Ever wondered why you really chose to lead others?

I want to gift you a little nudge of reflection today. This will be well worth your few minutes so read on...

Your motivation to lead others comes from the deepest wounds you carry in silence.

The drive to lead often stems from the pain we’ve faced. Relatable? Absolutely!

Our wounds—the parts of ourselves we dislike, hide, and feel ashamed of—often fuel our desire to lead. This drive can be incredibly adaptive, pushing us to achieve and protect. But it can also be maladaptive, leading to burnout and unhealthy behaviors if we’re not aware of our shadows.

Let's join some dots

Ever wondered why you push so hard to lead? Is it really just about ambition or a desire to succeed? Really? No, it's not.

It’s about those silent wounds you carry. The experiences that hurt you the most often shape your motivation to take charge. Some examples:

• If you've faced abuse you might step into a leadership role to shield others from the same fate—or to secure a safe position for yourself.
• If you've lived through poverty might lead to ensure productivity and create distance from the fear of deprivation.
• If you’ve experienced emotional neglect, you might lead to become fiercely self-reliant or to ensure others’ needs are met.
• If you've been parented by a guilt inducing parent you may choose to lead so that you can control the delivery of outcomes to the new parent - your boss.
• If you've experienced abandonment or rejection you may lead to ensure that you always having a place to belong.

These motivations are rooted in deep pain. The very wounds we try to hide, the parts of ourselves we feel ashamed of, drive us to lead. It’s a powerful but double-edged sword.

You can’t just train someone to navigate through this. It’s not something you get from a weekend seminar or a leadership book.

The Functional and Dysfunctional Leader

The wounds that drive us to lead can be our greatest strengths, propelling us to heights we never imagined. They push us to achieve, to protect, and to ensure that others don’t have to endure the same pain. This can make us highly functional leaders, adept at navigating challenges and inspiring others.

However, this same drive can also lead to dysfunction. When our leadership is rooted in unresolved pain, it can result in burnout, unhealthy behaviors, and a constant feeling of being unfulfilled. We may find ourselves accepting promotions that don’t align with our true desires, simply because we feel compelled to prove something or protect ourselves.

It’s time to acknowledge that the drive stemming from our pain is both our strength and our vulnerability. Ignoring this duality can lead to burnout, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and a life that feels increasingly out of control despite the power we seem to hold.

Embracing Deep Development: The Path to True Leadership

The courage to engage in deeper development for both personal and professional growth is essential. After all, they are the same. Embracing therapy and shadow work can help us understand our wounds, not as weaknesses, but as sources of immense strength and resilience.

The synergy between personal growth and professional excellence lies in understanding and integrating all parts of ourselves. When we embrace our shadows, we not only heal but also unlock a level of authenticity and effectiveness that sets us apart.

So here's some tips for starting the 'doing' of the real work. The hard work. The painful work. But ultimately, the most rewarding work.

???Know your wounding. What did you experience when you were young, when you were vulnerable. This is not about blame or victimhood. It is about recognising what your learnt from your world when you struggled the most.

???Know your motivation. What is the one thing you just can't lose that this role gives you? Security - of finances, connections, status, appearance? Control - of others, outcomes, yourself?

???Join the dots. Connect the wound to the motivator. Take your time. Allow your conscious awareness of the of these connections to unfold and expand.

???Notice. Notice the way this connection makes you better, strong, more successful. Now notice the way this connection makes you flawed, fail, and vulnerable.

???Now take all of that awareness and hand it to someone skilled and trustworthy to help you integrate it into your life and your lead .

Taking the Leap

It takes courage to confront your shadows and understand the deep-rooted pain that drives you. But this journey is essential for true leadership. By embracing your wounds and turning them into strengths, you can lead with authenticity and integrity.

Stop talking about leadership as if it's just about strategy and vision. It’s about understanding the human experience—your own and others'. It’s about mastering your shadow parts, not ignoring them. That’s how you become a truly powerful and effective leader.

Dive deep, understand your wounds, and turn them into strengths. It’s about mastering your shadow parts, not ignoring them. That’s how you become a truly powerful and effective leader.

So, take that leap. Embrace your shadows. Transform your pain into purpose. And lead with the strength that comes from truly knowing yourself. Remember, you’re not just leading others—you’re leading yourself. And that’s where the real power lies.

Holding the View,

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