Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently

My company recently held its very first employee engagement survey and after the survey results were announced, each department was asked to choose at least one area to work on during the next year. In my department, communication was considered as an option, and it was around this time I came across this audio book by John Maxwell, thus the title Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently appealed to me. Wikipedia introduced Maxwell as an American author, speaker, and pastor who has written many books, primarily focusing on leadership. Some of his books have appeared on the New York Times Best Seller List. Prior to listening to this book, I had finished one of his other audio books called Leadership 101, translated and narrated in Mandarin!

This book consists of two sections: the first section covers 5 Connecting Principles, namely:

1. Connecting Increases your Influence in Every Situation
2. Connecting is All About Others
3. Connecting Goes Beyond Words
4. Connecting Always Requires Energy
5. Connecting is More Skill than Natural Talent

The second section covers 5 Connecting Practices, which are:

1. Look for Common Ground
2. Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple
3. Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys
4. Inspire People
5. Live What They Communicate

Three Stories I Enjoyed

The first story appeared in the chapter Connecting is All About Others. In a meeting of company executives, an American executive asked his Japanese counterpart, “What is the most important language today for world trade?” The American CEO thought the answer would be “English”, but the Japanese executive, who has a more wholistic understanding of the question, answered, “It is my customers' language.”

The second story appeared in the chapter Inspire People. It is a story about a Rabbi and a soap maker. One day these two were walking together down a road, and the soap maker commented, “What good is religion when everywhere you look, there is pain, hunger, injustice, corruption, dishonesty, and violence? It appears that religion has not improved the world at all.” The rabbi did not answer right away but continued walking with the soap maker. Then they saw a group of children, playing in a muddy pool, and covered with mud from face to feet. “Look at these children,” the rabbi said. “We have had soap for thousands of years, and yet those children are filthy. What good is soap then?” The soap maker protested, “But rabbi, it isn’t fair to blame soap for these dirty children. Soap has to be used before it can accomplish its purpose.” The rabbi smiled and said, “Exactly.” Maxwell told this story to illustrate the point that to inspire someone, it’s not enough to help them just feel good or confident.?Inspiration needs to be taken to the next level - to call people to action. Connectors inspire people from “know how” to “do now”.

The third story appeared in the chapter Live What They communicate. At a Leadership conference with CEOs, Maxwell mentioned the?importance of being vulnerable, admitting mistakes, and acknowledging one's weakness.?Later a CEO came to him and said he disagreed. “As a leader you should never let your people see you sweat.” Maxwell responded, “I think you are laboring under a misconception. You think that your people don’t already know your weaknesses??They do.?And by admitting them, you are letting them know you know them too.”?Maxwell used this experience to point out that as leaders, it’s better to be authentic and vulnerable, because people can identify with that and this in turn leads to connection.?

Three Quotes I found Helpful

1. Connecting is a skill that can be learnt and should never depend on dumb luck.

?The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished!

2. When a leader or speaker conveys complex ideas without the effort to make them clear, we often get the feeling, “Are you speaking to me?” The authors says, in those situations, the communicator fail to recognize that

Shooting above people’s head does not mean you have superior ammunition, it means you are a lousy shot!?

Do I communicate to impress? Or do I communicate to impact? Having the latter mindset keeps sentences simple and understood by audience. Albert Einstein once said, “If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it enough.”

3. Leaders and connectors believe the best in people and that they want to change for the better. They believe they can help people to do amazing things. Steve Jobs once said:

Management is about persuading people do the things they don’t want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people do the things they never thought they could do.

Three Things I Will Put into Practice

1. When preparing a presentation, ask 2 questions:

• What do I want the audience to know??
• What do I want them to do?

If the talk is for an hour, include a maximum of 3 ideas/talking points.?Maxwell explained that in the end,?people are persuaded not by what we say, but by what they understand. When we speak succinctly and clearly and do not go overtime, people remember better and longer.?Maxwell shared a piece of advice from executive communication coach Ann Cooper Ready in her book Off the Cuff, “Begin and end on time, or better yet, end a bit early.?Don’t fall in love with the sound of your own words. Otherwise, you will undo all the good you have done by dragging it out to get in just one more point.”

2. Learn how to tell interesting stories. It turns out cold facts rarely connect with people, but good stories have an incredible impact and can even help the weakest person connect. Neurologists found out that our brains are programmed much more for stories than for abstract ideas or PowerPoint slides.?Thus, use storytelling as a technique to create a connecting experience.

3. Be authentic, be vulnerable, be credible. Credibility is not perfection, but a willingness to admit imperfection.?It’s better to be authentic and vulnerable, because “Perfection is a mask and we don’t trust the people with the know-it-all mask.” The key to keep on connecting is to live what you communicate.??

In the book's beginning, Maxwell says,

Connecting Increases your Influence in Every Situation

"People who connect with others have better relationships, experience less conflict, get more things accomplished than those who did not connect. To succeed with other people, you need to connect.?When you connect, you position yourself to make the most of your skills and talents." I think this would make a sound conclusion to this book as well. I would say most of the concepts covered in the book are not ground-breaking or mind-shattering, but Maxwell strings them together and gives advice on communication as connecting with people, rather than merely sharing information. The hard part is actually putting the know-how into do-now, which takes practice, commitment, perseverance and time...and more practice.