Even Then Relationships Were Elusive

As a child I wanted to adopt. Even at the age of eight I could see there would be no partnership. My mother never expected to meet anyone and have children. Neither did I. Guess what?

This is where married women say "You never know" in that patronizing manner women of a certain age have. There is nothing new to say about women who treat me like low rent housing. "Not in my neighborhood!" The foundation is probably- never mind.

My sister wanted to get married and have children. At the age of three she came up to me and said "Don't tell Mom. I'm having a baby." She would pat her stomach and I played along.

She did not know how babies are made and it was an innocent statement that came back to mind when she was pregnant the first time. She was a married adult and it was what she wanted. Next time she had a baby the doctor called it a "Geriatric pregnancy." That's rude.

None of which has to do with not wanting to expand my family even at a time when it was a vague concept. I did not think about adoption because of overpopulation.

Adults were weird. My father teased (harassed) me by joking I would fall in love and get married. No wonder I rebel against his humor and the lack thereof. I never brought people around because parents were like the paparazzi chasing me and asking about my friends.

Didn't they have a life of their own? I'm not answering that. I let things fall what may with my sister and she ended up with solid relationships. Incidentally, my adoption desire fell away when there was a baby in the house. It no longer seemed necessary.

I could become a foster parent. There was a sign for this and the time has come and gone. It felt like my father had children to make them suffer the way he was scrutinized. That cycle was broken with my sister. Was I superior to her? Of course not. The buck stops here.

You don't have to father children. Relationships have never lasted long enough that it becomes an issue. Anyone considering having a child needs to add nineteen to their current age. That is how old they will be at a high school graduation.

Al Pacino will be 102 at his latest child's graduation. Kirk Douglas lived that long although his children were grown. I have no prospects at this point and no one is interested in having a baby right now. I probably couldn't afford it.

Am I too pragmatic to have children? It isn't cheap. Without relationships or warm leads there is no reality to it. that could change. I'll believe it when I see it. There is no unfinished business and I did not want to ridicule a child the way I was ridiculed.

That isn't the only the reason. I had to break the cycle. There was no reason to have a child. No one ever made it a sensible option. There is always that possibility. The probability is unlikely.