Equality isn't about you, it's about us.

Have you ever found yourself having a conversation about something that hurt a person or group of people you care about, only to have the person you’re sharing with make the situation about themselves?

Example 

Tom: My son is being bullied at school. 

John: He’ll be okay. I got bullied and I got over it.

BOOM. Right there. The breakdown in communication. Suddenly the conversation became about John. When people view the world, it’s usually through the lens of their own experience. Everything that happens is held up and examined through the perspective of “What would I do in this scenario?” This is why it’s hard to advance conversations of inequality with someone that has not had to experience another person's specific brand of discrimination. 

Systemic Racism. Women’s Rights. Land for Indigenous People. LGBTQ+ rights and marriage. Black Lives Matter. All terms and movements used to describe different forms of disenfranchisement. But they are also most often derailed by statements like 

“What I’ve seen in my experience..” 

“That’s never happened to me when…” 

“Well in my family…"

We rarely ever analyze how dangerous that really is. I'd say it's time for some deconstruction.

Most often, it starts from a good place. People react in disgust to what appears to be obviously hateful and wrong. Those same people have blanked out every instance they've heard a family member say something offensive. Or maybe the few times even they might've made a joke in poor taste, just for the shock value. We all do this. But suddenly, we find ourselves defending everyone that’s done an offensive thing that mirrors our own actions. This is internalized guilt, masked by offense.

The most public example of this phenomenon was Donald Trump’s “Grab her by the P***sy” incident. When the tape was leaked the internet and media collectively imploded. “How could Donald Trump say such horrible things about women?” Trump's campaign responded with a masterstroke of PR spin. They all but nullified the backlash with the term, "locker room talk.” Genius. Locker room talk is simply defined as guy talk. It lifted the target from Trump and spread it evenly across all men who have either engaged in that talk or condoned that language. More so, it implicated women that never spoke up against it, causing them to defend the men in their lives that they respect, despite the occasional lewd banter. To hold Trump accountable was to hold one's self accountable. And so suddenly, people rushed to his aid. Not because they cared about Trump, but because they didn’t want to accept responsibility themselves. What we should’ve done as a culture, and some people did, was taken this opportunity to reflect on ways we talk about women, in public and in private. Then consider that maybe we’ve marginalized women, as a society, in a way that we haven’t considered.

The context of equality is about social value. How do we, as a group, respond to an individual? If there are 10 people and six of those people exclude one person, the personal feelings of the remaining three don’t change the outcome. The system of exclusion is set by the majority. This gets even more complex when a few of those people hold more power than the others. Eventually, over time, even the few people with positive feelings begin to believe that the exclusion is happening for a good reason. The conscious efforts of the majority shift to unconscious bias from the whole. Implicit Bias develops from there. This is how systemic disenfranchisement works. 

Just because you aren’t racist (or don’t feel racist) doesn’t mean that racism does not impact a marginalized group or benefit you. If you applied for a job, how would you know if a black, Hispanic, or female candidate wasn’t denied the same job even though they had a similar resume? That maybe you were hired because you were a better “cultural” fit in the eyes of a well-intentioned HR manager? You wouldn’t know. This is how systemic discrimination and racism works so well. You didn’t actively discriminate so you’re not at fault, or so you feel. You've just benefited from someone else’s prejudice. As a man, I experience similar benefits. Maybe someone thinks I’d be more comfortable with “guy talk.” Therefore, because I wouldn’t be "too emotional" or "easily offended" I’m an easier hire than a similarly skilled or even more qualified woman. That's a thought process riddled with bias that is prevalent in our society today. 

Understanding one’s role in the system makes the conversation about equality a lot more digestible. We understand that most Americans aren't overtly racist or misogynistic. But we’ve all been indoctrinated to believe certain things about women, minorities, men, the list goes on, by media and social conditioning. Our job now is to begin to deconstruct the things we’ve been taught, often by those that were misinformed.

The final challenge we have to get over as a people is the most difficult. When rebalancing the scales, the group that has been unfairly given disproportionate power is going to have to give up a little. Equity is important here. Creating places for women, minorities, LGBTQ people means that some of the folks in the old boys club will have to either give up their seats or not pass those seats to friends. America has to re-evaluate aptitude, merit, and passing the torch. 

Equality vs. Equity Vs Liberation by Angus Maguire / Center for Story-Based Strategy / Interaction Institute for Social Change

If true equality is our goal, then equity is the pathway. Allowing diverse ideologies to fill in historically monochromatic and single gendered spaces can make those roles even stronger. 

"Equality isn’t just about you, me, or how we feel. It’s about all of us and how we can succeed together."

When someone says that America has a problem with racism, they are not talking specifically to or about you (unless you’re Richard Spencer, then we are). We're talking about power structures that were built to give some people an advantage over others many years ago. Structures don’t go away without being dismantled. We can’t ignore them out of existence. So let's get the wrecking ball of diversity and get reconstruction under way. 

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Eric Thomas is a Branding Specialist and Senior Partner at Saga MKTG based in Detroit MI. He’s also an entrepreneur who never believes "the way it has been done" is the "way it must be done."

www.EricSThomas.com

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