The Envy Trap: What You Don't See Behind the Facade of Success.

“We’re chasing sunshine” I told him, and I knew there was a mix of envy and longing in him!?

I sat having a morning coffee. I should be saying in the French sunshine, but I was wrapped up in my jacket. The sun was nowhere to be found and for those who are reading this from Ireland, you’ll know this is not a holiday going well!?

We were holidaying in our campervan in France and had just made the decision to up sticks and travel south for sunshine (destination unknown). As I chatted to the man sitting in the café beside me,?“Mr Waterford” we discussed weather and I told him our plans. He had to stay put for another week with dull, grey skies and temperatures of 16/17 degrees and make the best of it. I sensed he was envious of our plans, envious of the adventure that lay ahead, envious of a thrill of sunshine and heat on Irish skin!?as our campervan drove into the sunset!?

Fast forward, 48 hours...

As with all adventures, there is always the unknown, especially with a small campervan. Yes, we got sunshine, but we couldn’t handle it! We literally melted! And in more ways than one.?

The adventure turned out to be not just temperatures soaring, but tempers and stress levels soaring also as we couldn’t find a campsite with availability. Teenagers - hot, impatient and fighting. Parents hot, impatient, frazzled, insect bitten and battling the above mentioned teenagers in a non-air conditioned camper!?

Everyone - exhausted and emotional!?

Over those few days I often thought of “Mr Waterford”, full of awe and envy with my “we’re chasing sunshine” comment. How I now longed for his holiday!?

Cool, calm and relaxed.?

We did find our sought-after sunshine.?

We did find new beautiful places and experiences and we did have fun!?

But that is only one side of our adventure - C’est La vie!?

The whole comical experience (a week of hindsight) got me thinking about envy and comparison. If “Mr Waterford” only knew our full story?

"Maybe jealousy and envy would fade if we knew the full story behind success. Maybe we would be less likely to put people on a pedestal." — James Clear

Next time the “Envy Bubble” starts to simmer – and I believe it’s there for us all,

• Maybe it’s a leader in your organisation who seems to do no wrong
• Or?a colleague who seems to excel as you struggle along, feeling overworked and undervalued
• Or a friend, sibling?
• Or another parent that seems to have it all sorted seamlessly

Remember, it’s only one part of their story.

This envy might fade if you knew the full story of their battles and challenges, not just the surface level, in-complete picture.?There are always unexpected stresses, discomforts and insecurities which you know nothing about.?

So Pause… And Reality Check before you fall into a deep comparison/envy trap.

It might just help reduce how far you fall into the envy trap?and restore some balance and perspective.

Thank you for reading.

Olivia MacDonnell

Founder, Confident Speak

“Comparison is the thief of joy” envy is not far behind! And it sure gets in the way of fulfilment and progress. My work with clients is often to help them with challenging topics through the use of perspective taking. This helps get out of the comparison trap. To see and experience challenges and frustrations from different perspectives whether that’s a challenge at work/home, or a colleague they struggle with. It’s my role to challenge their thinking and viewpoint of a situation. In essence, to widen their lens, step out of comparison and envy so that they see a way forward, and it’s powerful work.?

It’s hard to figure this type of thing out alone.

Read all about the experience of our valued?customers?at Confident Speak.

After years of heavy and focussed marketing, I’ve succumbed and bought a Masterclass subscription! So Esther Perel’s?"Relational Intelligence" is my first masterclass! Although I’m very tempted to hear so many.

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