Entrepreneurial Lessons from Fatherhood

I built a business and stayed at home with my daughter (at the same time)

“90% of entrepreneurial ventures fail.”

“Business ownership is the rockiest of roads.”

“No benefits. No retirement savings. No guaranteed income.”

These were the thoughts that rattled around my brain as I entertained the idea of leaving my cushy corporate job to start my own consulting business. The stakes were high. I knew I had to mitigate all possible risks to ensure that I would succeed in my new venture. After all, it’s precisely this careful planning that the lucky few business owners stay afloat in the sea of entrepreneurial madness.

As if all this wasn’t stressful enough, I decided to add another thing into the mix – a little thing. A drooling, babbling, squealing, pooping, crawling, little thing.

I threw caution to the wind and made my decision: I would start my business and stay at home with my daughter for the first year.

It wasn’t a totally haphazard idea. My wife and I had good reasons. It made sense for our family and our living circumstances. Still, my reasons weren’t purely pragmatic. I also wanted to “be there” to witness the remarkable developmental months of a newborn becoming a baby becoming a toddler – even if it meant time away from my infant business.

So that’s what I did. I became a daddypreneuer.

It was hard at times. Very hard. I would have prospective client meetings over Skype, where I had to feign a “broken laptop camera” because I was actually rocking my daughter during the call. (I’ve learned the mute button is my best friend in times of a screaming fit). I would have to time my days just right, and schedule all my meetings in the middle of her naps. I would have to work late into the night after she went down (and before she awoke in the wee hours).

Now, having come out on the other end with a steadily growing business and a beautiful, bounding 18-month-old, I’m reassured in my initial decision: “I knew I could make it work … I knew it all along!”, I say. Of course, that’s foolish. Alas, the hindsight bias spares no one, not even expert psychologists well-versed in the literature of heuristic-based decision-making. I have to be honest with myself – failure was equally possible.

But I’m glad it’s gone the way it has. The success that I’ve seen in my business in the past year is gratifying. It’s early days still, but I can say with more than a modicum of confidence that I’m better at my business because of the time I had with my daughter. Here are the 5 entrepreneurial lessons I learned while building a business and staying at home with my firstborn.

Lesson #1: It made me more efficient with my time

Parkinson’s Law says that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Initially meant to be a critique of bureaucratic bloat of publication administrations, its other implication relates to how individuals will work more efficiently when given a reduced amount of time. In my case, knowing that I only had a few precious hours to get stuff done, when I worked, I worked.

It’s an important lesson I’ve taken with me. When you own a business, you’re suddenly gifted with extra time you didn’t have before. But it’s a blessing and a curse. You can end up working much longer hours. I didn’t want to fool myself into thinking that a 60+ hour workweek is the way to go. I’d give myself less time and accomplish just as much.

Lesson #2: It made me more creative

New parents, especially new mothers, fret over the added responsibility that comes with raising a child. Is there enough mental space and energy to be creative in one’s work? Many parents worry about a depleting reserve. But evidence suggests that parenthood rewires the brain’s neural pathways responsible for creative problem-solving. This is mostly true for mothers for whom the neural plasticity process begins during pregnancy.

In animal models, for instance, mother rats become more efficient when finding food and building shelter. They approach problems with fresh insights and solve problems in different ways than before. The evolutionary pressures of parenthood give us the gift of having more creative energy that we can use to build and secure resources for our offspring.

The attention span of newly walking 1-year-old is fleeting. Which means that when it comes to the everyday goings-on of parenting a toddler, you have to get creative. A bucket becomes a drum. An empty paper towel roll is a trumpet-like instrument. Words transform into lullaby singalongs. There’s no doubt that this outside-the-box thinking has made its way into my business.

Lesson #3: It made me more empathic

Parenthood is the ultimate exercise in empathy. In an instant, there’s a little human who is totally and absolutely dependent on you for their survival and well-being. You have no choice. With a screaming baby, a new parent is forced to see the world through the eyes of this helpless little creature. Countless times I’ve asked myself, “What is she feeling? What is this new experience like for her? What does she need most right now?”

The result is a general psychological shift in considering the needs of others. The science suggests the effect can spill over into how a person conducts their business. In one line of research, it was shown that male CEOs pay employees more generously after the birth of his daughter, particularly if it’s his firstborn.

While my clients aren’t as demanding as a screaming infant, the same questions still apply: “What is he/she feeling? What is this experience like for him/her? What does s(he) need most right now?” These are things you should always think about when running a business.

Lesson #4: It made me understand human behavior

Recapitulation theory says that in early development, a baby and child relives their evolutionary past to reveal the significance of certain fundamental human attributes.

My business is all about understanding human behavior. This means that the better I understand humans, the better my business does. Staying at home with my daughter, I believe, improved the psychologist in me. Going from newborn blob to a cognizing little human in the span of less than 18 months was witnessing development in action.

The notion of recapitulation was for me a lesson in basic psychology. Consider: If someone I’m working with becomes frustrated, my read into that feeling of frustration is radically different than it was before because I have watched it take shape in my daughter. I grasp its relevance and its usefulness.

Lesson #5: It made me want to add real value and meaning

Economists argue that majority of corporate work is comprised of “rent-seeking” activities. The jobs in industries like management consulting, finance, banking, real estate, etc. extract value from transactions without really adding or creating inherent value. Capitalism is a wonderful thing, but it tends to run amok when concerns of capital gains trump all else.

Having a child shifts your outlook on life to be more future-oriented. My concern for “how things will be” is greater now than ever before. I want my participation in the world of work, in terms of how I operate my business, to be something that adds real value for the end user. Concerns over the type of world that I leave for my daughter is why I want to make work meaningful – for myself, for her, and for all the other little ones out there, teaching us parents what it means to live.

Nick is the Founder and Chief Scientist at The Behaviorist