Ever wondered about a life without alcohol?

Today - 1st Jan 2022 I'm celebrating my first year being alcohol free. Writing this article has been cathartic for me at this stage of the journey. And now I am putting it out there, in the hope it might inspire others.

Believe it or not, not drinking alcohol is a growing trend and many people are ditching it even if like me, they’re not ‘alcoholics’. The UK’s first alcohol-free pop up off-license opened in London and Dry Jan continues to be popular with 130,000 people participating in 2021, up 37% from 2019.

Like many of you, I was someone who sat on the spectrum of just having one (or more like half a bottle with a friend), to binge drinking over the weekend. The spectrum spans further into heavier drinking as we know.

My story.

Red wine was my drink of choice, but it also depended on what I was doing and of course, the weather. Drinking Thursday to Sunday was a normal routine. Sometimes I would drink on workday evenings too. Not as much, but if I was meeting a friend for dinner after work, then a bottle of wine would be shared.

In 2019 I noticed a routine that started to bother me. I started feeling under the grip of this pattern and felt an important sense of freedom was restricted because of it.

My pattern started on a Thursday where I would allow myself to drink because ‘it was nearly the weekend’.?Then I would drink to various levels until Sunday, waking up feeling either just little bit contaminated, or to a worse end, rotten and dirty on in the inside. I’d need either a run to shake it off, or maybe a session in the gym to sweat it out, whatever I could face at the time. To be honest, I would often just opt for a big feed ‘to soak it up’, which would probably be starchy, fatty foods like a full English and sugary stuff like a Danish or biscuits.

Here’s how the average week played out:

Friday evening drinks with friends and Saturday drinks with friends, which could start in the afternoon.

Sunday I would probably have a couple, to go with my roast, but try and pull it back to just a couple so that I could get better sleep and feel fresher for Monday. I would wake up still feeling jaded on Monday and just need to get through the day drinking loads of water and coffee (!), then I would go to bed super early Monday to reset for Tuesday.

Tuesday I would feel better, but still feel the need of just one more decent sleep to really feel at my best, so again another early night. Wednesday I was on fire, felt great and by Thursday I felt ready to drink again.

This was my typical week, but if I drank more on a Sunday and was hungover the next day, I would probably be telling myself that I needed a drink after work on the Monday, ‘hair of the dog’. If I went out with a friend from work on a Monday or Tuesday, then I would probably drink, which would set the tone for that week and that would be a week where I pretty much drank at least one every-day.

So once I saw this pattern and how it governed my life, I couldn’t unsee it. In fact, the more I saw it and realised how much I was in it, the more I wanted to be free of it. I realised it is a heavy price to pay just to see my friends in a social setting. I also hated the realisation that I would plan other things around it like if I had to drive somewhere, or I would plan events that would enable it. I would plan for a hangover too.

The more I questioned ‘why’. Why do I need to drink? What am I telling myself about this? What am I believing? I remember trying to cut back but even one glass of wine got in the way of a decent sleep, so what is the point?

At that time the thought of life without alcohol scared me. I was then even more trapped; on the one hand I hated the grip, but on the other I feared life without it. What would socialising be like? How would I feel being the only one not drinking? What would people think and say? Would it be boring? Would I be boring? Could I enjoy myself out without it? What would it be like to be the only one out of my friends who didn’t drink?

My journey began in 2019.

Before changing my behaviours, I knew I needed to educate myself to support why stopping would be a good thing, would make it easier. So I read a couple of books: The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and Alcohol Explained. These helped me see the impact drinking has and really helped me understand how alcohol impacts your body. I highly recommend Alcohol Explained for basic understanding on what drinking does to your body and thinking.

After learning more, I was ready to stop. This was my first attempt and I managed 9 months from November to August 2020 (yes, that included lockdown one). Overall, I felt great. My sleep improved, I had more energy, I lost weight, my skin was clearer, I was thinking more clearly, I felt more secure and emotionally strong too.

What went wrong?

That social side of it really got to me. I felt like I was missing out and I realised that whilst I did a great job of educating myself, I didn’t build enough support around me to get through the social side of it too. I did well to get through those 9 months, but by Summer I really missed that cold glass of New Zealand’s finest with friends. So from August 2020 to December 2020, I was drinking again and I was back under the grip of the weekly pattern. And I really missed being sober!

I missed all those benefits and I was spending more too. I remember once examining each sip, questioning what difference it was making to the social experience I was having. How was this sip helping the conversation I was having? Where was my attention going? What value was each glass of wine really adding to the experience? I remember noticing myself feel more drunk and watching others around me. The glazing of the eyes, the subtle changes to speech, the repetition of points being made, often the raising of voices and sometimes random, erratic behaviours too. ?I remember realising that I enjoyed the beginning of evenings more than the end.?Why? Because at the beginning everyone was themselves. At the end they were different versions, they were taking over by alcohol.

Don’t get me wrong, I know alcohol is a substance that hits the body’s relaxation button, for a short period of time, then we have more to have the feeling of relaxation again. ?When we are relaxed we can be more vibrant, unhindered and some of us end up on the dancefloor having a great time. But my frustration was why can’t I just be that relaxed person, why do I need to consume a substance that makes me feel and look rubbish, costs money, and gets in the way of genuine connection with others?

So, I had a choice to make.

Stay on the merry-go-round, or try again? And if I try again, what other changes do I need to make to help me this next time?

Continuing to drink wasn’t an option. For me I realised there are zero benefits to it. I want to be the girl who is relaxed and confident enough as she is, she doesn’t need to drink alcohol and she isn’t going to be brainwashed by society anymore.

I decided to set a date – 1st January 2021 to be my Day 1. I would do Dry Jan to start with. That way I get some of the social support in the first 4 weeks through Dry Jan, which I did and it helped those first few weeks which I know are the hardest. I also joined a few groups on Facebook (Club Soda, Be Sober – Quit drinking and enjoy life, and Sobalicious), followed alcohol free related hashtags on Instagram and listened to Craig Beck podcasts who is one of the thought leaders in this space, Simon Chapple is another. ?Its a growing space of inspiring people. I attended a couple of online social meetings for moral support in the early days, and enjoyed the motivation and encouragement people share in these communities. So many people are stopping.

I also told my friends and prepared them for the change. I then decided to make different types of plans with them too. More dinners, walks, doing things that didn’t involve drinking. All these approaches helped in those early months of 2021.

Socialising alcohol free

I have been on a journey with this aspect as it was the biggest hurdle for me. A few things have helped:

• The pandemic has helped me get into healthier routines.
• I have a couple of friends who either don’t drink now, or are experimenting with not drinking
• Me and a friend went to 5 Rhythms which is a dance event throughout the UK. This was a huge step outside my comfort zone but really helped me connect to dancing without vodka, lime and soda! I think this was scarier than the decision to stop. It was a big deal for me to dance not drunk. I have been twice so far and will go again.
• I have found some lovely non-alcoholic drinks. One of my favourites is Boucha.
• Alcohol free beer is good too, I like it with ice and lime. Very refreshing.
• I found myself becoming interested in Tea and keen to try more. I recommend Bird and Blend which is a growing business in the UK and available on Not on the High Street too.
• Actually going to a pub or an event and people watching others getting drunk is quite fun.
• I can still enjoy talking and being with people who are drinking and I trap door exit when they get too repetitive and annoying.
• Realising that people will often justify their drinking when the topic comes up because I am not drinking. I just avoid that rabbit hole now by minimising attention to it. Get to the point of the moment - connection and a nice conversation.
• I spend the money on my wellbeing now and am a regular at my local Float spa and reflexologist.
• I recently went to my cousin’s wedding and didn’t even think about it. I was on the dancefloor until 1am!
• I am on the ‘I am Sober’ app which connects you to other people who have stopped at the same time as you and the benefits reported along the way
• Overall, I have been to birthday and work events, lunches and dinners, and it just gets easier each time, plus my friends are used to it now. And some are even starting to change their behaviour for the better too. I know I am being the light for others on this.

One of the biggest learnings I have around this is that it was only when people first ordered that initial round that I felt a little like the odd one out. Now I just feel a little smug if I am honest. Its like having a super-power. Realising I don’t need it. It’s amazing to be free from the grip of that pattern and physical suffering; hangovers, tiredness and rubbish food etc. I encourage anyone to go on the journey if you are curious about it.

What is an alcohol-free life like now?

I am enjoying those benefits again and see drinking differently now. I think the brainwashing is immense; this is a long-standing pandemic. We are told that drinking is normal and part of everyday life for example; on the tv we see the scene where the characters are drinking after work, or a bad day, or a good day even. Alcohol features on the majority of greeting cards and birthday cards. ?And even on dating apps, I can tell you now that 4 out of 5 men post pictures of themselves proudly posing with a beer in their hand.

It doesn’t help that some reports claim drinking can help your health, but recent research is starting to show otherwise. I am no expert, but I struggle to believe it’s healthy in any way when alcohol is a poisonous substance. What would the impact on our economy be if people stopped drinking? What would the benefits to our NHS be? Alcohol Change UK call out that its costing ￡3.5 billion a year in England alone.

These days I am now the friend that my friends like hanging out with outside of their drinking routines, because we do things that are kinder to ourselves; eating good food, going to nice places, doing things that are more wellbeing and fitness related and we have much richer conversations together.

Socialising has changed in the sense that I don’t go out ‘to have a few drinks’, but I go out to catch up and that might be in a pub or a coffee shop, sometimes over lunch or dinner like before. I still go out to a live music event or comedy show etc. ?I love getting ready to go out out, dancing with friends and then driving myself home!

I like my healthy routines now that include exercise and quality sleep. They’re so important. So now the centre of gravity is about enjoying my wellbeing throughout the week, not managing the alcoholic rhythm of those weeks I used to have.

Clarity

One final point to make on this, for anyone about to embark on going out with their friends and not drinking to see what it’s like. For me and a friend who has also stopped drinking, we remember that being the one sat in a circle of friends not drinking, feels like there’s space and awareness around you. It’s weird to start with. Uncomfortable because it’s a new feeling. After a bit more experience and learning, we have come to realise that space and awareness is freedom and clarity. Freedom to be the real you throughout the evening, and clarity to see what’s really happening in front of you. The clarity you get from not drinking accumulates over time. It is not something you have in a few days of not drinking during the week. My sense of 'knowing' and awareness is really starting to deepen, a year in. My mental wellbeing has really benefitted and it has been easier to set boundaries.

In summary, it has been a positive journey and better than I imagined. It just started with no longer ignoring it, letting myself see what it was really doing and taking a few steps. Now I have learnt a new healthier way of living and socialising.

The end, for now but there's heaps more I'd love to say on this topic!

For anyone reading this who feels like they are struggling with alcohol then please get help. Speak to a trusted friend or family member, or contact your local Alcohol support group.

For anyone curious, play with the idea and figure out what your first step on the journey could be for you.

Thanks for reading. Please reach out if you have any questions or want to chat more about my experience so far on this.

Louisa?