Is it ever really a safe space?

I was in a conversation recently that completely changed my mind about the idea that, as coaches and facilitators, we create ‘safe spaces’ for people to explore ideas and do things differently.

“A safe space is a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” Oxford Language Dictionary

For years I have glibly said that I create safe spaces and have always had great feedback from clients around this. I can easily list lots of things I do to create safe spaces, such as contracting for confidentiality and setting ground rules. Or designing in structures that put quieter or less powerful voices on the same footing as everyone else. The challenge I got back, which has really changed my thinking on this, was that I don’t get to decide what makes a space or conversation ‘safe’ for someone else.

As a coach or facilitator I don’t have a magic wand that can wave away systemic, culturally ingrained racism, sexism, ageism or any other discrimination that people face. To claim that my workshops completely negate the hierarchical power dynamics already at play in a group is, now I think about it, absolute hubris.

So now I talk about creating ‘safer spaces’, which address and try to reduce power dynamics to enable better thinking. I do think we have a role to play there, and I think it is a worthwhile goal to strive for. People are able to think more effectively when they feel safer. As coaches and facilitators we have an ethical responsibility to talk to our clients to understand what would make a safer space for them, and work together with them to achieve it.

We need to do this with an understanding that what may feel safe for some people, or to us, may not to others. For instance, I was talking to a person who is autistic about their experience of being in workshops. He said he found the high energy “all run around introduce yourself to 10 people with a fun fact in the next 5 minutes” type icebreakers, really very challenging, even though others found them fun. And don’t ‘icebreakers’ make a big assumption about ice needing breaking?!

We have an obligation to learn about how people can be different; because of their backgrounds, neurodiversity, personal characteristics or simple preferences. And we need to balance that with an understanding that everyone is different and can’t be categorised by just one box they happen to fall into. For instance, as an out lesbian, I am regularly asked to speak on behalf of the LGBT community in conversations… ummm I wouldn’t even try to represent the views the “lesbian community”, let alone the entire rainbow, as my experience is simply different from other people’s. (also what is that community? Do they have membership cards? A secret handshake?). And then there is the whole impact of intersectionality…

How I like to be approached is different to other people, simply because we are different.

So given all this? How can we create safer spaces?

It is easy to then get completely overwhelmed, think “I’ll never get it right” and reach for the gin. But I think that would be a shame. This a place where we shouldn’t worry about getting it ‘right’, but we should think about how we can keep learning and getting better.

As a coach or facilitator we can talk to our clients about this. Ask them what would make it feel like a safer space. Or what would enable them to be at their best? We can name potential power dynamics and support the group in becoming aware of them. We can notice which voices are being heard, and which aren’t and choose how, and if, to address it. We can consider whether our approaches work for a range of preferences, styles and ways of thinking and try to design inclusively. We can challenge behaviour that isn’t helpful. We can work to build trust with our clients, and approach them with curiosity and positive intent. And we can consistently ask for feedback, learn and get better. But I don’t think I will ever again claim to create safe spaces.

My thinking around this is still evolving, and developing my practice in this area is an ongoing piece of learning, reflection and gaining feedback for me. I’d love to know what safety means to you and your clients? What do you do to create safer spaces? And how do you evaluate the effectiveness of your approach? What do you think about all this?