The Equilibrium of Self: The Simple Method That Helped Me Find Myself Again After Motherhood.

One year postpartum, I was struggling. I was so bored of life that I started questioning everything—was motherhood just not my thing? Was I failing at this? I felt overstimulated, overwhelmed, and drained all the time. My baby’s crying frustrated me, anything my partner said annoyed me, and I had zero interest in meeting up with friends because the conversations felt repetitive. And meeting new people? No chance. I couldn’t stomach another conversation where the only topic was motherhood.

I just wanted to work on my business ideas.

In my mind, I was so busy trying to ideate and make sense of things that everything and everyone else felt like a distraction. If you couldn’t help me figure out my vision, I didn’t want you around me. But looking back, the problem wasn’t my child, my ability to be a good mum, or even my relationship—it was that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I didn’t want my old life back—I wanted a better, more stable, but still exciting life. And I needed structure to get there.

The One-Day-a-Month That Changed Everything

Around 12 months postpartum, after yet another argument with my partner (about what, I can’t even remember), I snapped. I told him I needed space. I needed one full day a month to switch back into the woman I was before motherhood, to do deep, uninterrupted work on me.

We agreed: Every last Friday of the month would be my day.

I’d leave at 9 AM and come back at 9 PM. It wasn’t easy for my partner—he’s an entrepreneur and doesn’t thrive on structure like I do—but he compromised. And that single act of structure changed everything.

The first four months? I spent them figuring out who I was. That’s when I built the Redefine & Realign framework.

For years, I had been constantly redefining myself and trying to realign my life back to who I was and wanted to be. But this time, it felt different. It felt critical. So, I created a structured process for myself—and it worked instantly.

I felt different. I walked different. I started showing up with confidence. And though I’m still a work in progress, the instant shift gave me the momentum I needed to keep going.

Almost a year later, I’ve started helping other mums do the same.

The Equilibrium of Self

The Equilibrium of Self is the balance between who you were, who you are, and who you’re becoming. Most people can’t define it when asked. But here’s the thing—if you don’t define it for yourself, life will do it for you. And that’s how you wake up one day feeling completely lost, stuck, or misaligned.

When I first asked myself, “Who am I?” I struggled to answer without including society-given titles like ‘mum,’ ‘wife,’ or ‘entrepreneur.’ But who are you outside of those roles? That’s what the Equilibrium of Self helps you uncover.

For men reading this: Supporting a woman in rediscovering herself after birth isn’t just for her—it benefits your relationship, your home, and your connection. When a woman has clarity on who she is, she has mental freedom to show up in a way that strengthens the partnership. If your partner is easily frustrated, emotionally drained, or struggling with self-criticism, she probably needs time to redefine herself. Send this to her and start the conversation, or point her in my direction—I’d love to support her through it.

This method isn’t just for early motherhood. It’s for anyone navigating change and feeling like life isn’t quite aligned. If you’ve ever felt stuck in transition, this framework gives you the clarity to move forward.

How I Redefined Myself: The 16-Question Method

For four months, I answered 16 deep questions—four times. Each round, I chose (highlighted) the most important answer from my responses at that time. By the end of the four months, I reviewed my highlighted answers. If they remained consistent, I had my answer. If they differed, I made a final decision based on the themes that came up most often.

That’s how I found what I call The Equilibrium of Self.

Pro tip: Write your answers down. Cut up pieces of paper. Move them around. Visually seeing your priorities laid out in front of you gives a different level of clarity.

Here are the six areas I focused on:

• Self (Who am I outside of being a mum?)
• Family (What kind of parent and partner do I want to be?)
• Relationships (What friendships feel aligned? Who do I need to set boundaries with?)
• Career/Business (Am I doing what I love? What does success look like for me?)
• Money (What is my relationship with money? How do I want to earn and spend?)
• Legacy/Death (How do I want to be remembered? What impact do I want to leave?)

This method gave me absolute clarity.

Mastery Moment

This week, I want you to try the first step of the Redefine & Realign method. Here’s your task:

1. Pick one of the six categories above. (Self, Family, Relationships, Career/Business, Money, Legacy/Death.)
2. Ask yourself ONE deep question in that area. Example: Who am I outside of being a mum?
3. Write down your answer. Then ask yourself, Is this truly what I want, or is this what I think I should want?

Bonus: If you’re comfortable, share your answer with me. Let’s redefine and realign together.

You Are More Than ‘Just a Mum’

Motherhood can consume you, but it doesn’t have to erase you. Taking time to redefine and realign who you are allows you to step into motherhood (and life) with confidence and clarity.

This method changed my life—and now I want to help you do the same.

If this resonated with you, share it with a friend or your partner who might need to hear this. Let’s start the conversation.

Here for the chaos and the growth, Aahliyah