Escape the Frustration Trap: Take Control of Your Life

In my work as a mens life coach I talk to A LOT of men. Everyone is different and each has their own set of problems and challenges. But there is one word which runs like a vein through all of these problems and challenges. Frustration.

Frustration is a problem because often men struggle with it silently and as they do their fuse gets shorter and shorter. And then inevitably the 'wrong' person feels the brunt when the temper finally goes. And more often than not it's the least deserving, your kids or your partner that gets it in the neck.

There is so much about modern life which can frustrate us fellas. Family. The News. Finances. Maintaining good health. Driving. Technology. Lack of sleep. Obnoxious people. Rules. Being told who we should be. Bureaucracy.... the list goes on. But it isn't your circumstances or the events in your life which cause you frustration, it is your attitude and how you choose to respond. You see when it comes down to it being frustrated is a choice.

Now you may find that frustrating... p1ss off Dan I didn't choose for it to take me two hours to get to work this morning when it normally takes me ten minutes. I had a meeting to get to and a lot to do so I found that frustrating. It was the traffic which caused me to be frustrated.

It wasn't. It was your response to being delayed.

Well, what the f__k am I supposed to do given those circumstances Dan??

Firstly, you can work on your responsibility. That is your 'ability' to 'respond'. You could have taken a breath. Put your favourite podcast or audiobook on. Called to cancel or rearrange the meeting. And then relaxed. Knowing you can't get anywhere fast so you may as well enjoy the time by yourself.

Secondly, you can drop your expectations. Wait. What now? Yes that's right, stop expecting things and people to be a certain way. How can you do that? Catch yourself every time you use the words 'should' 'have to' and 'ought to'. Because what follows that comes from a set of beliefs you have about how other people and the world 'should' be.

There are no shoulds, you are literally making that stuff up and it's causing you to be frustrated. Hang on Dan, people 'should' be polite, professional, on time, well dressed.... says who?? My journey 'should' take ten minutes. My employees 'ought' to be more grateful for having a job. My partner 'ought' to recognise all the work I do for our family. Says who?

Says you.

And the best thing about your belief in all the 'shoulds' have to's' and 'ought to's' is you can change them, drop them, question them, and stop believing them!

You could understand that life is happening for you and not to you. If you think life is happening to you then you have a victim mindset. And that leads to frustration. Because you feel like you don't have control. You couldn't control the traffic jam. But with a different mindset you can control your response to it.

Thirdly, you can 'choose' not to be frustrated. Set an intention that whatever happens you will remain calm and happy. Believe that everything always works out for you and that there is a bigger picture that you can't see in that moment.

In order to do those three things you have to turn your attention inwards. You have to work on yourself. That starts with clarity.

Clarity on exactly who you are. That gets a bit lost as we mature and life starts to happen and events throw us off course. You lose sight of who you are, exactly what you care about and most importantly why. You end up wearing masks and playing roles, trying to please people, trying to fit in. Presenting a version of you to the world because you think there are bits of you that you don't want certain people to see.

Each time you lose a loved one, lose a job, something catastrophic happens, you get knocked off course. You build armour to protect you from the world and to stop you getting hurt, yet that armour obscures your view of yourself. It's a preset response to what happens.

You need to know exactly what your intrinsic core values are. And you need to prioritise them in your life. You can do that using habit and routine. Habitually prioritise your core values. And you need someone to hold you accountable so you keep these habits up until they become routine.

Then you need awareness of your belief system. That is made up of views, opinions and beliefs that you have taken on throughout your life and is mainly constructed in your formative years. You had very little knowledge and certainly little ability to question back then. So you accepted what you were told. By your parents or other authority figures, by your education, your religion, by what you watched, read and listened too. They've been given to you. And unless you challenge and question them they form the lens through which you see yourself and the world.

This is where the shoulds, have to's and ought to's sit. In your unconscious mind dictating how you feel.

The best thing about beliefs is they are not fact, no matter how much your mind tries to convince you that they are! They can be changed. And you can form a new set which aligns with your core values and priorities. Aligns with who you truly are. Not who society told you to be.

You need a clear vision for your future, one that excites you. A purpose. When you know your purpose, or your 'why' suddenly things that used to frustrate you fulfil you instead. Because life is not fair. It will throw a tremendous amount of sh1t your way. But if you have purpose it will be much easier to deal with. And a lot less frustrating.

So, chaps, I'm here to tell you that it does not have to be this way. Life doesn't have to be so frustrating and stressful. I'm not recommending running away to join the circus to escape your responsibilities. I'm recommending that you embrace them. And being clear on who you are and what your purpose is, is the best way I know to do that.

I have transformed my own life and that of a load of clients too using a simple three step process. If you're reading this and nodding away, and you're tired of finding life frustrating you've got nothing to lose by dropping me a line. Let's have a chat and see if my coaching is what will change your life forever. DM me the word "CHANGE" because you deserve peace of mind. And because you want to live a life with meaning and purpose. By your own rules. Do it now.