Episode 3 | Successful first encounters
Earlier this week, I received a message from a financial services company requesting me to sign off the payment of 1% for financial advisory fees. This is a company I have never heard of and never done business with, so I was surprised, suspicious and even a little angry. That's precisely how you should not start a customer relationship.
Social sciences circles seem to agree that even facts will not undo first impressions. In a research paper published in 2017 and entitled "Impressions based on a portrait predict, 1-month later, impressions following a live interaction", the authors have shown pictures to a group of volunteers and asked them what they thought of the persons on the pictures. One month later, the volunteers sat with those same persons on the pictures face to face and got to know them much better, then were asked to give their impressions again. The result was that the impressions made based on looking at a picture for a few seconds remained unchanged even after a rich, live exchange taking place a long time after. First impressions stick for long and are hard to change. I looked up my stealth financial advisory company on the Internet and they seem to be well reputed, but I am still not willing to work with them.
Most of my career has been around delivering technology services to businesses and, occasionally, end users. This is an industry where the depth and breadth of technical knowledge, analytical skills and problem solving are key to success. However, most of the challenges I faced were social in nature and not due to the technology per se. Through countless meetings with customers, I learned some lessons on how to start off a healthy relationship, my mistakes taught me even better lessons on what not to do.
Create a positive atmosphere
When you meet someone for the first time and the first thing they hear from you is a complaint about the ugly weather, the projector not working or your taxi driver who came late, you set a dark and sad theme for what's going to follow. They might smile back in empathy, but they have probably already classified you as a negative person and that will tint the conversations to follow. Meet people with a confident smile and a firm, lasting shake of hands. Talk about the nice things you saw in their offices and how unique and ingenious you found the decorations. Thank people for their hospitality and for sparing time to meet you.
Listen actively
Sit straight, make eye contact and allow your facial expressions to show that you are following attentively. I often take written notes on my notebook to record important actions, it shows my host that I mean business and do take their concerns or requests very seriously. That little smile when they say something amusing, the intrigued look when you don't understand them, the perplexed look at a surprising statement and, of course, the unmissable nod to agree and acknowledge. All these will give assurances to the speaker that you are genuinely listening and giving them your full attention.
Make them feel valued and liked
If I were to reduce this list of lessons learned to only one, I will probably retain this one. In "Interpersonal attraction: in search for a theoretical Rosetta stone", psychology researchers E. Finkel and P. Eastwick conclude that "people tend to be attracted to others who like them, but only if this liking makes them feel special". Liking people will make them like you back.
People naturally have self esteem and seek to evaluate themselves positively, so showing a honest curiosity to know them and appreciation for their work, their appearance or their ideas would feed into that self esteem and would, consequently, promote further attraction.
Act as one
In some dysfunctional organisations, it's easy for individual departments to feel totally separate from other teams. However, you need to remember that, to your customer, you are one organisation and every interaction at every touch point impacts the total perception and experience with the brand as a whole. Distancing yourself from that other team which delivered a poor job or the sales lady who set wrong expectations might look tempting or seem like an immediate and easy escape route out of embarrassment. However, that will damage the customer perceptions even further and strengthen their views of the brand as unreliable and not worthy of trust. Showing pride in the work of other team members and shared responsibility for their failures will build up your credibility on a first encounter.
Show courtesy, but stay truthful
As stated above, it's crucial to make the other party feel important and liked through the appreciation and acknowledgement of their contributions to the conversation. Be genuine and do not show over excitement in ways that could appear artificial, because it could come up as sarcasm or look dis-genuine with serious consequences to the relationship. People would greatly appreciate and respect someone who disagrees respectfully over a yes-man who seems to go along with them whatever they say.
A few years ago, we repaired a major incident for a large customer, then we produced the root cause analysis showing that a storage misconfiguration was responsible for the production disruption. The storage vendor provided a nonsensical root cause analysis and we were asked to endorse it. Given the storage vendor's influence and our relative tiny size and remoteness, we were seen as the party spoilers who blocked the closure of the matter. It was tempting to just say yes and put the whole story behind us, however, we insisted on our analysis and that resulted in a customer executive shouting, then hanging up on us. We spoke directly to the storage vendor's engineering team in Europe to get their analysis of the data we had and they demonstrated that we were right. We got a formal apology from the customer's leadership that night and what started as a direct conflict and risk to our business turned into a massive boost to our reputation and standing. The path of truth and integrity might appear painful and rough, but it always yields to great relationships.
Seek spots of likeness
In a famous book called "Yes! 50 secrets from the science of persuasion", the author shows that we are more likely to agree or say "yes" to others when we perceive them as similar to us or working towards similar goals. That's why, it helps to find spots of likeness on a first conversation: maybe you support the same football team, maybe you were at the same college or you both liked Metallica in high school. Stay away from the usual no-go territories like politics and religion, these are often sulphurous subjects which raise too many emotions and very quickly turn into a landmine.
A few years ago, I was in a taxi ride to a Moscow airport. The driver spoke Kyrgyz and Russian and I didn't speak any of these. Despite the impossible language barrier, we managed to communicate and found grounds of commonality.. I am still amazed at how that ride ended up being very pleasant and memorable.
Stay humble, but do not self-deprecate
When you land in a customer meeting, you are often perceived as the specialist in your domain and that could be a bit intimidating to your audience. Do not mock their flawed understanding or ridicule their ideas even when they are flawed and ridiculous, because that will destroy their self esteem and no one will like you for that. After all, we cannot be a specialist in everything and, most importantly, you might fail to understand where they are coming from: this famous true story of customer support is a perpetual recall to humility.
However, you are still perceived as the party with the solution and they expect that you deliver just that. Self-deprecation on a first meeting could back fire and discredit you before you even get a chance to do any work. Statements like "I started with the company last week, so I am still learning" or "I am a specialist of Y and this product is not my area of expertise" are not helpful at a first encounter. You may share more insider details about yourself once you have established a certain level of trust and credibility.
A very good read..in my number of years dealing with customers I always focused on the customer and not the technology...seems counter intuitive but as elaborated in your similar experiences its how u break the ice...