Epiphany

“Epiphany”? - to experience that moment of sudden and great revelation or realization.

I’ve just celebrated my executive coaching firm’s Silver Anniversary.? Perhaps, I have been prompted by this special occasion or maybe it is just a stage of my life that I take stock, reflect on my life and look forward to the coming years, and what else I can do to fulfil my purpose in life.

It all started when I stumbled upon this question: “Who am I?”. This usually comes across as a very simple question till one pauses to find the words to answer the question.? Many of my coachees have not been asked this question before in their lives, and so when I pose it to them, they usually give me a bemuse smile and ask:” Okay, so, what’s the catch?”.? This is not a trick question, I assure them.? It is as serious a question as you can get.

During a high afternoon weekend walk here in Singapore – temperature is 32 degrees Celsius – my mind drifted to the anniversary celebration I had couple of weeks ago.? I brought 50 people together for an evening– family, friends, clients and well wishes.? An evening of food, music and entertainment. For the first time in my life’s many milestone celebrations, we hired an illusionist to do what he does best.? What a bewildering time we had!?

As the hot afternoon sun shines mercilessly on me, out of the blues, the word “epiphany” flashed across my mind. I know this word, and have read articles that contain this word.? But somehow, I have not used it in any of my articles.? I realized there were at least three life impacting epiphanies in my life – realizations that shaped the course of my life.

Epiphany No 1

My background is in human resources. I spent the initial years of my career with the biggest publishing house here in Singapore. Singapore Press Holdings (SPH) was my first employer and it publishes, then and till now, the main local dailies, The Straits Times and Business Times, amongst its stable of other publications and magazines.

A call from a headhunter brought an end to my tenure with SPH, and my Hong-Kong-based career begun in earnest. Happily & proudly, I brought my family of four to the Fragrance Harbour to start work with an American-owned publishing house as its human resources manager.?

Alas, what was to be the beginning of a new rewarding career came crashing down after lunch one day during the initial three months of my starting work.

A senior executive of the firm had organised a lunch to welcome the newly hired.? After lunch, he told my British boss : “This? guy you hired from Singapore, please fire him as I don’t like the way he speaks.? And so began my five years of sleepless nights and mental torture – just like that.

I went to work every morning, not knowing whether it was going to be my last day of work. ?As fate would have it - two miracles happened.

Somehow my British boss managed to shield me from being fired for five long years – this was the first miracle in my eyes.

When I tendered my resignation in the 5th year of my service to return to work in Singapore, my CEO persuaded me to stay on.? She really tried to the extent of suggesting that I write my own job description as I had told her that the company already had a hr person in Singapore– just to keep me on the payroll – this is the 2nd miracle.? From nearly being fired, to being wanted so badly.

I politely declined as I had already secured a new job in Singapore through the same headhunter that brought me to my Hong Kong assignment.

After working for about 2 years in Singapore, another call from a (different) headhunter came.? I joined a boutique outplacement company as its Singapore MD.? When the hiring manager explained to me what was outplacement, I was surprised- I wasn’t aware that companies actually pay for professional help when they retrench/fire employees arising from business changes.

I stayed on in that outplacement firm for two years, learning the ropes on how to not just be an outplacement consultant but also to manage a business.? Perhaps, partly due to my 5-years exposure to working in Hong Kong and how Hong Kongers tend to rely on themselves (versus their Government) and be resilient to changes in their lives, I began my journey as an entrepreneur.? The rest is history.

Sometime after I started my own boutique business, I had my epiphany.? The dots connected, as the late Steve Jobs famously said.? I realized why God wanted me to go to Hong Kong, go through five years of career uncertainty.? And why I ventured into the world of outplacement – helping and supporting people who lose their jobs, typically through no fault of theirs.? I had a similar experience – feeling a sense of helplessness and desperation, and could therefore empathize with my clients entrusted to me by their ex-employers.

Epiphany No 2

During my career as an outplacement consultant, I decided to explore the world of executive coaching.? There’s a difference – a consultant tells his client what to do; a coach empowers his clients to think on their own, and arrive at their own actions and outcome.

I went to school to learn about coaching and began to offer executive coaching as the 2nd pillar of my business. I started as a career coach – which was a no-brainer as I helped people with their career decisions.? Along the way, I morphed to be a life coach.? This was when I stumbled upon the question :”Who am I?”.

If I ask my coachees this question, then I must naturally think about it, and try to come up with my own answer.? It didn’t come naturally – the more I think I about it, the more the answer eluded me.

Rotary

I joined Rotary about the same time as I started my own business.? A well-meaning friend said to me:” Paul, you won’t have time to do anything else – you will be so busy with your new business.? Do it later”. ?I decided to do it anyway.? ?Unknowingly then, I had started on my journey of volunteerism.?

This journey has spanned over two decades, and counting.? I’m still a Rotarian. I have also volunteered for about a decade with the Make-a-Wish Foundation here in Singapore. For the past six years, I’ve supported a cause that is taking the world by storm – dementia. I currently sit on the board, chair the hr committee and am a member of the director nomination committee.

In-between these main vehicles of volunteerism, I organized small scale visits to homes for the aged, an orphanage in? Chiangmai and a few other causes, typically garnering the support of my colleagues, family and friends.

Somewhere during this journey, I had my 2nd epiphany.? Hurray, I found my answer to my own question.? This answer has guided me in my life since.

Who am I?

It is what I focus on everyday – “I am a person who strives to touch at least one person every single day of my life”.? This need not be earth -shattering stuff nor need it be on a mammoth scale like what the Gates Foundation has been doing.?? I’ve become a philanthropist – one who strives to promote the welfare of others, who donates time, money, experience, skills, share my network and talent to help create a better world.? Anyone can be a philanthropist, regardless of status or net worth. It has been a rewarding journey so far, and I know, will continue to be rewarding as it allows me to learn, engage with others who have a wide and diversified background relative to mine.? This has allowed me to open my eyes to the fact that the world is that much more bigger than I thought.

Epiphany No 3

A friend of mine – we met during my volunteering years with the Make-A-Wish Foundation? (I dressed up as a wizard for my maiden wish granting to a young lady stricken with leukemia) was re-connected after a few years of not contacting each other, introduced me to what was then known as Alzheimer’s Disease Association (ADA).?

It’s a 30+ year old not-for-profit organization that aims to make Singapore to a much more dementia-friendly society and supports persons with dementia and their caregivers.? ?ADA has since rebranded a couple of years ago to Dementia Singapore (DSG) – a positive and apt name to bring us forward to the next 30 years. Incidentally, both my late parents had dementia. Perhaps, that is a part of the reason why I decided to accept the invitation to be a volunteer with DSG.

DSG has a number of programs to support persons with early-stage dementia and caregivers. One of these wonderful programs is “Voices for Hope”- VFH.?

VFH had its first cohort in 2019, and have since grown to have an alumni of 150 graduates.? VFH is a 10-week program that aims to prepare participants to be self advocates.? To stand up and be counted. To speak up and share more about the journey they are going through. This program offers me the opportunity to engage with persons with dementia and their caregivers. To better understand the challenges, joys and pains they are going through. It’s a wonderful program that I continue to champion & promote.?

Both my late-parents had dementia. Partly because of this, my life now encompasses activities that is dementia-related.?

The 3rd epiphany came to me as I was seated at the graduation ceremony of our 17th cohort a few months ago. ?As in all graduation ceremonies, we encouraged the graduates to share their experience with VFH.? One lady said this: “It’s wonderful.? I have found a new purpose in my life- I want to be an advocate!

It was then that it hit me - VFH can be transformational and introduce a new purpose in one’s life.? I want to be a part of this journey – another epiphany!

Imagine this – you wrap up your full-time career, and prepare yourself to enjoy your life with your hard-earned savings with your loved ones.? And then, you are diagnosed to have early stage dementia. I’m quite sure you will probably cry, and wonder what you did or did not do to deserve this.? Truth be told, dementia does not choose its “victim”.? It could well spell the end of the world.? What can I do?? What use can I be to others?

Many of the VFH graduates have since found a new purpose & realized that they can still take charge of their lives and do what most others can do.?

Despite dementia, they can still try to live as normal a life as possible. They can still travel.? And also importantly, they can still continue to be useful to society by standing up and being a self-advocate.? That revelation is powerful, ?and has brought about a refreshing new outlook in their lives.? I want to be a part of this, to journey with our VFH cohort.

Come 2025, I will be leading a group of about 80 persons with early-stage dementia and their caregivers and families to visit Bali.? This is the cohort’s 2nd overseas trip.? Pre-pandemic, a smaller group of about 15 visited Taipei, Taiwan. It was a beautiful & enriching experience, to say the least.

The Bali trip is looking like another winner. I will introduce animal therapy by bringing the group to a farm of beautiful animals, including four amazing white horses.

We only have one life. Make the most of it.? So, “Who are you?”.

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