Every Act Matters

Our society, our responsibility

The recent horrific incident has left us all reeling, but it's time to turn our anger and despair into action. Some are screaming bloody murder and others have a sense of hopelessness. I am in the latter category because I don't know what to do. I am a person who likes to act. You give me a problem, I look for a solution and do something about it. This particular problem is one that I don’t know what one can do about. While the authorities investigate and the justice system works its course, we cannot remain passive. We must take a stand and demand change. This is not an issue of just getting justice, it is a systemic problem in society.

I went for a candlelight vigil and felt hopeless so I wrote a post on LinkedIn. I incessantly posted on social media and still felt a void. I know I want to do more. Many women have experienced sexual harassment. The first time she was groped, flashed, and harassed. Some they remember, some they have managed to bury so deep in their subconscious that it is a black hole. Every time there is an incident, it all bubbles up.

I still remember, in 6th grade, in school uniform, I was climbing onto a BEST bus and a guy grabbed a boob. We did not have the “good touch bad touch” conversation then, so I just walked away till it happened again on the same bus. I thought I had done something wrong and started folding my hands in the front or pushing my elbows out with a backpack covering my ass. A skill an 11-year-old did not need to learn but we all did.

Another time, an old balding man moved his dhoti and flashed me on a crowded bus. There was no choice but to stand there and avert the eyes. He must have been my grandfather’s age, that dirty feeling still stays with me. Even then I thought what did I do to get that reaction from the man? Countless incidents of harassment, catcalling, and groping around the world in professional and casual setups. It took me years to realise, it was never my fault. Not when I was a schoolgirl and not now.

Those who know me consider me a strong woman. I've kicked, punched, and threatened men in my life, but in those moments, I froze. Over the years, I've developed the strength to turn around and stare back or abuse, but in most scenarios, flight is still my default mode rather than fight. At the crack of dawn when I go for a run, at night when I walk home from the gym and every time I open the door to my building, I look around a million times. I am not used to cars. I am a public transport taking, middle class woman raised by her father to be independent and fight back but, I am still scared. I am forty-one, and my hair is greying but, I am still petrified.

So I hold my keys outward tight in my hands, my fists ready to punch and feet ready to run. It's a survival tactic that many women feel forced to adopt.

For years I have not said anything but today, I want to fight. I don't want to wait for another rape or disaster. I want to do something. My first step is to share a bit of my story. I want to do more, even though I don't have all the answers yet.

I initially thought candlelight vigils were hopeless and that agitation would bring nothing. On reflection, I believe everything matters. All of this is making women talk. It's forcing some of us to speak up and say it's time to act. I'm not sure what will come of this or if it will be another case of "Nirbhaya to Abhaya to God Knows Who."

Every candle you light, every word you say, and every action you take matters. Don't be bystanders; do something because 50% of our population, including some men, are at risk. Don't dismiss this as merely a gender problem, a doctor's problem, or a political problem. This is our problem as a nation. Ask questions about POSH (Prevention of Sexual Harassment) in your workplace, light up dark areas in your locality or at least complain to the Residents Welfare Association about them, and speak up if you hear a cheap or sexist joke or witness harassment and misogyny against any gender.

Every small act matters because that's what leads to societal change and creates a larger impact. Don't let this be just another statistic. It's time to create a culture where every person feels safe and respected. Speak out individually and collectively against harassment, demand accountability from those in power, and support organizations working to end sexual violence. Together, we can build a better future for ourselves and future generations.

I have some ideas on how to but would love some more.

• Lets start with sharing our stories because there is no shame in what we have gone through. It is not our fault.
• Would like to start reclaiming spaces in the night, not sure how but locally I want to see if I can invite more women once a night to the chai tapri down the street. Just step out, go across and talk to each other. I know some NGOs are doing it in Bombay but I don't know anyone in Delhi / Gurgaon.
• Ask men to show up as allies and speak up. This will take work but need more to stand up and just say we are listening and we care to stand with you. So as a start, like and share the post and say how you plan to be an ally.

These are all the ideas I have, do share more if you have some