. When they're done, repeat their case, request, or communicate back to them, using judgment-free words, to make sure you understand their intent clearly.

When possible, give them space to present a solution instead of suggesting one for them.

Lesson 3: Calmness is Contagious

In therapy and social work, we encounter a lot of stressed-out people. Many people we work with are in dire straits. They may have physical or mental disabilities that make it harder to stay calm. Humans can get angry very fast. That's why those in the helping professions work so hard to maintain a calm and composed demeanor. It's our job to de-escalate potentially volatile situations and create a sense of safety and stability. While other professions may not be as turbulent, many have experienced chaotic customers and/or co-workers. There are several lessons to tap into to remain calm.

Always assess safety first. Remove yourself from any dangerous situation.

If the situation is not dangerous, stay calm by taking deep breaths, practicing mindfulness, and using positive self-talk to stay focused and centered. Speak in a low voice. Keep your tone even. Calmness IS contagious. Your stability may help others cool down. If someone is yelling loudly, the softer you speak, the harder it is for them to hear you, and they will strain to do so and soon be speaking more quietly and evenly themselves.

Lesson 4: Embrace Diversity

Therapists and social workers frequently work with individuals with a range of backgrounds. We must remain open-minded and willing to listen to and understand different viewpoints. By taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate a range of perspectives, social workers can better connect with clients and build stronger relationships based on mutual respect and trust

Culture, race, age, religion, gender, political affiliation, economics, physical and mental health, family history, and sexual identity can significantly impact how people perceive the world, express themselves, and interact with others. It influences beliefs, values, customs, traditions, and social norms. When you understand which circumstances influence others’ perceptions and behaviors, you're less likely to misunderstand words or actions.

Outside the helping professions, considering and accommodating disparate viewpoints is also a smart way to get to know people and create trusting, cooperative relationships. Being open-minded, listening without judgment, and getting acquainted with a person helps them like being around you and provides clues that will help you navigate challenging situations in the future.

Lesson 5: Don't Ignore the Effects of Rank and Hierarchy

People with power have an established status and privilege.?People with less power feel vulnerable. No matter how hard we try to eliminate this kind of hierarchy will affect any relationship. That's why it's so important to understand how your status affects any encounter.

Authority and friendship do not go hand in hand. While the senior title may treat staff with kindness and care, the authority figure enters every interaction with more power. Their opinions hold more weight. They retain the ability to start or stop conversations.

For example, think about the interaction of any citizen with a law enforcement officer. In almost every instance, the police have the established higher status. They inherently possess power. It affects how they are perceived and how people with less authority interact with them.

Your remarks and actions are perceived differently when you are a person with established status. Once this is understood, it's easier to gauge the effects of comments, the implications of words, and the restrictions people without status feel in such interactions.

Apply These Lessons to Other Fields

By using these strategies in other fields, you may be able to use tried and true techniques that help build trust, sway opinions, and create alliances. So, try them and let me know how it goes!