Essential traits series: You are trusted by people, now what?

1: introduction

Your profile of trust

Some people?trust?you?and naturally seek you out.??

They are?attracted?to have a?one-on-one moment?with you; to share their most?personal?feelings?and thoughts, hopes and dreams, fears and traumas, experiences and lessons, their philosophy and their paradigms.?

These are the people who open their heart and spirit -while having met hundreds of others and did not have the feeling to seek help with them. One allows to be vulnerable with you, taking down the?emotions-protecting-walls.?Sometimes like a rainfall telling you so much that they cannot even seem to stop themselves.

You are

You are a formal or informal leader, a coach, a soundboard, a trainer, teacher, parent or combination of any these labels. Without all these labels: you are someone who is trusted and you have learned to a certain degree how to handle this trust.

When you become aware of this personal trait of yours, you may hear these persons state that?

“You’re the first person to ever hear this (in a long time)."

or

“I didn’t even realize this (about myself) until sharing it with you”

or

“I knew this all along, and now is the first time I actually dare to say it.

Whether a parent or a child, a manager or a direct report, a friend or a stranger, a teacher or a student for some reason this person naturally feels that you are capable of listening without criticizing, judging, contending, competing... You are respectful to them and give them a safe environment to be heard.

Your growth process

Through the years you may have learned that using open questions in an appreciative manner will help the person in need to think deeper. Some of your best friends are silence, observation and neutrality. These friends may have even developed you to become a blank sheet of paper while soundboarding.

If one sees you as a blank sheet of paper, where all thoughts emotions find a space, you may well be the soundboard for organizing, analyzing and then changing one's own paradigms.

You realize that the one most capable of helping, is one's inner-self. How do you create an environment where communication is made visible between someone and the Self?

Tools can be helpful

People's thoughts often wind up in circles. You have a role to help them identify their own thought processes.

You may utilize paper, whiteboard to write exactly what the person saids, or use colored cards for letting the person write the answers themselves. Many tools exist for introspection and these are free to use! You have learned to only ask questions for clarity. "Please explain this, I don't understand ..." in an open and calm voice.

Often you will notice when using Appreciative Inquiry, that corrections in the spoken words need to be made. "I am sorry, I meant... "

And that is the moment that you are so happy to have bitten your tongue and sought more background information instead of advising. Sometimes they meant something totally opposite of what you understood. Sometimes they prepare to be much harder to themselves than what you would suggest, and more open to gather the discipline to take action. On the other hand, you have learned from experience and reflection that sometimes the best advice you gave was not followed up.

Through the years of being a soundboard you may have learned that the longer you wait, the more questions you ask, and the more understanding you are, the clearer this person will speak out and find out answers.

Correcting one's SELF is the most powerful way to sustainably change. How do you help?

So all in all your profile:

You believe

1. All answers are within, therefor sustainable growth and development of character happens within.
2. Your ego may want to provide all answers or advice, however you use appreciative inquiry understanding that paradigms can only be changed from within... Telling ain't changing the attitude or character and will not bring life-changing decisions
3. You have received trust, now you nourish it by being a safe haven; a blank sheet of paper. You are almost immediately on the mind of the person when seeking advice... And they already know that you will guide them to find answers within.
4. you realize there is no hurry, or "deadlines" in processes such as personal development. You realize that emotions may blur the intellect and spirit. So you use "Lifelines"
5. You already understand that: Being unaware of certain aspects is human. Blind spots are human. Learning to recognize these is an inside job. Inside the unconscious mind. The programs buried deep inside will not be changed easily. These are d
6. When you study introspection, you first dive deep in your self. You talk the talk and walk the walk. This helps you also realize how difficult it is to go through these processes.
7. You are open to learn more and reflect on how to help others find their voice.
8. Sometimes you worry if you are the best person for helping one out. This is a great trait... as sometimes you may be right and someone else is needed for guidance
9. Most of the times you are energized helping people reflect
10. You take enough time to have the positive energy and to be completely present in the moment for the one you are supporting
11. You seek ways to improve your skills of sound boarding, visualizing thoughts and ideas, finding methods to analyze and let the person learn to accept the current reality, envision the desired outcomes and how to overcome the obstacles.

Next: 2. Preparation

Ray Jong

Get!T Talent & Organizational development