The Essence of Leadership — Insights from 12 Years of Executive Coaching

What is the “essence” of leadership? Here’s my experience based on coaching executives over the last twelve years.*

Leaders must pay more attention to the “intra- and inter-personal” aspects of leadership.

We often associate leadership with qualities such as strategic thinking, visioning, or getting results. Such skills and qualities are critical, of course. But the best strategy won’t yield results if you can’t create the conditions under which the people can be their best. And creating such conditions is all about who you are as a leader and how you interact with others.?

While leadership is not?about?you, it?starts?with you.

Know thy “self.”

You can learn everything about leadership models and theories. You can follow all the latest leadership advice in business magazines and social media. But, at the end of the day, leadership comes down to who you are and what your strengths and limitations are. Because what you?do?depends on who you?are. [1]

The Internet is full of well-meant but oversimplified?how-to?advice. “Five simple steps to become a more effective leader”, or “three easy things you can do to boost employee engagement.” Such tips usually do not work because:

a) If you try to apply the how-to mechanically without the corresponding mindset, you will come across as inauthentic.

For instance, “active listening” requires more than just keeping eye contact and robotically rephrasing what you hear from the other person. It requires a?genuine interest?in the person you are listening to. Your counterpart will sense quickly if you are merely applying a new “technique” or if you are truly curious about what they have to say.

b) The problem is frequently?not?that we don’t know what to do. The problem is that we just don’t do what we know we should be doing. At home, that might include eating healthier, exercising more, or being nicer to the people we live with. At work, it may involve themes around micro-management, delegation, or communication.

And that’s the core of the issue:?who you are is how you lead. Your?being?is the foundation of your?doing.

And so, many of my executive coaching assignments start with a self-reflection and introspection: what are your core values and beliefs? How do they impact what you do day in and day out??

From there, we often dive deeper into how the human brain and mind work. Because ultimately, it’s the brain that drives all human behaviour.

Three things every leader needs to know about the brain:

1) The brain is the organ of adaptation. (Consequently, every brain is unique.)

We know that every person is different. But often, we do not act on this knowledge. Instead, we think that what motivates us is what motivates everybody else. It’s hard to accept that people look at a situation differently than we do. (How often have you thought recently, “how can she/he?possibly?see it that way?”)

As human beings, we are amazingly adaptive. Unlike other species, we have learned to survive in very different climate zones and regions of the earth. But our brains adapt not only to different temperature zones or food supplies. Our brains also adapt in a highly individual fashion to each person’s unique life circumstances.

Our brains start being shaped by our mother’s experiences during pregnancy. Then, as soon as we are born, our survival depends on other people: how can I get my mother (or any other primary caretaker) to feed me? How can I express my needs? And how do others respond to me expressing these needs?

So, our brains permanently adjust to what is happening in our environment. Our interactions with parents, siblings or other people uniquely shape our brains. The shaping-process continues with adapting to teachers, peers, bosses, and so on. The brain learns the “rules” and develops behavioural patterns and habits.

A primary task of the brain is also to ensure survival. Consequently, once we have successfully reacted to a specific situation (= we have survived), the brain will likely choose the same reaction in a similar situation in the future. The brain is not necessarily concerned with the “best” response in a given situation but with the safest and fastest reaction. Thus, if it has worked in the past, the brain’s best bet is that it will work again in the future. That’s one reason why old habits and patterns are hard to break, even if such behaviours are unproductive.

The adaptation function described above massively impacts our daily work life in ways that most people are unaware of. As each person’s life circumstances are unique, so are the adaptations of their brains. Not only does this lead to?different behavioural adaptations, but it also leads to?different interpretations?of situations.

A widespread but often overlooked consequence at work is that different people react differently to stress — more precisely, perceive the same situation as either more or less stressful: what can be entirely overwhelming for Johnny can be just the right conditions for Linda to thrive. And this has nothing to do with Johny being weak; it just means he requires different circumstances to be the best version of his self.

Furthermore, different people are motivated by different things and have different reasons to come to work. So, what motivates?you?at work? And what motivates the people around you? The question “how do I motivate my team?” is obsolete. Instead, you need to ask, “what motivates each individual?”

2) Emotions at work matter more than most people think.

In the corporate world, we rarely talk about emotions. In fact, many believe that we should leave our emotions at home. We come to work to get results, and that’s all about rational decision-making and taking action accordingly.

However, emotions are neither “soft” nor can we simply put them aside at work. What we call emotions is the result of neurobiological processes. While these processes may occur without conscious awareness, they impact?all?our actions. That’s why some neuroscientists write “e-motions” to indicate that emotions provide the energy for action.

To illustrate this, let us look at what is probably the oldest emotion evolution-wise:?fear. Fear has enabled us to survive as a species for millions of years.

Our hunter-gather ancestors had to make sure not to turn from the hunter to the hunted. Thus, the hunter-gatherer brain was always on the lookout for threats. You could lose your prey, no problem; you would find food at another time. But when you?became?the prey, well, that might happen only once.

So, when the brain identifies a potential threat, it prepares the body within milliseconds for the ancient fight, flight, or freeze response. This happens so quickly that we may feel consciously afraid only later.

Now, obviously, our environment and lifestyle have changed since we were hunter-gatherers. However, our brains haven’t. Modern-day corporate brains are still always on the lookout for potential dangers. It may no longer be the tiger in the bushes, but it can be a bullying boss in the meeting room. The modern-day fear response may not exhibit itself in a physical fight or flight response. But low employee engagement, high employee turnover rate, or a blame culture are typical indicators of fear at work.

Fear mobilises the whole body, prioritises survival, and shuts everything else down. When running from a tiger, you don’t want to waste energy on anything else. Fear in the workplace also prioritises “survival” and kills motivation, creativity, and innovation.

All this has nothing to do with people not being “tough enough”. It is just our biology, and we cannot escape it.

So, what can leaders do? First, they can learn more about how emotions affect us human beings in the workplace. (Recommended reading: “The Fear-Free Organization” [2]). They need to understand their own emotions and learn to respond to these emotions in productive ways.

Then, they need to understand what effect their behaviour has on the emotions of the people they work with. They need to avoid triggering a fear response in other people and instead nurture the emotions of excitement, joy, and trust.

3) Trust-based relationships are the foundation of healthy performance.

When we think of relationships, relationships at home, with family and friends may come to mind first. Of course, we also have “professional” relationships at work, but they are different, aren’t they?

We are supposed to go to work to get the job done, not to make friends. And when forced to choose, many leaders will prioritise tasks and results over relationships. But the view of results?versus?relationships is entirely wrong: trust-based, productive relationships are a prerequisite for performance and results. [3]

However, just like emotions, relationships are nothing “soft” either. The need for functioning relationships is rooted deeply in our biology, too, and again, the brain plays a significant role. The brain is not only the organ of adaptation and survival but also the organ of relationships.

Human beings have always lived in groups. For our hunter-gatherer ancestors, this was critical for survival. Once again, it may look like relationships have become less important in modern life, but remember that we still have the same brains as our ancestors. As various studies suggest, we still need relationships to thrive [4], and “warm, interesting, and cooperative relations with others in the workplace” have been considered one of the primary goals of people at work [5].?

As human beings, we also create meaning together. Talking to a friend helps us see a situation differently. And at work, we need to invite different perspectives to understand the complexity of a situation, make sense of it together, and agree on what actions to take. This only works with relationships built on trust.

The bottom line

While leadership is not all about you, it indeed starts with you. How you lead is defined by who you are. So, what makes you the leader you are? And what kind of leader do you want to be?

You need to understand your own motivations and your emotional tapestry. You need to explore how your “e-motions” enable and limit you. Responding more productively to your emotions will allow you to be your best self more often.

Then your job as a leader is to create the conditions in which others can be their best. This requires building trust-based relationships with the people you work with. You must avoid triggering a fear reaction in others, and instead, you want to nurture the emotions of joy and excitement.

Then, you will have a solid foundation that enables you to?act?together and achieve healthy, sustainable performance in your organisation.

* This month marks my 12th self-employment anniversary as an executive coach (and thus the “break-even point” with my previous corporate career of twelve years).

[1] See also our podcast episode Why Successful Leaders Focus on "Being" before "Doing" － Inner Development Goals Part 2

[2] Brown, P., Kingsley, J. and Paterson, S. (2015) The Fear-free Organization: Vital Insights from Neuroscience to Transform Your Business Culture. London: Kogan Page

[3] See also our podcast episode Why Relationships at Work Matter More than You Might Think

[4] e.g., Harvard Health Publishing (2017). Can relationships boost longevity and well-being? - Harvard Health. [online]. Available at: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mental-health/can-relationships-boost-longevity-and-well-being.

[5] Sirota, D. and Klein, D. A. (2013). The Enthusiastic Employee: How Companies Profit by Giving Workers What They Want, 2nd edn. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education?

Gerrit Pelzer ?is an?Executive Coach , and the Managing Director of Vivo Consulting Co., Ltd. He is also a?Coach Supervisor ?and teaches Leadership in the Executive MBA Program of Institute for Management par time.

If you would like to explore how executive coaching can help you become the best leader you can be, contact Gerrit via?[email protected] ?to schedule a complimentary consultation without any obligations.