Essay in Solidarity with Ukraine

Friends and Colleagues:

Respecting your valuable time and attention, I will say up front that this post contains an invitation to support humanitarian aid to Ukraine. I know you see many such posts. I see them too. To help this one stand out, I’ve penned a personal essay. Regardless of any response to the invitation, thank you for reading why I am in this fight.

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The war in Ukraine has deeply affected me. Let me tell you why.

Bullies have been a recurring feature of my nearly 52 years on Earth. I seem to draw them out of their little bully holes. I'm not too curious as to why, though. Because I have a well-worn, proven formula for defeating them.

This wasn't always the case. In second grade their relentless taunts reduced me to heaving, gasping sobs, alone on the playground, long after the recess bell. In fourth grade, two older boys led a soccer teammate and I, under friendly pretenses, behind the brick restrooms at (Seattle’s) Washington Park playfield, where I was sucker punched by a hard right cross to my left cheekbone.?

In fifth grade, for the crime of occupying (Seattle's) Madison Park playground, I was blindside tackled at a full run, then pummeled into bloody submission by a notorious bully of that era. Some reading this essay almost certainly knew this bully by name, and may also have been a target of his.

In junior high, I was beaten up and tied to a jungle gym by three boys who waved torches in my face and had begun burning my hair when my Dad, whom my friend had alerted, drove up and dispersed the assailants.

I'd love to tell you that these uncomfortable experiences existed only in childhood. But as many of you well know, bullies never really grow up, they just change tactics.?

In the corporate world, a jealous co-worker once referred someone for an open position in my department. But when he learned the position reported to me, and that an offer had been extended to his friend, he told her that working for me was beneath her and that she should refuse the offer.?

I've had other bullies try to condition job offers, contracts, or extensions on me demonstrating submission to an “alpha” male. Or threaten my livelihood or reputation unless I accept an unreasonably small slice of the pie. In every case, I’ve channeled my inner Steven Van Zandt (the celebrated anti-apartheid-crusading 1980's rocker) and simply refused to "play Sun City."

And this brings me to my simple, time-honored, bully-defeating formula:

Outclass them. And outlast them.?

Bullies need victims. They need weak, scared victims to quell their constant fear that if they are not dominating, they must be “losing.”

Bullies also need enablers. Enablers span a continuum from leering thugs and apparatchiks, to fearful (or simply disengaged) bystanders. Somewhere in between are the retweeting fanboys, and the mindless stenographers masquerading as journalists, dutifully covering "both sides."

Years ago I decided I would not play victim to bullies straying into my orbit, mistaking me for a soft target to dominate. One way I’ve done this is to cultivate a strong network of support I call, “Team Tom.” Right now, I have at least 5 non-blood-related men on Team Tom who frequently say to me, unironically and with no agenda, "I love you." These men, and/or their Team Tom sisters, always seem to have time for me when I need to strategize "ABO," or anti-bully operations. Pro tip: it's best if bullies don’t realize they've been ganged up on until it’s too late.

This bottomless well of love and support, in the face of aggression, is precisely why I am drawn to fight for the people of Ukraine, and why I invite you to join me.

Because a victim determined to live free, with unlimited love and support from his friends is no victim at all. In fact, he will eventually be a victor.?

In Ukraine, the aggressor fights with brutal weapons of war, knocking out power grids, disrupting food supplies, destroying buildings, and killing civilians.

I am a volunteer board member with iMiracleProject, a Kirkland, Washington-based non-profit. iMiracleProject fights with weapons of life, love and peace: emergency food deliveries, safe passage and education for displaced teens, shipments of portable wood stoves, tourniquets, trauma kits, and other critical medical supplies. Last year we collected and distributed to Ukrainians over a million dollars in aid and relief supplies. You can see news coverage of our many worthy projects on our website’s Media page.

We need your support to keep these vital programs going, so the people of Ukraine can face their aggressor secure in the knowledge of our steadfast love of support.?

Here are three ways you can join this fight, right now:

1. Feb 24th, 5pm: (Seattle area), please attend From Kirkland to Kyiv, in Solidarity and Support at St. John's Episcopal Church in Kirkland, WA. On the one-year anniversary of the war's expansion, St. John’s Rector, Father Michael Ryan is leading a prayer vigil, followed by an information panel featuring iMiracleProject's Board member, Rick Steckler , who recently returned from on-the-ground work in Ukraine, Ben Sterciuc from Vital Solutions, Greg Hope from the Refugee Resettlement Office. We also will have opening remarks from Congresswoman Suzan DelBene . All are welcome to join this vigil and panel event, free of charge. (Donations at this event are welcome but not required.)

2. March 4th, 5pm: (Seattle area) Please attend and/or become a Corporate Sponsor for Chords and Cuisine for Ukraine, a fundraising dinner, also being held at St John’s. You will enjoy:

• Classical piano pieces from Chopin, Prokofiev, Rachmaninoff, Beethoven and more, performed by award-winning pianists and advanced students.
• Delicious traditional Ukrainian dinner, catered by Ukrainian-owned Emish Market.
• A short, heart-warming review of our work and the people whose lives we touch.

All of the above is yours to enjoy for only $60 per person, or to share for only $400 per table of 8 persons (plus Eventbrite fee). Donations beyond the ticket price are not required but will be gratefully accepted and matched (see below). If you live near Seattle and are free on March 4th, I’d really love to see you at this event. Please private message me if you need more information to make that happen.

Pro-tip: Bullies really can’t stand heartful, joyful celebrations of love and solidarity. Stick it to the bullies by reserving your tickets now. We do expect a full house for this event!

3. Donate - can’t attend either event? Make a donation to iMiracleProject using this special PayPal link.?

Funds donated through the PayPal link above or made in person at the Feb 24th or March 4th events, will be matched up to $15,000, with the generous support of St. John’s. 100% of event proceeds and matched funds go directly to our relief programs.

Thank you for reading this essay, and these few final thoughts. As the war in Ukraine rages on, some cynical narratives are beginning to seep into our public discourse. Let me bluntly rebut them. Supporting Ukraine is not woke-ism, virtue-signaling, or political correctness. In fact, support for Ukraine is not even solely about Ukraine. It’s about our shared humanity and the world we are creating with our children.?

Is it a world rooted in freedom, equality, and opportunity? One where the solutions to our most pressing problems are limited only by how well we can work together??

Or is it a world where the bullies have won, and force us to conform to their tired, outdated “top down” models of power? One where who you fear, or who favors you matters more than who you are, and what you contribute?

These are now the stakes, globally. Between nations and within them. In Kyiv, and in Moscow. In Beijing and Taipei. In Damascus. In Port-au-Prince. In Mogadishu. In Kabul. In Tehran. And yes, in Washington, DC.

Stand with Ukraine. Be Team Ukraine. Show the world that the bullies will never win. Because we outclass them, and we will outlast them.

Yours In Solidarity,

Tom

P.S. If you feel moved to do so, please share this post with others who you feel may benefit from receiving it.

iMiracleProject?is a non-partisan and non-profit 501 (c) (3) charitable organization. EIN: 81-3319129.