...to Err is Human!

Many errors go unnoticed, many more are those I would like to omit... just for the sanctity of readers. I do not intend to lend out the wrong inspiration from these events that occurred in my life - though not in the sequence mentioned below:

Falling in love with my teacher – While in school, I thought it was a wrong thing to do. As Love was defined in my, then world, was a taboo and not as an expression of gratitude, respect and like. This definition of love would not have allowed me to reciprocate or to move ahead.

My reasoning now – I was right! it was not the age to fall in love and, all attractions are not Love that was within my definition.

To think that studying in school was, simply a waste of time – the thought my parents hated me, and this was the reason they put me in school. The norms of the school, reasoning of my teachers and "must-do attitude" towards me from my parents did not find a meaning to my then life. Maybe because, besides going to school, there were other frills attached - class tests; exams; grading & scores that defined me. Why was I:

-??????Studying poetry written through the emotions of the poet and their thoughts.

-??????Studying grammar to me, was like studying the engine of a car that I may not buy.

-??????History to me, was studying the horoscope of dead people.

-??????Shakespeare, William Wordsworth,?KuVemPu,?Surdas and Kabir – I had never met them, and would never meet them ever. Why then should I know them and their works?

My reasoning now – school always prepares you for many things that may or may not be of use someday. It’s the fear of schooling that helped me learn a lot, and that makes sense to me now, besides what I am today.

My wasted time in College & Universities – I was living with fewer restrictions, new found freedom in campus, I was like a bird set out of its cage, my freedom knew no bounds. I tried out every pleasure known to me inspired by bad-company & then inspiring friends. To me addiction was a myth that wouldn’t engulf me. So many days & hours of wasted time.

My reasoning now – I never regretted not having lived my life to the fullest, experiencing the rejections & acceptances, the company of both bad & good people. However all these made me a better person with the ability to understand and differentiate bad from the good. Though unknowingly, I was risking too much of my life. To think of it now, it wasn't worth it!

Failing to Fall in Love – This had no meaning and teenage love was just another illusion that happened to me. I was more inclined to do better things, with limited pocket money and too much to do in the little time of those few hours. Love & Romance was not how I wanted to be defined as. To me Falling in love was a sign of weakness, being gullible and taken advantage of.

My reasoning now – I failed to understand the true meaning of relationships and experience of falling in love. What a wasted opportunity of this experience.

Giving up too easily and too many times.. I gave up too many friendships & relationships. I gave up on anything that didn’t add meaning to my, then life. I gave up on job, other opportunities, my passion for sports & games, painting and, other hobbies too vanished in a flash.?I failed to find any meaning in relationships. I gave them up too, very early or maybe the others gave up on me. Giving up soon, became my habit.?

My reasoning now – Once you learn to give up, every time you want to give up. The day I learnt not to give up, that, then became a habit. And relationships - never give them up. Its worth nurturing it.

Unable to cope with marriage – the changing definition of marriage, no formal training of marriage in school, or any training on how relationships in a marriage works. This elusive & ever changing meaning, always had a changing goal-post and, I spent a lifetime trying to understand what marriage actually means and its just the two of us, none more!

My Reasoning now – Everybody goes through the same s**t! No body teaches you that life & marriage are so interlinked & complicated to be defined and so, it cannot be taught. It has to be lived through and, learn as you go to grow. Marriage is thinking less about you, and more about the others who matter. The faster the ‘I’ gets out of the marriage, the happier and longer your marriage lasts.

Blind Trust & Faith in your Boss – I believed in my bosses at face value and, thought that they are fair & just. When the boss say “I” it means the "boss" and, “we” means “YOU”. I was open in speaking my mind to my bosses and in management meetings - “Big Error”. I spoke what was right and not what my boss & management wanted to hear. I lost!

My Reasoning now – it was a learning, how not to be a bad boss. Fair play and being kind made me a better person. You go through what you go through, for a reason. And this is what life has planned for you. I still trust people at face value but I restrict my opinions & views to the 4 walls of my home or restrict it to my cerebral space.

My salute to all those bosses who took advantage of me and my trust in them. Today I understood the meaning – “just because you don’t eat the Lion, it necessarily doesn’t mean that the lion will not eat you”. Selfishness, greed, insecurity and survival tactics are human instincts, and not just meant of my bosses to use. I learnt lessons that management schools failed to teach.

Advising people when they come with their problems –?I used to advice and suggest to people of their problems. Relationship problems, being in love, a rejection, an addiction or even a family problem. People called me a TC – Tension Consultant. Little did I realize that people come to me to discuss problems not because they seek solutions to their problems, but to reconfirm their decision already made.

My Reasoning now – I realized that?they were not seeking any resolutions to the mess they were in. Like me, there are many that these people seek advice (read opinion) from. They are just validating all solutions to hear if the advices matches their decisions that they have already made. So I learnt to give a hearing to their problems, take a breath and tell them to decide for themselves as they are their own best judge.

Telling people that they are wrong – in a bad company or going after a wrong companion in the name of love. My advice didn't work. And when they get together, I became their biggest enemy. Its even more bad & sad when I spoke about them selecting a spouse. I lost many a relationships with those families.

My Reasoning now – the relationship, companionship or marriage definition varies with people. Allow people their space and don’t help & push them and help them to jump into making decisions. People will always do what they feel comfortable and what they think is good & right for them. Don’t try being their messiah.

Nothing worried me - be it an exam, or an interview. Be it a doomed situation in personal life or, losing a job, an investment going down the drain, nothing ever worried me. People around me would call me irresponsible, insensitive and immature. I always justified to myself with the thought - me worrying will not change anything for the better or, for the worse.

My Reasoning now – What’s wrong if I am free of stress & worry? But try and suit yourself to the world around you. After all we are humans who seek acceptance, more than rejection from others. So it’s not wrong to act a little worried, stressed, depressed or sad. If, it is this what pleases those around you.

I taught & mentored people who weren’t meant to be – I went about sharing knowledge, experiences and helping people become successful and move ahead in their life. I took more pains to teach them, than the pain they took to learn. What a waste of time of both!

My Reasoning – Knowledge & learning is not for everybody. Not everyone wants to acquire knowledge. Learning and being success are perceived as two different sides of a coin. And not all are willing to learn to be the best. The teacher can only appear when the student is ready..... I continue to appear only to, those ready.

These errors and more of my life continue to occur and, I make them knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. I guess this is being normal.

After all, to Err is human and I am human...….for a very long time now!