If Every Competitor is Given a Gold Medal, Who Wins? Who Loses?

When I applied for placement at a nursing program at a NYC university to earn a bachelor’s degree, the interviewer told me that I was too dumb to ?graduate and that “people like me fail.”? I recall coming out of the interview quite angry yet pumped up to prove her wrong. However, as I look back to the interview, I know that her harsh words had left a deep negative impression on my psyche.

How do I know this? Fast forward 3.5 years to my graduation (summa cum laude) when I was called by the nursing administrator, asking me if I was coming to the award ceremony I had been invited to attend. When I replied that I had not planned on it, she told me that I was going to receive an award and asked if I would change my mind, so I agreed to go.

When I arrived at the school award venue, I was surprised to see that there were many students and their family guests. I attended with only my husband in tow since we married when we were students there. We had some appetizers and drinks prior to the ceremony and then gathered together for the awards. To my astonishment, my name was called first for the top award for highest academic achievement. As I humbly stepped forward to receive it, I noticed that a female classmate of mine and her entourage of family members expected to receive it and had a look of disappointment on their faces when she didn’t.

I felt sorry for her. That night I awoke from a dream and told my husband I did not feel I earned the award and that I was an imposter. Being a logical engineer, he asked, “What do you want to do? Give it back?” This comment put me back into reality, but I did not attend graduation, even though I was selected as a candidate to give the Valedictorian address—an honor I felt I did not deserve. ??

Fast forward now to my daughter’s HS graduation, when there were three Valedictorians and three addresses to the graduating class. Their GPAs were close enough to each other that their parents were able to put enough pressure on the principal and the Board of Ed to get them to cave in and give three valedictorian awards.

I contend that if everyone wins a first-place medal it has no value for anyone. I’ll tell you now that their speeches were boring—all three of them—and the irony did not pass me by when I heard them tell their classmates how they should work towards attaining ?high status in life like they did.

At that time, I thought about how this mindset wouldn’t stand up in the Olympic competition in swimming. Imagine if Michael Phelps or Katie Ledecky did not win their well-earned solo gold medals because the scores of their opponents were one hundredth of a point behind theirs so that 3 gold and no silver or bronze medals were awarded. ?

Now I cannot say how these HS students fared at their Ivy League colleges, where all students have high academic achievement, but I can tell you that I went on to earn a master’s in public administration as an honor student, graduated with a Doctor of Education from Columbia University, and was inducted into the Nursing Hall of Fame there.

At the 2022 Winter Olympics I saw the winner of the cross-country race stand at the finish line to greet the last competitor who struggled to cross over it in exhaustion after skiing during horrific weather conditions. My questions are:

Do you think this steadfast competitor “won” by reaching his goal? Or did he lose?

Food for Thought

What are we teaching our children to believe that only first place wins?

What benefit is there for young people to think that if they are not #1, they fail?

How can we teach our children to be winners, regardless of where they place?

How can they bounce back to wrestle through adversity and win in life?

Excerpts from: Wrestle Through Adversity: Empowering Children, Teens, & Young Adults to Win in Life.