Envy vs Admiration: How To Maintain Your Self-Worth

It's been said "know your worth and then add tax" but what if you can't find your own price tag?

Well, you wouldn't be alone.

Most people don't recognize just how often they undervalue, underrate, and ultimately underestimate themselves and why they do it.

Enter Envy and Admiration.

Two seemingly normal emotions, oftentimes confused, collapsed and controlling of our emotional state.

Admiration vs. Envy

When we admire someone: we appreciate and feel inspired by what they've accomplished.

• Admiration is a feeling based in appreciation, joy, and emotional generosity. When we admire someone, we allow our souls to feel nourished by what's possible for humanity and for ourselves.

When we envy someone: we see them as a standard by which we measure ourselves and find ourselves falling short.

• Envy is a feeling based on comparison, inadequacy, and pain. When we envy someone, we corrode our souls by tearing ourselves down for our perceived flaws.

It is possible to be motivated by admiration or envy. It is possible to achieve a lot inspired by admiration or compelled by envy. The difference is with envy, no matter what you achieve, that feeling of not being good enough never goes away and that's because envy comes from a shortage of self-worth.

No matter how hard you try, you can't solve a self-worth problem with money, material possessions or social media.

It simply doesn't work.

The (Harsh) Reality

When we admire others in life, we typically do it from a distance because the other individual's achievements seem out of reach from our current position in life, however when we envy someone we visualize ourselves in their place and time right now, and this is when things take a turn for the worse.

In life, the closer you get to someone else's skill level and talent, the more admiration turns to envy, especially if it looks like they’ve had a much easier path to perceived success, seemingly knew all the right people, received all the breaks, or won the professional lottery of life.

Don't be fooled and don't give in to a story you haven't fully read.

When you get to the point when you think that people around you are (becoming) too successful or too smart, and instead of admiring them, learning from them and working with them, choose envy, is when you slip into jealousy which can quickly become your downfall.

• When we encounter people who are more successful & powerful than we are, we fall into admiration and/or envy. 

Admiration is typically seen as a positive and noble characteristic. Envy, on the other hand, is often viewed as bad. All envy typically starts out as admiration.

Why People Fail At This

When it comes to accepting yourself as it relates to the comparison of another, for many this quickly becomes a conversation about self-improvement. I read a brilliant article on this by one Mr. Verma where he states that people often fall prey to an invisible gap between "self-compassion and self-improvement" and offers up instead a narrative backed by a compelling study showing that self-compassion can actually increase ones ability to improve and develop.

In his words: When you improve yourself from the place of love, then self-improvement becomes a form of self-compassion. They both merge together.

I personally love this thinking, but also recognize that not everyone will have the drive to fight through their own self-perception conversation and need a different approach to moving forward. Keep reading for how you can love yourself more and increase your self-value.

What To Do Instead

I am often asked by leaders how to build their confidence and the answer is typically the same regardless of the size of their paycheck, office, or house. That's because when discussing size, the thing truly matters is the size of your heart. In this case, how much self-love and value you give to yourself.

There are many ways to improve yourself image. Below are a few that I found to work well when applied correctly.

1. Be mindful of your internal story and change the narrative when you find yourself lacking confidence.
2. Channel the greatest version of yourself by remembering what you've accomplished in life.
3. Use powerful affirmations the correct way.
4. Identify your competencies and develop them.
5. Exercise daily.
6. Practice forgiveness of self first.
7. Learn to accept compliments as a means to build confidence.
8. Remember you are not your circumstances (discerning fact vs. fiction).

If you are interested to learn more about the above actions or practices and how to begin to embody them on daily basis, please feel free to contact me to discuss further.

In Summary

The reality is that admiration can be a powerful and positive force in our lives. Having people we look up to provides us a clear idea of the traits and talents we value in our leaders and use them as a north star for our own development. Said another way, looking up to someone we admire allows us the opportunity to recognize where we are today and where we would like to be tomorrow. This, however, does come with the responsibility of owning this journey of self and recognizing that when confronted with your own gaps or shortcomings we can easily fall prey to labeling ourselves as lesser than which for some can fuel an obsession of being the greatest. Understanding the balance is how you manage your desire to look up to someone else without straining your neck or your heart.

The Floor Is Yours: 

How do you increase your self-worth?

Joshua Miller is a Master Certified Executive Coach, who sets up Fortune 500 emerging and senior leaders for future success by upgrading their mindset, skillset, and performance so they can lead with purpose.

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