A Eulogy for My Grandmother - My Sweet Rose June 28, 1944 - April 1, 2020

Receiving a call a few days ago stating you was in a comma, after suffering a stroke, while in the nursing home, left the family speechless. A few days later, we were told that there was nothing else that could be done and therefore you would be placed in Hospice Care. It took me a while to really wrap my mind around the news. The thought of you sharing your last hours on earth with empty space because no one could be close, was crushing. Today the call that I was dreading to receive came, with the words, “Felicia, she is gone.” The sad reality is that there will be no service with singing, no gathering of family and friends, no programs with your picture on it, no hugs of comfort, and no Eulogy, to celebrate your life due to the pandemic that is currently occurring. However, I decided not let this moment in time pass, without me sharing with others the beauty of my Sweet Rose.

The meeting of my grandmother and I was not as typical as many relationships. I spoke with her over the phone for the first part of my life. The conversations were a little odd but I was so young that I didn’t read much into it. She would send things in the mail to let me know she was thinking about me, even though she was many miles away. I lived in Alabama and she lived in California during my younger years. She eventually relocated back to Alabama during my teen years and from the moment she arrived, you knew Rose was in the building! I was excited to get to know her because I felt she could shed light on pieces of me that I didn’t know. Heck, she was my biological mom’s mother, so what better way to get to know more about the mom I lost when I was three, than to ask her mother. Unfortunately, what I thought was going to be the key to unlocking my past, just left me frustrated at times. My grandmother suffered from mental illness, which I wasn’t aware of until I started spending time with her after her move to Alabama. It was a little challenging for her to talk about memories of the past. Despite everything, she was every bit of sassy, loving, kind, compassionate and caring. If you ever needed a pick me up, just sit in her company and she would make you smile. Her stories would be on the tip of your tongue for days, as you shared them with others. Many of her stories were told from a fantasy view, but over time, I learned to allow myself to live within her stories and just enjoy them as much as she enjoyed telling them. Her energy was electric and so uplifting. Over the years I started to just accept this foxy lady for who she was and I stopped asking her questions about my mom.

My grandmother was such a giver. Whenever I was around she was always trying to give me or my kids something, even though she didn’t have much. Giving was her love language. It didn’t matter how many times I would tell her, no thanks grandmother just keep it, she would always insist. I finally learned not to deny her the pleasure of giving. I would always find ways to simply put the money back in her drawer before I left.

I can just imagine that my Rose had to have been a tough cookie in her younger years. She had the courage to leave Alabama and forge her way to a new city way in San Diego, CA. She was the oldest of her siblings and most of her sisters eventually migrated there as well. My aunts have told me some really cool stories about her from back in the day. I also learned that she had suffered greatly, emotionally and mentally when coping with the death of my mom. That was the major contributor to the mental state that I had come to know. My mom was only 20 when she passed away. As a mother myself, I can only imagine that losing a child would have to be the greatest loss for anyone to endure. I admire the fact that she took whatever ounce of happiness she could conjure up after suffering such a loss, and tried her best to press forward in life.

Grandmother, I wasn’t there to say goodbye, but I know that you are in a place that is full of love and joy. You are finally reunited with your daughter and you are catching up on so many things. You are finding so much joy knowing that Annetta was ok all this time, because she has been residing with our Heavenly Father.

All these years I have been searching for pieces of my past, seeking them through old pictures or memories shared by others. I finally found a place of peace that no longer warrants anymore searching.

Who am I? I am proud to have been a granddaughter to a woman that was a free spirit. To a woman that gave all that she had to those she loved. To a pioneer that knew she was more than what her surroundings tried to label her. A woman that that was fearless and a woman that has now found freedom.

Romans 8: 38-39

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Until we meet again.

Love, "Falisa" as you call me