The Essence of Being Adult

It was a dark, rainy morning. I was waiting for the limo to pick us up at the house. We were going skiing: Kathy, me, my two girls, who were eight and seven, and my two-year-old son.

There were bags all over our home’s entryway. Bags seemed to take up all last night to pack. It was a fight to the finish. They had all the ski clothes, hats, mittens, helmets, boots, everything. Then, there were the little pink roller bags Kathy insisted the girls have for the trip. Just what I needed: even more bags.

I opened the front door, looking for the limo, hoping he would be early. We had an 8 am flight, and he was supposed to arrive at 5:30 am. The spring rain was coming down in buckets. I dreaded getting all these bags, as well as Kathy and the kids, in the car. I knew I would be soaked and pissed starting this “wonderful family ski vacation.”

The car pulls up.

Holding his umbrella over his head, the driver greets me at the front door. “Good morning, Mr. Paparelli. Are we reading to go?”

I told him, “I don’t know if I have it in me to do this. I’m exhausted, and we haven’t left the house yet.”

That’s when he told me what it means to be a man.

The driver was from NYC, and I could tell immediately by his accent. He sounded like me, except he was fresh from the city and had a heavier accent.

He said to me, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” (I am spelling this phonetically)

After he said this, I stared at him momentarily and considered what he had said. Then I said, “Thanks for saying that.”

He gave me the strength I needed by recounting this principle to me.

Whenever I felt overwhelmed or ready to explode on this wonderful ski trip, I would say, “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.”

Recently, I talked to a friend who was worried about his son, an adult in his early twenties. He was worried about him because he doesn’t always do what he says he will. When this happens, there is always a good excuse, a seemingly good reason to cancel. This worries my friend.

At some point in my life, I decided to be a man and to do what I said I would do when I said I would.

There always seems to be a good reason not to do what I said I would, and in most cases, there was a good reason not to.

But the principle still stands...

“A man must do what he said he will do, and he has to do it when he says he will do it.”

This is what makes for a great son, daughter, parent, worker, and leader. In short, this is what makes me a man, a man people can count on. And because people could count on me, all kinds of opportunities came my way, just as they will for you.

But I fall short.

I was recently invited to a business Holiday Party. I accepted the invitation a month before the party, but I canceled one hour before the party began.

I texted the host, “My son and his family are in town and staying at my house. It has been a hectic week, and I am tired. I apologize for the late notice, but I will not attend this evening.”

My gracious host texted back, “I hope you feel better. We will miss you.”

But I didn’t feel better. I felt guilty. The next day, I told Kathy. I had committed to attending the party, and I should have done what I said I would. It would have taken two hours out of my evening. Kathy responded, “You are right. You should have attended the party.”