EQ, Vulnerability and Humility

By Shakti Dudley

Enlightened Leaders who utilize emotional intelligence excel because they understand and manage both their own emotions and those of others. Emotional intelligence allows leaders to build stronger relationships, create a positive work environment, and foster teamwork and collaboration. These leaders are skilled in empathy, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and social skills, key components of emotional intelligence.

With emotional intelligence, leaders can navigate complex social situations, manage conflicts effectively, and inspire others by recognizing their emotional needs. This also helps in making more thoughtful decisions, reducing stress in the workplace, and improving overall organizational effectiveness. By being attuned to the emotional dynamics of their team, enlightening leaders can promote engagement, morale, and productivity.

I’d like to make a distinction between emotions and “feeling our feelings. ”Feeling our feelings" is about allowing ourselves to fully experience and acknowledge emotions without suppressing, avoiding, or numbing them. It can be a powerful practice for self-awareness and emotional health. When we embrace our feelings—whether they’re positive or difficult—we can better understand our needs, process challenges, and move forward with greater clarity.

The distinction between feelings and emotions often lies in how these experiences are processed and understood:

1. Emotions are the initial, automatic physiological responses to stimuli. They are more universal and instinctual, triggered by external or internal events, such as fear in response to danger or joy after receiving good news. Emotions are typically unconscious and come before thoughts. They involve changes in the body—like heart rate, sweating, or tension—and are considered biological and chemical reactions.

2. Feelings, on the other hand, are the conscious experience and interpretation of emotions. Once the brain processes the initial emotional reaction, it becomes a feeling, which is more subjective and influenced by personal thoughts, memories, and experiences. For instance, you might feel anxious after experiencing the emotion of fear, but that anxiety is influenced by your interpretation of what might happen next.

In short, emotions are raw, instinctual reactions, while feelings are the personal, conscious perception and interpretation of those emotions.

Vulnerability and humility are increasingly recognized as essential qualities in effective leadership. These traits demonstrate authenticity and foster trust and collaboration, enabling leaders to connect more deeply with their teams and lead with greater emotional intelligence.

Vulnerability: A leader who is vulnerable admits they don't have all the answers and is open about their challenges and uncertainties. This type of openness encourages a culture where others feel safe sharing ideas, taking risks, and learning from mistakes. Vulnerability demonstrates strength because it shows the leader’s willingness to be real, despite the risks of being judged or perceived as weak.

Humility: Humble leaders prioritize the success of their team over their own ego. They listen to others, give credit where it's due, and acknowledge their own limitations. This helps build an inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. Humility also keeps leaders open to learning and growing, which is essential in a constantly changing world.

In combination, vulnerability and humility create leaders who are approachable and adaptable. These traits enable leaders to inspire loyalty, drive innovation, and maintain focus on growth, both for themselves and their organizations. The result is a leadership style that is both resilient and human-centered.

Every emotion has a beginning and an end. Like an ocean wave, even the strongest? feeling crests and dissipates. In our confusion, however, we sometimes block the natural flow of emotions by holding on to resentment, hurt, hostility, regret, or grievance – at great cost to our emotional and physical wellbeing creating emotional toxicity.

By letting go of emotional toxicity, you will not only feel lighter and free, you also create space in your life into which more love, abundance, and joy can flow.

Understanding that you have choice in how you respond and interpret experiences is the key to healing the emotional body.

Think of emotions and feelings as energy. life is energy moving…it is a natural state of being. If the energy is not moving, it is stuck and hinders our ability to access? our EQ, vulnerability and humility.?

Energy expresses itself in four domains:

Mental… in your thoughts and opinions

Physical… in your body

Emotional… your feeling tone (distinct from what you think

you are feeling.)

Spiritual… in your heart and spirit, your essence

Movement can access and realize a balance of Spirit and Will. Intentional movement can yield greater capacity. Vision provides hunger to inspire movement of energy.

Life comes in waves.

Our Breath, Tears, Experiences, Feelings - are core elements and functions of being alive - they come in waves.?

How seldom we honor this ebb and flow, this sacred pacing and movement.? To bring life to each aspect of these cycles is to expand our range of being alive and human.

To expand is to take in more of life, feel more connected, more available to the world around us.

To contract is to recede into quiet internal.? Responsibly done, it is a needed refuge, a rejuvenating and honoring of the inner world...When off center it can be an escape into old habits and a pinching down of life energy and connection.

For me this has been one of the most significant aspects of my own spiritual journey. I am quite masterful at it now, however it took a long time, a lot of patience, guidance and support to work through and heal my own “backed up” and suppressed emotions to be free of them mind, body and spirit.

As a woman making it in a man’s world back in the 1980’s in the coaching and consulting field, I stuffed a lot. Anger, fear, sadness, hate for things I witnessed that were unjust to me and to others. I covered up my feelings with my intelligence and my power to produce results for my clients and my friends and stored the pain in my mind, body and heart. I became overweight, driven and short tempered. I intimidated people and I felt isolated and misunderstood. All of that pain got stored in my lower back and one day I ruptured my 5th vertebrae and had to have surgery to remove the disc. I was down and out for quite some time. It was during this time I began to explore all these distinctions I am now sharing with you for myself. I had the right team of people guiding me and slowly, slowly I started to heal and awaken. It takes time, patience, self-compassion, empathy for others, being vulnerable, humility, consciousness and self-love. It is a necessary part of one’s spiritual journey in being an enlightening leader and each of us are worthy of this.

To release the toxicity of stored emotions and open your heart to the present moment try this powerful emotional healing process that I borrowed from the Chopra Wellness Center

Step 1: Take responsibility.

Emotions are so powerful that it is easy to believe that we have little control over them. When someone says something rude, we feel justified in reacting with an angry response. But if your emotional state depends on how other people’s behavior and words, you will forever be at the mercy of others. Understanding that you have choice in how you respond and interpret experiences is the key to healing the emotional body.

Step 2: Witness what you are feeling.

Conditioning trains us to feel the same emotions over and over every time we experience the same situation.? As soon as an emotion is triggered, we get tangled in our old response. To escape this painful cycle, we need a clear place of witnessing. The best way to witness is to locate where the feeling is arising in our body. Observe the feeling and allow your attention to embrace the sensation. Breathe into the feeling. By allowing yourself to experience the physical sensations without trying to change them, the charge of the emotion begins to dissipate.

Step 3: Label your feeling.

Give a name to whatever sensation you feel in your body.? Use simple words such as fear, anger, guilt, frustration, or sadness.? Don’t use the language of victimization – betrayed, let down, hurt – any word that implies blame for someone else. By simply labeling your feeling, you avoid the temptation to rehash the long, complicated story.? Every story is about the past. Your sensations and feelings are in the present.

Step 4: Express the feeling.

When we resist or suppress emotions, they only become more toxic. Expressing a feeling leads to release and purification of the body and mind. The purpose of this step isn’t to express how much you hate or blame someone else but to experience release, clarity, and insight.?

Step 5: Share your feeling.

Choose someone you trust and share your feelings, including the whole process you’ve been going through.?? You should now be able to share without blame and without trying to get the other person to take “your side.”? The aim is to be heard and get a true reflection, which the right listener can provide.

Step 6: ?Let go through ritual.

Create your own ceremony for symbolic release of the toxic emotion.? Every culture since ancient times has used ritual, and you can invoke this age-old power by creating a ritual that has personal meaning for you.? You may want to write down what you’re releasing on a piece of paper that you then burn and release to Spirit.? You could also wrap your note on a rock and jettison it into the sea or a lake. You can make your ritual private or invite others to witness the release and help you remember its significance.

Step 7: Celebrate and move on!

Honor your release by doing something nice for yourself.? The celebration doesn’t have to be showy or elaborate. You could simply listen to your favorite music, buy yourself a special present or enjoy a delicious meal.? You may want to invite others to share in the joy and gratitude.

You can use these even steps on something that upset you today or to let go of pain you have been carrying for many years. By letting go of emotional toxicity, you will not only feel lighter and free, you also create space in your life into which more love, abundance, and joy can flow.