Even When I Accept Change, the Transition is Still Hard

(Part One in a Five-Part Series)

I’ve been through some major life transitions lately—selling a company, landing on a new executive team at the acquiring company, leaving my CEO role after the integration was complete, and now taking some time and space to rejuvenate before gearing up for additional changes. More change is coming: I’m thrilled to say I’ve just accepted a new CEO position with Catalyst (my dream job!), and to top it all off, my daughter is about to graduate from college!

All this change has me thinking about why the transition can feel so hard, even when I am driving the change. Does it really have to be that way?

I’m coming to the conclusion that the answer is yes. It?is?hard. Or at least it’s not easy. It’s easier to stick with that familiar (if unsatisfying) job rather than leaping into a new one. It’s easier to keep your mouth shut and avoid what really needs to be said to solve a conflict. It’s easier to postpone the project, or the workout, or the new habit that will get you closer to what you want most.

But too much of the “easier” leads to a reactive, unfulfilling existence. I’ve learned again and again that life rewards action. I love the quote by Neale Donald Walsch: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Change ultimately makes room for something better.

So as I prepare for more change and the period of transition that follows, here are a few things I’m focused on—I hope they’ll help you, too:

? Change the way you think about change.?Change isn’t a singular event, but an ongoing process of evolution—of ourselves, our teams, and our organizations. Since it’s happening all the time, especially now with increased scope, pace, and frequency of change, those who face the ongoing waves of change with acceptance and equanimity will have an advantage.

? Welcome the discomfort.?The discomfort brought about by change is not “bad”; it’s really just different. And “different” often throws us into fear of the unknown until we’ve worked through the transition process. Acknowledge and welcome the discomfort, as it is the signal you are moving toward something new. ?

? Don’t discount how you feel. Acknowledge and welcome all the emotions, including the “downer” ones. They have their own gifts.?I read a Fast Company article that lays out the benefits of negative emotions like sadness (it sparks cognitive changes that help us understand past failures and avoid new ones), anger (it gets us focused on obstacles), and anxiety (it gets us prepped to act).

? Sit with the “not knowing.”?Women have been conditioned to think we have to know the answers, know what’s coming, know what to do. But in a chaotic world, that’s simply not possible. Our power doesn’t come from knowing everything or from perfection, but from openness to discovery, learning, and trying new things.

I had no idea—until I tried it—that the single best career move of my life was to move away from publicly traded companies and accelerate my executive rise by becoming a CEO in a private equity portfolio company. Preconceived ideas keep us stuck in old mindsets and limit us.??

? Trust that the way is being readied for us and the right thing will come.?This is hard to do, and we want to force it. When you feel yourself pushing too hard for a specific result, it might be better to let go and loosen up on the reins. Yes, we must do our part, but in my experience, if we are patient, the right path will unveil itself. We will realize, “If not this, then something better.” When a job didn’t work out for me the way I expected in 2017, it gave me the time and space to land my dream job.

? Reframe failures or losses as opportunities.?If you lose or leave a job, you open the door to a better one. If you become an empty nester, you haven’t reached the end of an era; you’ve embarked on a new one, where you have more freedom. My daughter is about to graduate from UVA, and while I’m processing the “ending” of this chapter as a parent, I am also celebrating the beginning of a new career and life for her. I’m not discounting the full range of emotions, but holding the positive.

??Stay positive… I know, I know.?“Positive thinking” gets a bad rap. But when facing a big life change, we absolutely need a sense of optimism to get us through. It’s about keeping the belief alive. It’s not about toxic positivity where we pretend everything is great and ignore the very real challenges. It’s about making changes daily to make our lives better for us and the people we lead and love.

Because our ability to navigate change and manage the fear that comes with it is such a complex topic, I’ve decided to create a blog series on the subject. This post is part one. Next time we’ll talk about how to let go of control and start finding peace in those early, scary parts of the change process. Please check back in regularly…and thanks for reading, sharing, and learning along with me.