"Equity and Ping-Pong Won’t Pay My Bills: The Harsh Truth About Start-up Compensation"

Culture Won’t Pay the Bills

You say your startup has an incredible culture. A ping-pong table in the break room. Weekly happy hours. Team-building retreats where we all share our “why.” That’s great. Truly. But you know what else has a great culture? My house, where the rent is due every month.

Here’s a reality check: culture doesn’t pay the mortgage. It doesn’t cover childcare, groceries, or the inexplicably high cost of avocado toast. No matter how many quirky Slack emojis you invent, they won’t keep the lights on.

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Equity Is Just Monopoly Money Until It’s Not

Ah, yes, the golden carrot of startup compensation: equity. You dangle it in front of us like we’re contestants on Shark Tank. “Sure, the salary is low, but you’ll own 0.5% of the company! Think of the upside!”

Let’s break this down:

• Your company has about as much chance of becoming the next Google as I do of winning an Olympic gold medal in synchronized swimming.
• Even if you do make it big, by the time investors and dilution take their cut, my 0.5% will barely cover a year’s worth of Netflix.

Equity is a lottery ticket, not a paycheck. And until it cashes out (if it ever does), it’s not going to buy me dinner.

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Your Product Isn’t That Exciting

I hate to break it to you, but nobody is as excited about your product as you are. You might think your app that “gamifies grocery shopping for Gen Z” is revolutionary, but to the rest of us, it’s just another app we’ll probably forget to download.

Every founder believes their startup is special. That’s your job, and we respect the hustle. But don’t expect your passion to instantly translate into ours, especially when you’re asking us to take a massive pay cut to join your “journey.”

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Opportunity Doesn’t Fill the Fridge

Startup founders love to talk about “opportunity.” The chance to get in on the ground floor. To make an impact. To be part of something bigger than yourself.

Here’s the problem: impact doesn’t fill the fridge. Being part of something bigger won’t keep my car from being repossessed. And the ground floor? That’s where most startups stay, indefinitely.

If you want us to take a leap of faith, you’ll need to provide more than just opportunity. You’ll need to provide, well, money.

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Your ‘Hustle Culture’ Is Just a Fancy Name for Overwork

Let’s talk about your culture again. The kind where everyone “wears multiple hats” and “works hard, plays hard.” Translation: you want us to work ourselves into an early grave while you tweet about the grindset from your standing desk.

I get it. Startups require dedication. But let’s not pretend that your 80-hour workweeks are some kind of badge of honour. Hustle culture doesn’t inspire me, makes me tired just thinking about it.

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What We Really Want

If you want to attract top talent without insulting our intelligence, here’s what we actually care about:

A Livable Salary: We’ll work hard for your dream, but we’re not going broke for it.

Transparent Equity: Be honest about what it’s worth (or not worth) and what the risks are.

Realistic Expectations: Don’t sell us a fantasy. Tell us the challenges, and treat us like partners, not pawns.

Work-Life Balance: If you want us to stay for the long haul, don’t burn us out in year one.

A Product Worth Believing In: Give us a reason to care about what we’re building beyond your enthusiasm.

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Final Thoughts: Your Startup Is Not the Hunger Games

Joining a startup shouldn’t feel like volunteering as tribute in the Hunger Games. We don’t need to “prove our loyalty” by sacrificing our financial well-being or pretending your “Uber for Toilets” is the next big thing.

If you want talented people to join your team, pay them fairly, treat them with respect, and stop pretending that culture and a sliver of equity are enough to justify a lifetime of instant noodles and sleepless nights.

And for the love of all things holy, stop saying “we’re a family.” If that’s true, I want to see a will with my name on it before I agree to work for you.

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