Escaping the dreadful "Waiting Place" (Getting unstuck)

There are many books that inspired me, pushed me to do more and become a better person. Many of these are bestseller leadership, management and self-help books. But one book certainly doesn't fall in any of these buckets….

When my son turned 4, he received Oh, the Places You'll Go (Dr. Seuss) for his birthday. The night I first read him the book, I expected an entertaining story, with great rhymes and good life advice for 'children starting in the maze of life'. And so it was. Until it got to …

… a most useless place. The Waiting Place...   ...for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or the waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

Half way down the page, it hit me! I was in the Waiting Place. All my dreams and all my wants, EVERYTHING was on hold.

At that time, my youngest was 2 years old, my oldest 4. My days were a constant routine: get up, take care of the kids, go to work, more take care of the kids, cleanup and pass out for the night. I was so caught up on this hamster wheel that I didn't even thought to think about doing anything else, like taking care of myself or following my dreams. Everything was on hold, waiting for the kids to grow. Well, it was time to stop and answer some tough questions.

Take stock: What got me here?

Having kids and a career is hard. My husband and I work full time and we have no help. When my children were born, I gave myself permission to focus on this amazing part of life, becoming a mom. Between kids and work, all my energy was spent. I got in the Waiting Place because of that conscious choice, which was fine. Problem was, I had no deadline. I found myself in the Waiting Place, with no 'get out of jail' card and with the perfect excuse to remain there.

I don't have time to do anything more! My plate is full! In fact, it's overflowing, half the things end up on the floor.

I read somewhere that "not having enough time" is just a pathetic excuse not to make hard choices. I decided that I don't want to wait for the kids to grow. There is no point in waiting for more time and more energy.

Goal: What do I shoot for?

I made a list of the things I wanted to do. All the items on the list seemed too big and unapproachable. So I threw away the damn thing. Instead, I asked myself: what was missing in my life? What would bring me most satisfaction? Exercising! Before the kids, I was very active, and I missed that a lot. So there it was, my goal: going to the gym.

 Plan: how do I get there?

What could I stop doing to make time to go to the gym? That was hard. Everything was important. I couldn’t come up with some low hanging fruit. I took a hard look at how my days looked like. I looked at each minute and hour. Nothing obvious came to mind. I could be more efficient here and there, but not enough. Rather than giving up, I decided to apply these words of wisdom:

"Don't prioritize your schedule; schedule your priorities." (anonymous)

I looked at my priorities. I added well-being to the list.

Then I went to my calendar and scheduled "Gym" every Tuesday and Thursday at noon, with no end date. There! Goal

Action: How do I follow through?

The day when my calendar said "Gym", I woke up with a page full of excuses not to go to the gym.

I am too busy! I can use the time the follow up on X! What will my team say that I am not here (nobody cared, of course…)? I have the rest of your life to go to the gym, I can skip just this once… I'm sure there will be a better time. I am so out of shape.

But when the reminder popped up, I stopped thinking and followed the plan. I went to the gym!

How did I feel afterwards? Sore, of course. Proud. But mostly GUILTY. I felt selfish for taking time for myself. I felt like a bad mom; I felt like I don't work enough. The rational part of me argued that taking care of myself will help me take better care of everything else. I decided to listen to that part, so I kept to the plan. I fought the excuses. I ignored the guilt. I kept going to the gym. 2 times, 3 times, 6 times, until it became a habit.

What helped to stick with the plan was my overall improved state. I had more energy. I felt better and I could focus better. I felt rejuvenated and I had more insight and ideas.

The time spent going to the gym gained me time. It paid off.

Lesson learned?

You would think that, having such insight about the Waiting Place, I am smart enough to never get back there. Yeah, right! My life is full of ups and downs and roundabouts. Sometimes, I take on challenges and I feel I can conquer the world. Other times, I don't dare to do anything, I am buried under self-doubt and paralyzed.

"I wish I could start this project, but I just don't have time!" "If only I had more experience in this area, then I could come up with the right ideas." "How can I write a blog when my grammar is horrible?"

When I catch myself feeling powerless and wishing and waiting, I check in with myself: am I in the Waiting Place? Is it OK? Sometimes it is, I give myself permission to just be and enjoy what I have. Sometimes it's not, so how do I get out?

The "Waiting Place" is a tool that can help me become aware and then escape. Like any tool, it's up to me to take it out of the toolbox and use it.

How about you? What helps you get moving?