Every Leader Needs a Leader: 3 Gifts Mine Gave Me

This week, I attended the International Simmons Leadership Conference in Dublin, Ireland.  Being a speaker and conference designer, I don't really experience these events the way most people do. My mind is often too busy taking in the mechanics of everything.

While I appreciated the many stories told from the stage – some inspiring and funny, others tragic but redeeming – the time and space to reflect was what I valued most. I’ve been traveling almost every week for a couple months. When you love what you do, you find the energy for it. But a schedule like that leaves little opportunity to think.

I spend most of my working hours in the giving space – teaching, creating programs for clients, supporting the efforts of leaders all over the country and, increasingly, the world. It’s what I signed up for. Giving keeps me busy in a good way, which means sometimes I go too long without pausing to consider the fuel I might need to keep going. While in Dublin, I received a tremendous gift from a woman I deeply admire over dinner. She’s been where I want to go (and further) and has done what I want to do (and more). What she gave me after two hectic days of travel and learning was the fuel I didn't know I needed. She told me her story, both the triumphs and the trials, then listened as I shared my latest venture. By the time we rose from the table, three things were clear. 

A note for you before I continue: If you’re in the middle of birthing a dream or answering a calling - whether you’ve just begun or are in the throes of it - I’m confident these insights will benefit you, too. 

1. DON’T GIVE UP.

I actually heard this message three times during the conference, from three different people. It seemed out of context the first two times, so I didn't think much of it. The third time was during the dinner, and I sat straight up in my chair. I believe God was telling me that building bridges – in work and in life – would be a long game. That I would need to be steadfast. Resilient. Committed to the higher purpose. When you’re called to change something you don't control, it challenges you in every way. Instead of deciding, you suggest. Instead of telling, you reveal. Instead of directing a team, you inspire people to participate in what you see. I needed to be reminded of what I already know: In order to be the change, you have to stay the course.

2.  LEARN AS YOU GO.

My dinner date broke down the evolution of her own venture, explaining how she started with a vision, a clear target market, and multiple platforms through which she wanted to execute her vision. An ally who later became a partner encouraged her to let the idea grow organically, and to look for signals from those she wanted to serve along the way. Her work has been more influential because she listened to experienced voices. Agility matters. So does accepting advice from people who know more than you do. While I personally have a grand vision in my head, I was reminded this week that those I want to help will teach me what they need. I just have to pay attention. My mind and heart are open, as are my hands. I have to learn to give and receive at the same time - knowledge and wisdom abound.

3. BE PATIENT.

Confession: I’m the opposite of patient. When I decide to pour myself into something, I want to see it manifest. Yesterday. I’ll collaborate, experiment, invest and iterate, then check my watch every ten minutes. (Slight exaggeration.) I know it’s important to give expansive work time and space to evolve. To put the work into the world with care, but to not make unreasonable demands of it.  This is a hard one for a lot of creative leaders. We are taught that creating something first is best. Business leaders are taught to fail fast. But some work is not about speed at all. It's about seeding. Nurturing. And gradual transformation. This loving reminder was perhaps the most critical. I am a leadership development expert - I speak, I train, I design programs. But beneath the tasks lies something much more profound - a mission. I am a paradigm shifter who longs to build bridges - between companies and their employees, leaders and their aspirations, and people who have been divided by ideals, fear, and painful experiences. This is not microwave work. Accepting this truth has re-centered me.

I feel balanced now. Peaceful. Grateful. The three insights I received as gifts from this phenomenal woman were so necessary and timely. That said, here’s the most important takeaway: every leader needs a leader. No matter how successful you may be or how many people look up to you, you need someone who has gone before you, who can give you sound advice, warn you about potential missteps, and encourage you to keep going…even if you need to go a little slower! Much love to the leader who loved me toward my center this week. She knows who she is.

Tara Jaye Frank is a passionate leadership speaker and consultant, a blessed wife, a grateful mother of six children ages twelve to twenty-one, and a firm believer in human potential. She recently founded #MoreThan: A Movement - a healing movement toward deeper understanding between disconnected people. Share your #morethan story at www.morethanamovement.com, and join the movement on IG/Twitter @morethanmove, and on Facebook @morethanahealingmovement.