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Today I woke with a pain in my heart and a strong cry to the heavens.

Whaling in pain, and feeling as if my heart had been ripped from my chest, I raised my arms to the sky and asked for God's grace, his presence, and his strength.

I’m confused because so many expressions are passing through my body and I had this profound realization that I kept them repressed for so long...

So I asked myself this question...

Have I ever truly healed myself from pain, any pain...

The pain of heartache, heartbreak, uncertainty, disappointment, or anything of the like.

And I thought to myself…

Never!

I have never spent time alone understanding myself, and accepting my pain so I can reflect upon it.

I’ve usually suppressed it, repressed it, and stowed it away so that I would “toughen up” and get past it like we “men” know how…

RIGHT?

Wrong!

I don’t know shit!

Everything I seem to go through is helping me uncover deep misunderstandings of my belief systems, and today I just felt so empty.

Empty in so much of what I want to push forward within my life, and realizing that I have never created the tools to know how. Whether it's feeling a lack of integrity, and realizing a new level is being called.

Essentially empty by not having filled my own cup so it can overflow onto others.

And today I have committed to healing myself once and for all, because...

My thoughts about relationships are holding me back from having a deep connection with anyone, especially myself.

And trust is rooted in the love you have for yourself, FIRST!