Every Moment Matters

“Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task, the challenge, the fear into small, bite-size pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. I actually put my hands up to my face, one next to each eye, like blinders on a horse.” - Regina Brett, journalist

The framework of this post is:

• Awaken to what is important
• Care enough to explore your choices (reduce fear, let the care happen)
• Dissecting the tactics and emotions of the decision
• Choose a new path

Every moment matters. Do you believe it is true? Do you behave like it is true?

As I was getting ready to sleep last night, it hit me that I had consumed more calories than I had intended with the final lick of the spoon from my Haagen-Daz (of course, after I consumed it, it was too late to be aware of the implication of eating – ahhh, anxiety eating…). As a result, I awoke this morning knowing that I needed to work out. I regularly expect to workout 3 times per week, at a minimum. So, the concept of working out is not unique. However for me, every day, it is a BATTLE to make it happen.

This morning, for example, I was busily enjoying watching CNBC, my smiling daughter coming into our bedroom and emails from a variety of sources. This is, basically, my every morning. Doesn’t sound too harrowing, does it? Hold on, it gets better…

Inside my head, there is a chorus of activity. How is this or that stock trading, should I buy, sell or hold, or buy and sell, or sell and then buy later? How many emails can I get through, what response will most help my client make the best decision, watch out for my daughter knocking over the water bottle, oh – don’t lose that thought for the next blog post…and so on.  You can see how these thoughts and many others simultaneously in my head could lead me to either temporarily forget the desire I have to work out or overwhelm that desire.

The battle is to set aside these distractions and remain present to a priority and to act in accordance with that priority. In this instance, that means taking that first step out of bed towards my workout bag, with the full intention of making it to my car and driving to the gym. Well, as they say, “even the best laid plans….” Far too often, I don’t take that step. Today was different. Or should I say – today was EXACTLY THE SAME as any other day, but I handled it differently. I made room for the chance to make the choice to workout. The choice to take that first step towards the gym bag or to take one of a million other steps NOT towards the gym bag. I am happy to report today was a victory, and off the to gym I went.

So, what did I do differently this morning that led me to make the choice I wanted to make? Today, and every other day I choose to step towards the gym bag, I believe these key factors make the difference:

• I create clarity about why I want to work out by identifying reasons that mean something to me. For example, I want to be healthy so my children have someone to look out for them. Some would call this my North Star.  A single point of focus.
• I identify and understand how working out will benefit me with respect to completing my other “distractions”. I see that I am more productive and happy to work on all my tasks after I have worked out. This triggers my “logical brain.”
• I calm myself by visualizing the rest of my day and identifying ways to make sure I can fit the important things into my schedule after my workout. This allows me to feel that I can accomplish everything I need to get done.
• For any urgent item that causes anxiety, I also think through the implications of the worst-case scenario of not completing the task and figure out how I would handle that situation. When I realize that I can handle the outcome even if I don’t get it done today, it no longer distracts me from working out. I must choose my North Star above any excuse to work on the (perceived) Urgent Item.
• I reflect on the true reasons why I have not honored my word to myself to work out on those days that I don’t make it to the gym. I don’t let myself stop at “Oh, I am just too busy,” or “Oh, I will get to it later.” This is because EVERY action, other than working out, is a reminder that I did not follow my North Star. I gave my word to my North Star. 

When I dishonor my own word, my structure for “building a life I want to live” starts to crumble. I concoct the rationale to not work out. But, that rationale is actually harmful to my psyche because I just practiced not taking the action I desire. Instead, I chose another action, which replayed the message in my subconscious that I did not deserve to workout. This is a dangerous, slippery slope—each day I don’t honor my own vision with the action to work out, I make it easier and easier to excuse myself from ever doing so.

 Let’s focus specifically on what I am doing when I don’t make the choice to work out. It seems like simple inaction, right? No! I AM acting—I am CHOOSING not to honor my vision. So, in fact, when you and I get distracted from our intended course of action, we are CHOOSING not to follow it. Let me repeat, we are CHOOSING not to work out. That simple realization may be an “a-ha moment” for some of you. For others, it may be immediately followed by seemingly valid excuses, for example, “Yes, but I was busy” and so on. 

The key is to identify what your subconscious is telling you when you convince yourself that honoring your vision is less important than any other action. Your subconscious is most likely telling you some or all the following: you don’t matter; you don’t belong; you are not important and/or you don’t deserve it.

This is the moment to catch yourself and use your conscious thoughts to override (and, eventually, retrain) your subconscious habits. Recognize that caring about yourself is the best way to regain control over acting in the direction of your vision, and give yourself permission to care about yourself. This is the beautiful possibility for your life.

Why is this pedantic example so important? Because of the fact it is so pedantic. We each face choices every day – to go the direction of our vision (notice I did not say the “right or wrong” way) or not to. There is something that I think is missing from many leadership books and that is: being so clear of mind and soul that making the choice that matches our vision is the easy choice. When I am thinking of anything, other than my health, at the moment of making the first step towards the gym bag, it won’t happen.

Every moment counts, as you can see above, because at every moment, we make a decision about how we are going to spend the next moment.

Often we lose sight of that fact because our minds are working overtime processing a lot of information, consciously and subconsciously. What I am saying is that with work, your vision and passion can override any unhealthy thoughts, and you can actually be intentional and take advantage of each moment.

KLE Tactical Action: To make a life in which you make more choices to take the first step towards your vision, I suggest keeping track over 10 days of how many decisions you had to make and how many times you took that first step towards your vision and executed it.

For the times you achieve the step you WANT, note:

1.  How were you feeling at the decision moment about your life overall?
2.  How much effort did it take to act as intended?
3.  How long did it take to make the decision?

 For the times you don’t achieve your intended step, note:

1.  What did you do instead?
2.  What were you consciously worried about that influenced your decision?
3.  What were you subconsciously worried about that had you doing something else or doing nothing?
4.  How long did it take for you to make the decision.

This is not an easy exercise, but it is intended to make you aware of what is going through your mind at the exact minute of decision. I believe that if you have enough “weight” on your mind of other items you are worried about (from childhood or current items), then, more often than not, you will not find yourself acting in the direction of your vision. 

It is that weight that you should seek to lighten. With that weight of anxiety, all the visioning, good intentions, discipline, calendars, videos or coaches won’t help you take the next step. You should strive to become aware of this weight, and its implications on your decision making at the moment of choice. Then you can work on reducing its influence on you.

We will follow up with our next post being about a method you can use, “Deciding on the ONE thing.”

 Note: If you know a CEO who seeks to be a more abundant leader, please introduce KLE or share this post with them. 

Or, in the interest of practicing what we preach, please share some feedback on how these may be more useful to you and others.