Epic Ego Beatdowns

Part 3

I couldn't wait to wear those new bluejeans to school. There wasn't anything particularly special about them that I can recall. But new clothes can be exciting for any kid. I was in 6th grade, living in the very small town of Climax, Minnesota, way up in the northwest corner of the state. (Remind me to tell you the story sometime of a woman from the nearby town of Fertile who was killed in a car wreck in our little town, resulting in the newspaper headline: Fertile Woman Dies in Climax!) My mother said she needed to wash the jeans first. I didn't understand why you needed to wash a new pair of jeans before you could wear them. They weren't dirty and I knew better than Mom anyways! So, I went against her recommendation and wore those new jeans to school, probably with the tags still attached.

We had a middle school basketball game after school that day against our rivals. It was an away game so I boarded the bus with my teammates and my duffle bag, arrived at our destination about 30 minutes later and headed straight to the locker room to change for the game. As I donned my basketball uniform, I looked down and noticed that my legs were blue! The dye from those new bluejeans, which I didn't allow my mom to wash first, had made me look like a Smurf from the waist down. I tried washing it off but nothing worked and time was running out. So, I trotted onto the court with my teammates hoping no one would notice.

I think it took about 30 seconds before I heard the first jeer from the home-crowd fans. The rival middle-schoolers were relentless. Every time I touched the ball, those kids would roar. Those taunts served their purpose; I became distracted and was definitely off my game. At one point during an inbounds play under the opposing team's basket, they decided to press us full-court. During a timeout, our coach drew up a play to inbound the ball where the first option was for me to set a screen under the basket and then roll to receive the inbounds pass. Everything worked fine - I set the pick, rolled to the ball and received the pass. Then, the crowd erupted with their Smurf jeers and I got flustered. I was right under the basket, with the ball, and now the opposing team was dropping back a bit, giving me an easy shot...but at the wrong basket. Yep, you guessed it, I took that shot and was 1-for-1 on the day when shooting at the opposing team's goal. You can imagine how the crowd responded. During the bus ride home, I nursed my severely bruised ego.

That was the first Epic Ego Beatdown I can remember. I'm not sure what lessons God was teaching me but part of it surely had to be "Honor thy mother's recommendation to wash new bluejeans before you wear them, lest you become a cartoon character!" Perhaps, on a more serious note, there were lessons about maintaining focus to deliver under pressure or simply reminding me of the fragility of an ego left unchecked.

Decades and a few Epic Ego Beatdowns later, I was the Chief Technology and Innovation Officer (CTIO) at a global engineering firm. You'll recall from my previous article in this series (Something Doesn't Feel Quite Right) that I had reservations about this position and I had alternatively set my sights on a President-level position that I thought I deserved - or at least my ego thought I deserved that job. About a year into my CTIO role, I got a call from one of my mentors, the president whose position I thought I deserved whenever that position became available. They informed me they were retiring, which created an opening. "Here it comes", I thought, "the moment I've been waiting for, the moment I deserve...they're going to offer me the job!" But that's not what happened. The next thing I heard was like an uppercut to the chin - the company had selected someone else for the job. Then came the body blows - despite all my success in the company, I hadn't demonstrated enough of what they needed to see to offer me the job.

I was dumbfounded, literally at a loss for words. My ego had taken a beating but the beating wasn't over. My mentor suggested I talk to the CEO to get better insights into the decision. So I did, and that's where my ego was kicked into submission. During that conversation, I didn't get much detail about the things I hadn't demonstrated - another quick jab to the nose. I thought, perhaps they need me in my current role for a bit longer, that the timing just wasn't right. But I didn't hear that either - that right hook landed squarely across my jaw. My mind quickly started to think about my future career - my ego was staggering around the ring. Where was I supposed to go from here? Because of my success, there weren't too many jobs up the ladder or even on adjacent ladders. Then came the knockout punch. When I asked what was next for me, there was no answer, at least not one I remember. My CEO didn't tell me how important it was for the company that I continue to serve in my current role. He didn't discuss potential career moves in future years. There was no attempt to assuage the anguish my ego was suffering. In the span of only a few hours, I had gone from being tremendously excited about my career to having the door(s) to those opportunities slammed in my face. (Note there are probably lessons for us here in how to deliver bad news to people, but we'll reserve discussion for another day and a different article series!). It was official, my ego was TKO'd in the first round.

Over the next couple weeks, I prayed for understanding. But the understanding I received wasn't what I expected. I still didn't understand the circumstances that led to my most recent Epic Ego Beatdown. Rather, I began to understand that those uneasy feelings I had experienced over the past 5 years was God telling me that His plan for me was different than the path I was on. While the path I was on had given me many experiences I would need later, it was time for a change. And, because I wasn't listening to those whispers to take a leap of faith and do something different, God challenged my biggest vulnerability - my ego.

Finally, I had gotten His message and planned a transition out of the company with which I had spent the last 17 years. During that transition, my emotions were a complicated mess. I felt guilty about leaving behind the amazing people I had worked with over the years. I was incredibly nervous about how I would support my family - I had a big mortgage and multiple kids in college. But I also felt strangely relieved. I kept reminding myself of the old adage that "when one door closes, another opens." And, eventually a door did open. But that door turned out to be something completely different than I anticipated, even as I walked across the threshold. The path I saw through that door, the path that appeared to be a logical career progression where I could use all the experience I had gained thus far (and surely God had given my those experiences for a reason, right?), was simultaneously a path to God's plan for me and a path to another Epic Ego Beatdown. I'll explain next week...

Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."