Ever felt like someone in your life drains more energy than they contribute?

Let's talk about Emotional Vampires.

I vividly recall the moment my friend Emily Griffith introduced me to the concept of an ?? emotional vampire (EV). Emi defined them as individuals who leave you feeling worse off than before you interacted with them.

I've come to understand that EVs, consciously or unconsciously, thrive on draining the light and inspiration from creative souls. Creative souls, inherently caring and empathetic, are the architects of humanity's future. Yet, EVs perceive them as threats and relentlessly seek to extinguish their brilliance.

The Root Causes:

Several underlying factors drive individuals to exhibit emotional vampire behavior: insecurity, jealousy, low self-esteem, or unresolved trauma. Their lack of empathy and tendency to control and put themselves first, stems from a lack of interest in self-improvement.

In my leadership journey, I've learned that leading with emotional intelligence and mindfulness allows me to show up for others with integrity, respect, and abundance. Great leaders acknowledge their own traumas and are willing to heal them and create space for others to live their potential and witness their greatness.

??There's something else that I want to piggyback on here: the Yamas and Niyamas, specifically Asteya – Non-Stealing. This one is constantly at the top of my list because it is about never leaving others lacking. Non-stealing means so much more than not physically taking something from someone else; it speaks about stealing energy, time, creativity, and potential from others.

But why do we let them in?

They seem to care! They might even tell you that they hold your best interest at heart, but if we get curious, we will be able to see their true intention.

EVs could be friends, family, partners, co-workers, who feed on our care and attention and can leave us feeling drained, put down and overwhelmed. They undermine our ideas, decisions and potential, planting seeds of doubt and judgement.

Re-evaluate your circle:

Parting ways with toxic relationships doesn't have to be a struggle. Here's how I conquered the latest emotional vampire in my life:

• I trusted my intuition unconditionally, and most importantly dropped the phrase: “to tell myself another story”.
• I honored what my body was feeling. If I felt it, I honored it.
• I set boundaries and cut communication. Because even though space and energy seemed unlimited, they are not.
• I released my tireless effort to prove myself worthy. No matter what we do, EVs do not have the capacity to acknowledge our value, because they can’t even see their own.
• I understood that respect, honor, and peace came from me first, not from their validation. And I surrounded myself with friends who honor and respect me during the days when I can’t do that for myself.
• I let go of trying too hard to find the silver lining or what I also called my “toxic positivity” habit. There are no hidden gems, in-between line messages or easter eggs. Free yourself from justifying them.

Now, my story of conquering my latest EV:

I remember when I started teaching yoga, I was obsessed with being successful, and motivation was so tangible. It got me out of bed every single day. Nothing could stop me. I would bartend until 3-4 am and then commit to go teach the 5:30 am class. There was an unstoppable desire to become the greatest.

An emotional vampire detected this. And tried her best to stop it.

I think, somehow, she did. And that is okay. I am holding space for myself to heal.

Today as I was practicing, I kept thinking, how do I keep going when a part of me feels broken?

Practicing mindfulness, focusing on the abundance that exists within me, and holding onto my people were the answers that I got.

I used to tolerate toxicity out of fear, but I've realized that my time is invaluable, and prioritizing my well-being is essential.

It's not about seeking validation externally but nurturing the fire within. I think of people like Kobe Bryant who devoted his life to honor the passion that existed within him. It does not mean that it went right every single practice/game, but his drive and curiosity were unstoppable.

What happens when motivation is missing, or someone threatens to steal it?

I keep telling myself, you cannot let them take it.

I’ve learned that this stuff must come from me.

Our practice asks us to build it even on the hardest of days, but with a curiosity similar to Kobe's curiosity, even if we still don’t know how to heal and don’t know how to get there, we will find out! It’s a choice.

Can you identify an EV in your life? If so, can you establish boundaries and embark on your journey to freedom?

We will discuss this further in my free Yin and Meditation class with Advize on Wednesday, 5/1 at 6:30 pm (Live on LI and YouTube). If you cannot attend live or prefer to listen while driving, that's great for us too. Register here .

Lastly, please know that if you are going through a toxic cycle, getting out of my own took me almost seven years, but reach out and stay strong, and know that you are almost there.

Chia Gemmato