Here's How to Handle Envy - A Natural Emotion

Mr. X, my wiser friend, met me a few days back and was talking about one of his colleagues from the past . He gave me some interesting insight about one of the most misunderstood emotions and this insight has given birth to what follows here:

I distinctly recall his words ,“ I remember him. Somehow he was able to get closer to the boss. Always liked & admired. He was the recipient of highest awards and recognition. People said he was extra-ordinary. I wanted to agree because deep inside I admired him; yet I didn’t give him much weightage because truth was that I envied him. No, I wasn’t keen to do anything that would harm him; yet deep inside I didn’t want him around as I always felt less in his presence. My envying him was something to do with my own self, my own inner environment. ".

Since that day I have often repeated the words , “My envying him was something to do with my own self .." in my mind to understand my own position with respect to envying others on occasions.

Each one of has our own reasons to envy others.

What is Envy and How to Handle it

In simple words, envy is an emotion which arises when one finds someone having achieved what one has been desiring but then one is not able to achieve it. It can be anything including one’s physical features which in any case one couldn't choose. Yes, one can envy BIG B for his persona and then use the emotion to get inspired. Possible? Lets see.

Envy is an emotion which sometimes can work positive as it has the potential to push people to compete with the source of envy and in return dilute the emotion. Why? Because it doesn't carry an ill-feeling. Somewhere deeper inside I may curse my circumstances when I compare and unknowingly and unintentionally curse you too for having been favoured by your circumstances. But then I don't intend any harm to you for that. I compare and it happens.

Handling envy is very easy. Just recognize it. It will arise occasionally. And it is alright. The only negative aspect is that we must learn not to let it interfere with our relationship with the other person. Best way is to go straight and confess: “I envy you for this reason.” Good thing about confession is that you would no more suffer from it raising its head every now and then.

Let envy spur you to do things and move forward. Just follow the footsteps of the one who has what you envy him for, know the process of having it and then implement the process in your life. Like you see someone physically very fit. You envy them. So, let envy be the signal that you want to be like them. Better to approach and find out their schedule and their eating habits and simply follow the same regimen. Become fit and experience the benefit of being envious.

My own trick to handle envy. I remember visiting another officer in our company for a meeting who had a beautiful photo-frame on his table the kind of which I was not able to get at that time because I was not able to afford. I found envy arising. But then I had often practiced moving away from negative emotions in my own subtle ways. So I used my trick there and then. Before he could speak something to start discussing the topic, I asked him, “Will you mind if I can envy you for half a minute because of this photo-frame “ He looked at me with an expression of a kind of a shock and then laughed and said, “Well, go ahead, but tell me how would you do it..” Oh, how would I do it.. I didn’t know. And I had to try. I looked at the frame and made a little bad face, then looked at him and said, “well, I have completed the process of envying you. Let us move ahead.” Trust me, I have been able to use such tricks at numerous times to handle my own undesirable emotions. Eliminate envy by picking up the signs for your own forward movement.

Let people envy you because that will be sign that you are on the right path. And someone envying you is something inside that person. It is no reflection on you at all.. It is their story they live, not yours.. Like what Nassim Nicholas Taleb has quoted when he says that once his Great- Grandfather told his grandfather, “ My son, I am disappointed in you, I never hear anything wrong said about you. You have proven yourself incapable of generating envy.”

So if you become a focus of the envy of others, all the more better as you know you are doing something wonderful. Then you can do what I had done. I had put a caption under my table glass – “Don’t envy. God will give you too..”

RS:)

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