Er…..yeah……er…….it was ok I s’pose…….

Getting your kids to speak.

My diary for the next couple of months sees me working with a range of clients with various requirements, but all with one thing in common – they all need to speak more effectively.

I worry that in this post-Covid age where so much of our #communicating is done remotely and so much of our time is spent on our phones, that our speaking skills are becoming impaired. ?And this all starts at an early age. ?Most schools pay little attention to helping students express themselves effectively through speech.? By the time kids leave school and enter the world of work, habits have been set and, for some, it can be years before they realise that they lack the confidence and skills needed to have influence and impact (and so they come to us!). ??So, here are 3 ‘top tips’ to get your kids (and maybe even some adults) off on the right path so that they won’t need to spend their hard-earned cash on us in later life.

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Tip 1

#Engage with your kids. ?Eat together, talk together. ?I know, I know you’re all so busy – you ?can’t possibly all sit down at the same time, you’ve all got different schedules, you all have different eating habits, you like eating at different times ... ?Enough! You can and must try to change that. ?Sorry if this makes me sound like a smarty pants, but ever since my kids were tiny, we have eaten together at least 3 or 4 times a week. ?No phones, no TV – just chatting. ?Of course, there will be days when Otis or Iris are a bit quiet or monosyllabic – they’re teenagers, for heaven’s sake – but there are many more days when they and Théo chat away and tell us about something at school or the basketball game or cheerleading or football or whatever it may be. ?The point is, they are used to conversing and they are used to conversing with adults.? And here’s why ... ?

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Tip 2

So, you’ve got everyone at the dinner table. ?What then? ?Simple.? Ask open questions, #listen to responses and ‘pick up the baton’. ?“Did you have a good day at school?” will almost certainly get you a barely audible “yes” or “no”.? “How was your day?” will probably get slightly more, maybe, “yeah, it was ok thanks”, “So, tell me about your day?” has a chance, a chance… of getting more. ?Not 100% guaranteed, but at least a chance.

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And you must persist. ?Be interested. ?Engage in the conversation, properly engage.? Occasionally reveal your own insights without making it about you. This was a recent conversation I had with Otis :

“So, tell me about your day.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t bad.”

“What was good about it?”

“Our English teacher was off sick, so we had a relief teacher which meant we didn’t have the test”

“Ah that’s lucky. ?So, what did you do instead?”

“We got to watch a film.”

“Oh yeah? ?What film?”

“The Lord of the Flies – you know, the book we’ve been studying in English.”

“Oh wow. ?That film is years old. ?I remember watching it when I was a kid! ?Did you like it?”

“Yeah, I guess so. ?Was better than doing the test anyway.”

“Clearly. ?Is the film pretty close to the book? “

“Pretty much – but some of the characters weren’t like I’d imagined them.”

“Ah, yes, that happens when you read a book and then see the film. Which ones in particular?”? And so on ...

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Tip 3

If/when you run out of things to ask them, here’s a great game for younger kids. ?When mine were small they peppered their speaking with “er” and “um”. ?It’s the most common habit amongst my adult clients and it spoils what you say. ?Like specks of dirt on an otherwise clean wall, “er’s” and “um’s” suggest uncertainty, hesitancy, nervousness. ?On the other hand, the absence of them adds #clarity, #fluency, #impact. Small changes, big differences..

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Again, “er”’s and “um”’s start at an early age and get ingrained within us. ?They are deeply habit forming.? I’ve worked with clients who have had no idea that they sandwich virtually everything they say between an “er” or an “um”.? So, set your kids up with good habits. ?Ask them to speak on any subject (but preferably one they like!) for 1-minute without saying “er” or “um”. ?Make it a game with a prize. ?Join in. You’ll be amazed how quickly they – and you – will go from being terrible at it to being brilliant at it. ?You’re increasing their fluency. ?You’re getting them to think as they speak. ?You’re increasing their #self-awareness of not only what they are saying, but how they are saying it, which is what all great communicators are consistently able to do.

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So, there you go. ?If you like what you’ve read and want further insights into how to communicate more effectively, contact [email protected]

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Happy New Year everyone!