Episode 2: Affirm What’s Good

How to Win Friends and Influence People

All great progress and problem solving with others begin when at least one party is willing to place what is already good on the table. From there it is much easier to know where to begin and how to lead the interactions to a mutually beneficial end.

This is the second episode in the series of lessons from Dale Carnegie’s world-famous, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. I am sharing weekly lessons from the best seller for those who cannot read the book due to any reason or maybe just want to get weekly reminders on how to do best in their social and work lives by getting advice from the legend Dale Carnegie himself. If you have missed the first episode, no worries, you can read it here. Or if you want to read it after this article, I will add a link at the end. Let’s dig into this week’s episode.

Episode 2: Affirm What’s?Good

Let’s read the following lines Carnegie has written in his book:

We all have an innate, unquenchable desire to know we are valued, to know we matter. Yet affirming this in each other is among the most challenging things to do in our day and age.

Think about it! Don’t you want to be affirmed for the best part of you? Don’t we all want that? We want people to look at the best in us and a great part of our days go by when we think people do not understand us and I would be honest while writing this, even a part of me is telling me this that I want to be praised for my writing, for the good things I do and for my best moments but let me just think about it for a moment. While I want to be praised and affirmed for the things I do, do other people from whom I expect this affirmation, are they not like me? Do they not want to be felt praised? Do they not want to feel understood, yes they do, it’s part of us, whether we say it or not, we all want to be affirmed for the best parts of us. And in this era of the digital age when we easily forget to affirm even our spouses, the part of ourselves whom we love more than anyone, we forget to affirm the best of our children, our parents, our friends for being with us, our co-workers, and the shop keeper from whom we buy our daily dose of milk and bread. Let’s just take a moment tomorrow, see life as it is, let’s not carve for more, and for just one day Affirm What’s Good in others. Do this and let me know how changed you have felt, tell me what has changed and how suddenly you feel life is so beautiful.

And I want you to remember we are not perfect beings, we all make mistakes, our partners, our friends, and co-workers, everyone makes mistakes and perhaps, therefore, we should focus more on affirming good. We are all imperfect, and as many mistakes our friends do, as many opportunities, we get to affirm the good in them and let them know they are not being judged for their mistakes but being seen for the best parts of being them. Carnegie would say:

We are all imperfect beings full of shortcomings, and this affords us perhaps as many opportunities to affirm others after disagreement or disappointment as in the middle of affability.

And while we are talking about being positive and always affirming good in others, we must remember we are not always on our A-game and there are times in life when we fail to affirm what’s good, and it is okay. Remember this next piece of advice:

“The key is to allow yourself no claim on circumstantial exemptions, use a spirit of affirmation to convey your thoughts about others whenever you?can.”

There is another point that we might want to address:

A spirit of affirmation despite another’s fault is not a show of weakness or passivity. It is not a denial of justice, either, for mercy without justice is meaningless.

The secret here is this, “When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be”. If you truly want to influence and inspire people, start appreciating the good in them even if it is only a small portion of them in history. Remind them of how much good they are capable of even if they are not exhibiting any good right now because reminding one of his faults and shortcomings constantly, it is for sure they are going down because of this but if you just remind them of the good they have in them, there is a slight chance one day your positive seed can turn into a well-nourished tree. Remember we only have each other, right? So why give up on someone?

Final Words:

I have so much to write on this topic today but I have to keep it short as it is supposed to be a summary, not an essay. I will just mention a thing, do you remember someone from the past who came up to you with a surprise, with an unconditional form of love or maybe an undeserved grace or unconditional forgiveness, do you not remember them from time to time for their kindness? Of course, you do. So remember this, if you want to create greater influence than others, you must do something which others are not doing, you must go the extra mile, You must AFFIRM WHAT’S GOOD in others.?

This is all from my side today, if you missed the previous episode, here is the link. See you next week?:)

Who am I?

My name is Asad Ullah Khan, I am a Mechanical Engineer and an aspiring writer. If you are still reading this, that means you liked my work, and it is an honor for me to have you here. Every reader means a lot to me, and I wish I can come to each one of my readers in-person to pay my regards.

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